Random thoughts on losing weight and being healthy...

Supplements

I have never been one to take a bunch of pills. I just don't think about it and, often, I feel a little naseous when I take more than one or two.

But I've read a lot about different supplements and though some would argue that they just give you very expensive pee...others say that that there are many supplements we would do good to take.

I have developed a short list of supplements that I am going to take for the next 30 days:

• Multi-vitamin
• Fish Oil
• Probiotic

The multi-vitamin is easy...hands down, I've read very good things about multi-vitamins. For me, it's important that the multi be one capsule/pill taken once a day. If it's something like, "take 3 of these twice a day", then I'm not going to do it. Like exercise, if it doesn't get done in the am, then I'm probably not going to get to it.

Fish oil...I just keep reading good stuff about fish oil. Number one, it's a way to moisturize the body from the inside out...so good stuff for joints and healthier hair, skin, and nails. But even better, fish oil contains omega 3s. Omega 3s are so good for us because they help prevent heart disease, reduce high blood pressure, reduce joint pain, and increase brain development and memory function.

Probiotics...so this is something that I've been researching and would like to take for a limited time. I have some digestive issues that, I believe, probiotics will help to normalize.

Working Out

I would like to add an arms workout to my regimen. I have always had good arms but in the past few years they have gotten a bit wobbly. So, it's probably a good idea to work my biceps, triceps, and deltoids.

I have also been pretty slack on doing yoga for the past few months. So I would like to get back to that. Ideally, a short 20-30 minute session at home in the evenings would be great. But, as you know, I struggle with doing anything other than chilling out in the evenings. However, it seems that I could really make an effort to do some yoga before bed. I like restorative yoga more than any other kind and it relaxes me deeply so maybe it would help my to sleep better.

Plateaus

I haven't lost that much this month...as far as I know (I haven't been jumping on the scale that often). I feel like my weight loss has stalled a bit. I wanted to lose 10 pounds this month but I will be happy if I lose 4 (a pound a week!). I have been working out and watching what I eat pretty well. I have been eating clean, for the most part...if anything I drank more this month than last.

One thing I do know...if I can get past this and up my game even more, then I know I will reach my goal. 47 before 47, baby! I can do it!

365 days later...

This time last year I was feeling so stressed out and depressed and alone. People who I thought were my friends were actually plotting against me (re: they damn sure weren't being my friends). I was dealing with a lot of work stress and my dog, Hero, of 16 years was coming to the end of her life. My mother was very sick and would end up having her second heart surgery in 2 years. I felt fat and sluggish. I felt like I was stuck in a rut that I could not get out of, no matter how hard I tried.  My path had narrowed and I had to walk through the dark for a good long while.

I've only just come out of that place...

I'm starting to feel better...though I miss the baby girl, still.

I still feel quite stressed with work but not as much as I did last year. The challenges are still there but I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am more grounded on my spiritual path...it is one in which I find delight and it supports me through the constant stress in my life.

I have found better friends.

I feel like I have finally walked out of the dark woods and am once again feeling the sun on my face.

Yay! The weekend!

I'm so happy for the weekend to be here. I am ready to focus on myself in a way that I don't get to during the week. During the week I can only focus on others for most of the day...frankly, it's exhausting. No wonder I'm tired all the time. The one time during my week day when it's all about me? My workouts! I'm beginning to love working out for that alone. No stupid emails or phone calls by rude/selfish/just plain moronic people who desperately can't figure out or negotiate social norms.

I don't know how I'm doing as far as the numbers go...I haven't weighed all week. Mainly because as soon as I get up, I put on my workout clothes...the scale is in the basement, so I don't really want to undress down there before I workout. I'll weigh in tomorrow to see where I am. But honestly none of that matters to me today because I'm feeling pretty good...I don't feel bloated...I feel like I have some good energy this morning...and I am feeling healthier than I was a couple of months ago. I am also feeling excited about the changes I've been making...I feel like I am setting a good example for those around me too. I like that some of the ladies I work with are investing in their own health and well-being!

