Yet another change at work. And I am a basket of anxiety, insecurity, and paranoia. I've been putting up with this for 3 years. I'm tired of it...really. This morning, I'm feeling pretty resentful.
My new boss started yesterday and she was grumpy at first and kind of weird. The back story? She's the 3rd boss I've had in 6 months (not counting the guy that I report to above them). The first two told me, point blank, move into this office when I'm gone. I didn't do it when the first one left because I was told that a new boss was coming within a week or so. And she did, and I really adored her. She was smart, kind, and took me under her wing. Then she left at the beginning of August and said move into that office...you need the privacy and it's empty. So I did. And since I've been there, others have told me to stay put.
Then yesterday the new lady started. And the guy never said anything about giving her that office...even during our one on one on Friday. So, it became pretty obvious, pretty fast, that the new lady didn't have a place to land...so I told her, look I'll just move out to one of those cubes. No big deal. And she was all, NO WAY...I'll address this with boss man. I'm like, "bleh."
Anyway, all this translates into ANXIETY for me. Not to mention it's TOM again so I know my hormones are magnifying everything. I should just get there early and move my stuff out.
I guess all of this seems pretty inconsequential to most people...I mean, really, who cares? Office politics are tricky...and this place always, always has something going on. I'm just so tired of it. I'm tired of working 10 hours a day. I'm tired of playing office politics. I'm tired of walking the tight rope.
When I was at Richards, the day they made me move out of my office and back into the general office space, was the day I started looking for a new job...
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Day 6 - WTF, again...
When I weighed yesterday...those extra pounds were gone.
When do you think I will learn not to pay too much attention to the numbers on the scale???
Yesterday was weird. I worked from home and was so busy that I didn't get to breakfast until 11:30. I had a bowl of cereal with some raisins, banana, and almond milk. Then I didn't have anything until 5:30...I hate those days, honestly. So when Cathy got home we went up to Marty's and had a couple glasses of wine (first drink of the week!) and some artichoke bruschetta, tuna salad stuffed tomatoes, and a small cheese plate. When we got home, we had a cookie.
Another lesson for me...could barely keep my eyes open at 10pm...combine an intense work day with two glasses of wine means I am knocked out by 9:30pm.
Yesterday's Diet Journal Prompt: Today, see if you can tell the difference between how it feels to eat when you're hungry and how it feels to eat when you're feeling stressed. Write about those reflections.
Yesterday, I ate when I was hungry. And it felt fine. I mean, I was really hungry when I had that bowl of soup. I was probably a little stressed too because I was working...but I think I was more hungry than stressed. Then when I went to Marty's I was just plain hungry. It was good...I didn't feel guilty about that meal. It was delicious and I ate it with gusto!
So glad to have a long weekend!!! And a short work week next week and the week after is our vacation.
When do you think I will learn not to pay too much attention to the numbers on the scale???
Yesterday was weird. I worked from home and was so busy that I didn't get to breakfast until 11:30. I had a bowl of cereal with some raisins, banana, and almond milk. Then I didn't have anything until 5:30...I hate those days, honestly. So when Cathy got home we went up to Marty's and had a couple glasses of wine (first drink of the week!) and some artichoke bruschetta, tuna salad stuffed tomatoes, and a small cheese plate. When we got home, we had a cookie.
Another lesson for me...could barely keep my eyes open at 10pm...combine an intense work day with two glasses of wine means I am knocked out by 9:30pm.
Yesterday's Diet Journal Prompt: Today, see if you can tell the difference between how it feels to eat when you're hungry and how it feels to eat when you're feeling stressed. Write about those reflections.
Yesterday, I ate when I was hungry. And it felt fine. I mean, I was really hungry when I had that bowl of soup. I was probably a little stressed too because I was working...but I think I was more hungry than stressed. Then when I went to Marty's I was just plain hungry. It was good...I didn't feel guilty about that meal. It was delicious and I ate it with gusto!
So glad to have a long weekend!!! And a short work week next week and the week after is our vacation.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Day 5 -- WTF?
Damnit. Seriously. This is what derails me faster than anything.
I was feeling pretty good this morning. Went downstairs to check the scale. Um. A gain of 3 pounds??? Okay, yeah, yeah, I haven't gained 3 pounds of fat. There's no way I have consummed enough calories for that to have happened over the past few days. BUT damnit...this is supposed to be the anti-bloat diet...how am I retaining water??? Am I doing it wrong??? I'm following the rules...WTF?
Okay...deep breath.
Non-scale victories...
Be consistent...don't give up...that "water weight" could drop off next week.
Go to yoga tonight.
Breathe.
What was my mantra? Look better, live better, feel better, be better.
The scale doesn't mean crap...right?!
I was feeling pretty good this morning. Went downstairs to check the scale. Um. A gain of 3 pounds??? Okay, yeah, yeah, I haven't gained 3 pounds of fat. There's no way I have consummed enough calories for that to have happened over the past few days. BUT damnit...this is supposed to be the anti-bloat diet...how am I retaining water??? Am I doing it wrong??? I'm following the rules...WTF?
Okay...deep breath.
Non-scale victories...
Be consistent...don't give up...that "water weight" could drop off next week.
Go to yoga tonight.
Breathe.
What was my mantra? Look better, live better, feel better, be better.
The scale doesn't mean crap...right?!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Days 3 and 4 of Anti-Bloat Diet
When I wrote yesterday morning, I was writing about Day 2 (Monday), so before I get too far behind, I want to catch up.
