A new goal to achieve for New Year...

"So hold this feeling like a newborn
All the freedom surging through your veins
You have opened up a new door
So bring on the wind, fire and rain..."
~Missy Higgins, Steer


Having a short term goal is important and my new one is multifaceted. Goals, I think, help me to stay motivated and on track. When the times come where I want to say, "Screw this!" and blow off my plan for a week, it is helpful for me to think about what it is I'm trying to achieve. That actually may have more to do with long term goals but setting short term goals helps me to get there. But just to be clear...what are my long term goals? Let me give you a list:
-lose 65 pounds (yes, this has changed...originally it was 50)
-establish long term exercise plan (ideally, I'd like to run 3 miles in 35 mins 5x a week and practice yoga 5x a week)
-establish a healthy lifelong eating plan
-fit in a size 7 pair of True Religion jeans (my goal jeans!)

So my short term goal? 175lb at New Year. At my last weigh in (on Friday morning), I was at 181. That's 1.5 lbs a week. Doable, I'd say but considering I was loosing a pound a week for a while there, it is going to take a little more effort to hit 1.5 a week. Thus, the circuit workout.

I started doing circuit training this morning. We have a small home gym in the basement and it is perfect for the circuit training that Jillian Michaels suggests on her website. I've tried to incorporate it at the gym but they just aren't set up for that kind of workout there. At home, I have an elliptical that I can hop on for the aerobic portion of each circuit. And there's space right beside it for me to do the floor exercises/weight exercises of each circuit.

So why crank up the intensity? I would like to say because I am just feeling like now is the time. But there's probably more to it...

I have had a taste of success...losing a significant portion of weight...10% is no mean feat! By the way, I took two measurements this morning and I've lost 3 inches in both my waist and hips. So this taste of success is motivating to me. I want to get fitter! And I think upping the intensity is going to bring more success.

But I'm also starting the circuit training because it really makes me feel strong. And I want to start seeing some definition in my arms and legs. And I want to give my metabolism a boost. AND, when I work out in the mornings, it sets a positive intention for the day...I feel better. I haven't been getting to the gym in the mornings to treadmill, so I thought just getting up and going down to the basement gym is something that is completely doable. (And wouldn't you know it...I woke up to snow on the ground this morning...great incentive to stay home and not go outside).

The other piece of the workout...cardio, I will still do at the gym because guess what? I like the treadmill. I always have and have always been most successful at keeping a long term exercise plan when I've used the treadmill. So I'm still going to do that but will go in the evenings after work. My goal this week is to hit my 500 calorie burn through it (with the circuit as bonus calories burned).

And there's another piece to my workout puzzle...it's yoga. So yesterday I met with this lady, Tiffany, who is a yin yoga teacher. She came to the house to give me a personal yoga class. (Believe me! It was a really good deal because she's currently between yoga gigs after just having a baby!). I'd really like to see if she's interested in trading massage for a yoga class once a month but that's a whole other post! So the yoga class was really good. It's the kind of restorative yoga practice that I've been wanting to develop and reminds me of those days so long ago (I was about 12-13 years old) when I would stretch and luxuriate in my flexibility. So I am excited about having finally found a practice that resonates with me.

I'm not looking much beyond this short term goal. I will re-evaluate come January 1st. Getting through the holidays losing weight rather than gaining will be a true testament to my plan! But...just maybe I'll be fitting into those goal jeans by my 46th birthday...

I'm On My Way, Can't Stop Me Now...

"I look into the window of my mind
Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind
I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same..."
~ "Proud" by Heather Small

I weighed today and I've lost another 2 pounds!

I am so happy about that. And I am proud of that. For the past two weeks, through the Thanksgiving holidays and the following rough moon-time week, I've lost a total of 4 pounds. I was careful to eat healthy and to stick with my exercise plan. And I'm so pleased that I was able to care for myself that way.

And I am finally seeing the results in my clothes. My favorite jeans are now a bit too big. Some shirts that were kind of too tight are now fitting much better! I'm very excited to start seeing my clothes fit better. As the pounds lost start to add up, I'm more and more confident that I can reach my goal of losing 50 pounds.

Currently, I haven't even lost half of that but I'm getting there. I am hoping to have lost 25 pounds by the New Year. As of today, I've lost 19 pounds. Nineteen pounds. That is incredible to me. After 3-4 years of yo-yo-ing with 7 pounds...I've finally broken through.