This weekend, I am preparing the raised beds for early spring planting, and I'll be starting some seeds in an indoor greenhouse. I love making plans for growing our own veggies at this time of the year. I want to do a lot of canning this season so that I have some of the organic bounty next winter.

Okay..I know this was a pretty random, bloggy post...but just wanted to capture these thoughts today...

47 before 47

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind. My career stepped in and took over. If you know me at all, you know that I work long hours and have been working towards my company's big sales meeting since last October. The week finally arrived (first week of February).

I continued working out during the first part of the week...even though, I don't think, I had time to post results on Daily Mile. Then, about midweek, I hit my wall and just didn't have time to continue with my workouts. I was waking up at about 4am and going until 11pm/midnight every day. I did continue to eat in as healthy a manner as I could and to watch portion sizes.

As an aside, I received a lot of very good feedback on the event. All the key stakeholders (CEO, SVPs, VPs, etc.) told me that it was a very successful event and that I did a great job and that they were pleased with everything. So, that was a relief. From my perspective, it was far from perfect but on the whole, I think I did a good job with it.

I flew home from Orlando last Saturday, had a few hours to spend with my partner, repack and was back at CVG bright and early the next morning. I arrived in Costa Rica by noon on Sunday. While there, I was active constantly...

Costa Rica is one of the most beautiful places I've ever visited. Of course, staying at the Four Seasons made it all the more beautiful. The hotel was gorgeous and the property just amazing. The Four Seasons is an Audubon refuge...incredible wildlife everywhere. I walked on the beach, played golf, hiked through the dry forest (it's not a rainforest!), went swimming, did the zipline, and spent some time in the spa. I ate healthy and stayed active. (PS. This was a site planning visit...can't wait to go back in May!).

I did not gain any weight in the two weeks I was gone. In fact, I think I lost a couple of pounds. I returned from Costa Rica even more committed to my weight loss plan. I want to be in better shape to do all the activities I want to do.

One thing I did...the zip line...offered me a lot of insight about my ability to reach a goal. So, the thing is...we did a little team building activity in Orlando that involved a small zip line. So at the end of the Orlando event, my CEO says to me that he's interested in zip lining in Costa Rica. I took that to mean that I needed to check it out. When I arrived at the Four Seasons, I had the conceirge set up the canopy tour for me. I had a goal and was focused on it (do the zip line). I arrived at Witch's Rock and they suited me up with the full body harness (such an attractive look on the fat girl!) and I began the hike to the first platform.


View from the 1st Platform



That should have been my first clue that this wasn't going to be remotely like the zip line in Orlando. Witch's Rock has 11 lines that covers over 2 miles of canopy. The first zip line was 82 yards high and 135 yards long. I stood on the platform and looked out and the full force of what I was about to do hit me. Holy shit! To say I was suddenly scared would be an understatement. I thought, "Oh crap, what have I gotten myself into? I forgot that I have a slight fear of heights...am I up to this? Can I do this?"

Lucky for me, my guides didn't let me dwell on what I was about to do. One last review of the instructions (basically, hold on with this hand, let the other hand float around the cable, sit back, keep legs up) and GO!

"Whoooooooooo!"

I had a hard time braking...I needed more upper body strength. :) But I flew into platform 2 with a "Whooooo!"

Midway through I reached the longest and highest line...164 yards high and 492 yards long...ack! At this point, I just didn't dwell on the task before me...just kept looking up and controlling my breathing.

Finally reached the final cable and finished with exhilaration! Actually, I felt nauseous. I think it was the adreniline running through me. I drank water and let my heartbeat slow. During the ride back to the base, I laughed and talked with my guides. They'd taken pictures of me during the tour and were just wonderful. Young, healthy, and happy...I must admit, I was jealous of their ease on the lines and wondered if the experience would have been different if I had been in better shape.