Yesterday was a fairly good day. I got in a workout on my treadmill in the morning before work. I was able to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner, despite the fact that I was so busy at work. Sadly, I did not make it out of the office in time to go to yoga...in fact, I didn't even leave the office until well after 6pm. Got home and relaxed a little bit and then we had a fairly healthy dinner (grilled steak - 4oz each), organic yellow corn, organic broccoli, and a small salad. I went to bed on time and was able to sleep fairly well through the night.
This morning I got up, had 2 cups of coffee and then did my treadmill workout. Packed breakfast, lunch and a snack and then booked it out the door to the office. Was so insanely busy that I only got in part of my breakfast, did get in lunch but no snack. Didn't leave the office until well past 6pm again.
As it turns out, the chicken I'd put in the fridge hadn't defrosted, so we decided to have eggs and toast for dinner. I made 1/2 whole eggs and 1/2 egg whites scrambled, with some good whole wheat toast, and two turkey sausage links. I had a banana and less than half a cup of coconut milk ice cream for dessert.
Tomorrow I plan to do more of the same. I'm feeling pretty good and have added to my new mantra: look better, live better, feel better, be better!
By the way - the journal prompts for days 3 and 4:
Practice mindful eating. If you watch TV, check your e-mail, even read the newspaper during meals, you will be distracted from how much and how fast you're eating. Have one meal today in total peace and quiet. Take your time, savor the taste and texture of the food and, eventually, the sensation of fullness. Be conscious of the emotions you feel while you eat. Write about the experience.
I did not do this on day 3. I usually eat breakfast and lunch at my desk while I'm working. I just don't have time to sit there and eat and pay attention to my feelings. I don't mean for this to come across as negatively as it sounds. So perhaps I need to take the time to just sit and feel. I mean, it's what? 15-20 mins at most.
For dinner, we usually eat at the table. There was a month or so when we were eating on the sofa in front of the TV because we'd covered the dining room table with projects we were working on. But that got old real fast, so we moved everything so that we could get back to eating at the table. I prefer it...sitting on the sofa, eating dinner while watching TV doesn't feel good to me. We are not talking to each other and it's just uncomfortable to have to eat in that position. When we eat at the table, I feel more comfortable, the cat and dog don't beg as much, we are focused on the meal and on each other...it's a time for us to catch up. I like that!
Think of a meal that didn't go well - maybe you overindulged or ate something you later wished you hadn't. Imagine you could go back and "do over" that meal. Write about what you would do differently next time around.
So many meals that haven't gone well, and so little time to write about them. But, I gotta say, I love a good "do over." Ideally, for any meal that didn't go well...I'd eat healther. Usually, when I feel bad about a meal, it's because it is a lot of processed fake food. :)
Yesterday was a fairly good day. I got in a workout on my treadmill in the morning before work. I was able to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner, despite the fact that I was so busy at work. Sadly, I did not make it out of the office in time to go to yoga...in fact, I didn't even leave the office until well after 6pm. Got home and relaxed a little bit and then we had a fairly healthy dinner (grilled steak - 4oz each), organic yellow corn, organic broccoli, and a small salad. I went to bed on time and was able to sleep fairly well through the night.
This morning I got up, had 2 cups of coffee and then did my treadmill workout. Packed breakfast, lunch and a snack and then booked it out the door to the office. Was so insanely busy that I only got in part of my breakfast, did get in lunch but no snack. Didn't leave the office until well past 6pm again.
As it turns out, the chicken I'd put in the fridge hadn't defrosted, so we decided to have eggs and toast for dinner. I made 1/2 whole eggs and 1/2 egg whites scrambled, with some good whole wheat toast, and two turkey sausage links. I had a banana and less than half a cup of coconut milk ice cream for dessert.
Tomorrow I plan to do more of the same. I'm feeling pretty good and have added to my new mantra: look better, live better, feel better, be better!
By the way - the journal prompts for days 3 and 4:
Practice mindful eating. If you watch TV, check your e-mail, even read the newspaper during meals, you will be distracted from how much and how fast you're eating. Have one meal today in total peace and quiet. Take your time, savor the taste and texture of the food and, eventually, the sensation of fullness. Be conscious of the emotions you feel while you eat. Write about the experience.
I did not do this on day 3. I usually eat breakfast and lunch at my desk while I'm working. I just don't have time to sit there and eat and pay attention to my feelings. I don't mean for this to come across as negatively as it sounds. So perhaps I need to take the time to just sit and feel. I mean, it's what? 15-20 mins at most.
For dinner, we usually eat at the table. There was a month or so when we were eating on the sofa in front of the TV because we'd covered the dining room table with projects we were working on. But that got old real fast, so we moved everything so that we could get back to eating at the table. I prefer it...sitting on the sofa, eating dinner while watching TV doesn't feel good to me. We are not talking to each other and it's just uncomfortable to have to eat in that position. When we eat at the table, I feel more comfortable, the cat and dog don't beg as much, we are focused on the meal and on each other...it's a time for us to catch up. I like that!
Think of a meal that didn't go well - maybe you overindulged or ate something you later wished you hadn't. Imagine you could go back and "do over" that meal. Write about what you would do differently next time around.
So many meals that haven't gone well, and so little time to write about them. But, I gotta say, I love a good "do over." Ideally, for any meal that didn't go well...I'd eat healther. Usually, when I feel bad about a meal, it's because it is a lot of processed fake food. :)
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