I'm really feeling like I've made a lasting change. I've had a spiritual awakening...I've begun to look at food differently. I think about cake...cake that I have craved so much through the years...and it kind of grosses me out now...now that I know what's in it. If I'm going to eat something that high in calories, I really want it to be good...not just a bunch of corn derivitives like high fructose corn syrup and other crap.

This weekend is my long work-outs weekend and I'm looking forward to it. I've started ending those long workouts with a meditation in the sauna and steam room at my gym...and that feels like a real treat to me. AND, this weekend, I'm taking my first Yin Yoga class. I'm hoping that it is the kind of yoga practice I've been looking for. I'm feeling like I want to do some slow, gentle, meditative yoga that focuses on restorative poses. I'm hoping Yin Yoga will give me that.

And...you are hearing it here first...I'm going to start my circuit training on Monday at my home gym. The gym I go to is just not set up for circuit training...I can do it more easily at home. So I'm going to set up the home gym this weekend to be ready for my circuit training (4x a week). I am thinking I will do it in the mornings and then go to the gym in the evenings to do my cardio. This regimen will really up my exercise intensity and increase my metabolism like crazy. I'm going to give it a shot for the next few weeks to see how it goes and will report back here on my progress.

Until then...if you are dieting along with me or have just been following along with my blog, drop me a note and let me know how you are doing or what you'd like to read about on this blog.

Things Really Do Change...

"Things do not change; we change."
~Henry David Thoreau

Hah...so maybe I have really changed!

I think back to the things that I've changed in my life over the past few years: qutting drinking diet soda, quitting smoking, and quitting eating processed food.

These are things that have changed so much. I used to be so addicted to diet soda...all I drank was diet coke or diet dr. pepper. I'd drink 2 2liters a day. Can you imagine? And I LOVED it! I wonder how much money I spent on soda with a habit like that for almost 30 years? I quit drinking diet soda over 2 years ago. It has almost been 3 years. I can't believe it has been that long. I don't miss it at all. And the couple of times that I've tried to drink a soda it has tasted so horrible that it's actually kind of shocking. The taste of that fake sugar is so nasty. I can't believe that I ever loved the taste of that crap.

What do I drink now? Unsweetened organic iced tea, soda water (nothing in it but water!), filtered tap water, and wine (or the occasional beer). And miracle of miracles, I love water! Just plain, filtered cold water is fantastic.

Just a few words on quitting smoking...I can't believe I was ever a smoker. It's so gross...which I knew but didn't really appreciate how smelly it really is. I can smell a smoker or a lit cigarette so quickly now. I can't believe I ever let myself smell like an ashtray and god knows what I was doing to my lungs (well, I know because I developed asthma!).

Quitting processed foods though...now that is a whole new world for me. For so long, especially in my 20s, I ate so much fast food. And it's been almost my whole life that I ate tons of processed foods. In my 20s and 30s I practically lived on Lean Cuisines and Weight Watchers meals. Now just the thought of them grosses me out. I can't believe I made myself eat those little boxes of processed foods. Sooo much sodium and corn and corn derivatives and such tiny portions. Since I've started eating clean, whole foods, I feel so much better. And I feel cared for in a way that those little tv dinners never made me feel. When I ate those I felt deprived. I felt like I was on a diet. Yet, ironically, I didn't end up losing weight no matter how many of them I ate (I used to eat one every day for lunch!).

I have finally lost the taste for processed food. Like I used to eat peanut butter like Jiff or Skippy...and now it tastes like candy fluff...peanut-butter flavored fluff. I love real nut butters...nothing but ground nuts and a little salt...tastes like peanut butter, not candy.

This morning, I woke up late. I didn't have time to make my usual cup of organic coffee so I decided to stop at McDonald's for my caffeine fix...a large unsweetened iced tea (no styrofoam! at least I can recycle the plastic cup!) and as I pulled out of the drive thru I thought, "Wow...it's been a really long time since I stopped there in the morning." I thought about it for a minute...used to be a time when I would have McDonald's for breakfast every morning (bacon, egg and cheese biscuit with a side of hash browns and a large SWEET iced tea -- don't even get me started on this...suffice to say, read the first part of Omnivore's Dilemma to learn how all of that is just corn and corn derivatives...a high calorie/high fat/high fructose corn syrup meal!). Now I have zero desire to eat something like that. Not saying that I would NEVER eat a McD's meal again...but the craving for that kind of food is gone.