When I got back home, on Thursday morning, I was exhausted. Two weeks of non-stop running and stress...I just had to work from home that day. I needed a break. I watched the last episode of Biggest Loser and one of the contestants said, "50 before 50," meaning, she wanted to lose 50 pounds before she turned 50 years old.

I thought about that and decided to make "47 before 47" would be a new mantra for me. Originally I wanted to lose 50 pounds before I turned 47...but 47 before 47 is perfect. I've already lost about 12 pounds...35 more to go before July 11th! That's 21 weeks...just a little over 1.6 pounds a week. So doable!

I know I can do this. Doing the zip line brought home to me how I can set a goal and how I can overcome many obstacles to achieve it. What stops me, and probably many others, from achieving my weight loss goals is fear. Fear of not being good enough and not being lovable and strong enough to do it. But, when have I ever let fear stop me from doing something I really wanted to do? I can think of many times in my life when I have faced my fears and just kept going because I had to or I needed to. I can do this...

Stress hurts

I had a revelation this week...stress hurts. I mean that it physically manifests as feeling tired/exhausted...sometimes I can barely keep my eyes open. I also tend to get headachy and my joints feel inflamed. It's no wonder I am quick to put off exercise and turn to self-medicating with comfort foods or a glass of wine after work.

I have always known that I had issues with anxiety and stress but never realized how symptoms manifested.

What to do? I guess it's just a matter of pushing through and continuing to eat healthy and get in my exercise. And can I just say, exercise, lately has been a confidence boost...when in other areas of my life I'm feeling A bit under-confident.

Self-compassion

"...self-transformation doesn't happen overnight..."

I read that in the Feb. 2011 issue of Yoga Journal. There's a really great article in this issue called Nuture the New You...I needed something like that about right now.

It starts out like this:

"Every resolution to change begins with a burst of hope. You feel great when you do yoga, so you vow to practice every day. Or maybe you realize that your afternoon coffee breaks drain your energy, so you pledge to cut back. When you make these promises, you feel light hearted, elated, perhaps even connected to your higher Self. You're ready to honor your longing for health and happiness. And deep down, you know you're up to the challenge.

But after the initial enthusiasm wears off and you hit your first setback (the tempting latte, the skipped yoga practice), your inner critic pipes up, "What's wrong with you? Why can't you make this simple change?" The voice gets louder and meaner, and soon self-doubt creeps in. Perhaps you try to rally by setting stricter goals, or maybe you decide the resolution isn't so important after all. Either way, your inspiration fades -- and poof! -- your old habits return."

That intro could have been written about me. That is exactly what happens with me.

I am so hard on myself. Things I would never say to a friend or loved one, I wouldn't hesitate to say to myself. And as this article asks...if we know that it doesn't help, then why do we do it?

The article says that we do it because we are mistaking the behavior we want to change for who we are rather than just a bad habit we want to ditch. Right there is my disconnect. So wait a minute...I want to stop being unhealthy...so I try to change this by starting new habits and trying to stay away from the old. It works out just fine for about 3-4weeks...sometimes longer...but sooner or later, I return to old habits. And then I get pissed and think, "things never change" and completely give up because I feel like a loser. But if I look at this habit (of being unhealthy) as a behavior that I'm trying to change...a series of behaviors that I'm trying to change...so that when I have a slip up, I can see that it's really okay if I keep going because it's a process and processes take time...so if I stick with it, the bad habit will wane and new habits will form.

Cultivating self-compassion seems to be another little guidepost on my quest to a healthier life. How to do it? From that same article (referenced above):

"An essential teaching on compassion appears in Yoga Sutra I.33. This sutra advises us to cultivate love for those who are happy, compassion for those who are suffering, joy for those who are virtuous, and equanimity for those who make mistakes."

So how will I cultivate self-compassion today? Tonight? By not freaking out just because I didn't work out today. By giving myself a break. It's Sunday...I ate healthy and exercised over the weekend. Everything is okay. I'm on the road to happy...

C is for Cortisol

Sometimes I get myself so worked up...

Sometimes it takes being repeatedly hit by the 'clue x 4' before we really get it. My struggle with obesity is all about the stress in my life and how I handle it.

Anxiety has been stalking me throughout the past 20 years. I think, by now, I'm so used to the feeling of anxiety that it feels normal. It feels normal to have racing thoughts (monkey mind). It feels normal to need something to calm me down at the end of the day, whether that is wine or cheese or bread or some rich/sweet dessert. It feels normal to get up and scavange the refrigerator when I am worried that I won't be able to do something (complete a task/goal). It feels normal to dampen any rising anxiety by eating until I feel so bad about myself that I am distracted from the overwhelming anxiety that threatens to consume me. (Anxiety! It's EATING me!)

This explains so much...it explains why I am shaped the way I am. It explains the symptoms that I exhibit. And, it explains why the things I have done in the past few years haven't worked.

Cortisol is a steroid hormone. It's also known as the 'stress hormone'. Basically, when we are stressed our adrenal glands release cortisol. The cortisol floods our system and lingers long after the original stressor is gone. Now, understand, the body is supposed to do this but for many of us, our stress response is activated so often, that we end up stuck in a state of chronic stress.

Too much cortisol causes an inflammatory response throughout the body. And, if you google 'chronic inflammation symptoms', you will find out more than you ever wanted to know about how our bodies react to inflammation. Chronic inflammation is the culprit behind so many of my symptoms (asthma, dry eyes, swelling/bloat, joint pain, absent-mindedness, depression, high blood pressure and obesity - particularly, high amounts of belly fat).

Guess what reduces levels of cortisol? Yoga, exercise, meditation, AND eating the right foods. Of course!

But it's not just a matter of calories in/calories out...it is also about eating particular foods that actively reduce levels of cortisol. Dr. Andrew Weil has written about this for years. And you know what, y'all, I have read Dr. Weil's books for years...I've always liked him and what he has to say but, still, the connection...the WHY that I have been looking for all these years...never really jumped out at me. I just lumped myself into the "I'm an emotional eater" category and thought nothing more of it.

What I've been telling myself over these past 5 years is that I am just lazy and don't have enough will-power or determination to stick to my diet plan. I told myself that I just didn't have time and that I needed to concentrate on other things like my relationship or career. I told myself that gaining all this weight was just part of getting older.

On some level, though, I knew that there was a cortisol/stress connection and is why I have been getting into yoga and meditation over the past few years. I don't have it down as a matter of routine, yet...but now I know why it is so important for me to make yoga/meditation/daily exercise a habit.

In the past 3 weeks, I have lost 10 pounds. I am so pleased but more than that, I am feeling so much better for having lost the weight. I don't feel so bloated and I am sleeping so much better at night. I am having more energy during the day and I am not feeling as depressed and anxious.

I have made some simple modifications to my diet, which I think has helped a lot - not drinking coffee in the mornings during the week, not drinking wine in the evenings during the week, switching out sugar cravings for fruit (anytime I want to eat something sweet or sugary/desserty, I have opted for a piece of fruit), and making an effort to stay under 1479 calories a day has really made a big difference.

This time I have been paying attention to how I want to exercise each day. My goal is to get in some exercise 6 days a week with 1 off day. I have modified my workout on the treadmill to reflect this. On days when I am feeling tired and fighting it, I just walk at a little more than moderate pace (NOT strolling) for 30 mins. On days when I'm feeling great, I have pushed myself to go faster and longer.

I want to say that I am excited about what the future holds for my health...I want to say that I am excited at the prospect of a healthy, strong, slim me...but I don't want to be focused on that or let that idea distract me...it seems important for me, right now, to kind of stay in the moment...to focus on today...

So today, I am going to workout for a good long time...at a moderate pace but a nice long walk. Since it is Friday, I did have the luxury of a cup of coffee (1.5 tsp sugar and 1 tbsp. Coconut - nondairy, nonsoy - creamer...YUM!)...but will also have a clean breakfast, lunch and dinner. Tonight some restorative poses (legs up the wall!)...and that will be that.