This transformation...these changes...are nothing short of magic that I have worked in this past year!

Thanksgiving Week: I will survive...

"Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake."
~Author Unknown

I am going into this week with a positive outlook. I don't want to use Thursday as an excuse to overeat. So I am planning but don't want to get obsessive.

I am on plan this week and back at the gym. I am going to do a bit of yoga this week as well. I won't be working out on Thursday as we are traveling for Thanksgiving day.

I am bringing a few side dishes to the dinner to be sure that I will have some healthy options. I'm bringing a brussel sprouts dish, plain baked sweet potatoes, and homemade cranberry sauce. I'm also going to make a really yummy low cal veggie dip and bring some fresh cut up veggies to go on the appetizer table so that I'm not tempted to pig out on the high cal apps. I'm planning to eat a good healthy breakfast to keep me from feeling starved by the time we get there.

I am taking a bottle of champagne and a chess pie! So my plan on both of these? Moderation. I don't want to feel like I can't have a couple glasses of sparkling wine and a small piece of pie. So, I'm planning to share the champagne and am just going to have a small sliver of my favorite pie. I'd be lying if I didn't say that these two things are kind of freaking me out. This is the hole that I always seem to fall in! But I know there must be a way around it. I should be able to enjoy both of these things without falling into that hole and getting stuck there.

Basically, I think it comes down to this...I don't want this week to become an excuse for falling off the wagon. I do want to pay attention to my body and give myself what I need. I want to get some rest, some exercise and eat good foods.

Hope everyone has a happy Thanksgiving!

The Rainbow Bridge...

"From Celtic myth, the pot of gold at the rainbow's end represents a kind of Holy Grail - the lost vessel of spiritual renewal and fulfillment. Carl Jung referred to gold as the symbolic end product of inner alchemical transformation. Passage through the chakras is an alchemical process of increasing refinement that unites light and shadow, male and female, spirit and matter, all in the crucible of the body and psyche. The pot of gold is indeed the elusive philosopher's stone that lures us into the heroic journey of transformation."

~Eastern Body, Western Mind: Psychology and the Chakra System as a Path to the Self

So it's a hero's journey, eh? Heh. I didn't think that was really the case when I started down this path. Oh, it's a difficult one, to be sure...but heroic?

This past week has been very interesting. Taking a week off to rest and do yoga instead of hopping on the treadmill every morning has really brought to light some of my shadows. It's so easy to get down on myself when I'm not going by the book. But, I've learned a lot. And I keep getting these messages that yoga is the right thing for me. Everywhere I look lately I've been seeing the word, Jivamukti.

Maybe I'll see if there's a Jivamukti teacher in my area. Or maybe I'll just practice on my own. I don't know yet.

I do know that I will get back on the treadmill tomorrow. I was thinking about this yesterday and realized that I do miss it and, I think, that if I take a half hour out for cardio and then another, at least, half hour out for yoga...maybe that is the balance I need for now?

I know this is a short post...just musing here....

Oh and as a fantastic validation for listening to what my body needs...at my weigh in this morning, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I lost a pound! Whoot! Another pound gone!!!

A Shifting Perspective...

"The saying goes, 'The sage rests, truly rests and is at ease.' This manifests itself in calmness and detachment, so that worries and distress cannot affect him, nothing unpleasant can disturb him, his Virtue is complete and his spirit is not stirred up."

-Chuang Tzu

I have been on a quest for rest this week. Yesterday, I read through all of the blog posts I've written here and the one thing that really stood out to me was my need for rest.

It seems, since I turned 40, that I am constantly tired. It doesn't seem to matter if I'm working out everyday or if I'm going to bed early...I just seem to be tired all the time.

And since I'm paying more attention to my body...since I'm trying to learn to trust what it is my body really needs...this week, I have forgone my intense exercise regimen for rest. I've been doing some yoga poses instead of climbing on the treadmill every morning.

One pose I've come across is the Viparita Karani pose. You can find out more information for this pose here, at Yoga Journal.

I have been searching for a yoga practice for months now. I've tried Ashtanga and Vinyasa Flow, but those practices are not giving me what I'm really craving right now. What I want is a bunch of restorative poses that will help me get the rest that my body is craving.

I'm trying not to panic about this shift in perspective...because, really, how much weight am I going to be able to lose in a week if I'm not working out?? I'm about to find out. I'm still counting calories and staying within my calorie range, so I am sure that I won't see a gain. But making this shift in perspective has been scary because I wonder if I'm sabotaging myself...sabotaging my weight-loss goals? But then I think...the journey I'm really on is about finding better health for myself. And right now...this week...I want to rest and restore. Maybe next week I'll get back on the treadmill...

As I was driving into work this morning, I was thinking about how, just a few months ago, I would get so frustrated if I only saw a half pound loss on the scale (per week) and now, I'm thinking that losing a half pound would be fantastic! It means progress...

But there are other ways of progressing on this path...quitting smoking (I did this about 5 years ago), quitting drinking diet sodas (going on 3 years!), and since this summer, quitting eating fake/processed foods...beginning to eat a mostly organic, health positive menu...drinking mostly water on a daily basis and cutting my consumption of caffiene and alcohol...these are all amazing steps on my journey to complete health!

These little shifts in perspective add up to such huge changes...

How to get back on the wagon...

"If you keep on going the way you're going you'll end up where you're heading - which direction are you aiming for?"


I've had a mini-setback...but as Jillian says, you can't let that stop you. If you got a flat tire would you ditch the whole car? No, you'd fix the flat and drive on.

So I'm fixing the flat. I've been doing so great...last Friday morning I told Cathy that I was feeling so good and feeling so good about myself. And then I completely just stopped what I was doing.

Don't get me wrong...I didn't go buy a cake and eat it. What didn't I do? I didn't count my calories and I didn't exercise. What did I do? I got a massage, got my hair done, got a body scrub, and got some rest.

And yet, I've been beating myself up about this since Sunday. I've been so mad at myself for not working out and for not being the perfect dieting robot that I have almost pushed myself back into that hole.

This morning, as I was driving to work I had a radical thought. If I am feeling resistant to going to the gym to workout...then maybe what I really want is to do something a little different. So what about yoga this week??? Or what about taking a class? Maybe I need to change up the program a bit...shake things up...make it fresh.

It's certainly no reason to get so down on myself that I abandon my good eating plan.

I have traveled such a long road over this past year. Trying to figure out what works and trying to find my way. When I look back to this time last year, I can see that I've made some measure of progress. I've lost 14 pounds. But more importantly, I've started treating myself better.

One thing I'm really proud of...I've quit eating those awful Lean Cuisine's and Weight Watchers meals. Ugh. To think how much money I've spent on that crap for all those years. And did they help me lose weight??? NO. Not one pound. And when I look at the ingredients list and nutrition information on the package, I'm grossed out. And the best side benefit from giving up that little box of crap disguised as food? I stop adding all that packaging to the landfills.

I am so glad that I've found my way to clean eating. Whole foods are really the way to go when you want to feel better. I am so glad that I'm eating more locally grown, organic foods. I feel better about not contributing to the massive industrial food giants (who turn pesticides and petroleum into foods that poison us and makes us fatter).

Something else I've recently come to...I gave up eating pork a few years ago though I still ate a piece of bacon here and there...so not quite a non-pork eater...but even eating a piece of bacon 3-4 times a year...it wasn't sitting well. I've been reading Omnivore's Dilemma and Pollan pointed out something...it wasn't even a paragraph but this little fact about how the industrial animal farms treat pigs (something I knew and is what spurred me to give up pork in the first place)...it broke my heart and made me renew my vow not to be a consumer of pork. So, no more. Not even a tiny piece once in a while. Done. I'm not contributing to the misery of one more pig.

And honestly, I don't want to contribute to the misery of the cows/steers and chickens either. So I'm going for grassfed beef and organic dairy products. No more industrial beef for me. It makes me sick to think of eating one more bite of that kind of beef.

Not to turn my blog into a political treatise on becoming a vegetarian (because I'm not...at least right now). Though, I will say, I so wish I lived near Polyface Farms (or one like it!!!).

Last night I found my way back onto the wagon...it was a struggle, to be sure! But I'm back...these little bumps on the road that knock me off are getting fewer and far between. And I'm getting stronger...the program I've developed is working. Looking to my spiritual practice to sustain me and help me to shapeshift has been the difference. Magic really works!