It has been really really hard for me to focus on my health goals this week. Just when I thought that I "had this"...you know? I thought...I can do this! I got this!...stress, STRESS, stops me right in my tracks.
I feel so stressed out and under so much pressure right now. And when this happens I tend to fall back, hard, on old coping behaviors.
What is the least I could do to take care of myself during this time of high stress? I could meditate...breathe!...work more closely with Nature! (calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean...). I could eat very simply and very healthy and take all my vitamins and drink lots of water. I could make an effort to be positive. (I think a positive attitude REALLY helps with weight loss...so must remember not to be so damn cynical all the time!). I could make time to laugh every day...one of those really long, gasping for breath, tears squeezing out of your eyes, laughing so hard that you're about to pee your pants...do that every day and it's got to be a huge stress relief, right?!
So I watched BL last night. And I thought...maybe I was getting ahead of myself by saying I'd match their challenge each week. Okay. The Balance Beam challenge of last week never worked out. And I honestly can't say that I have the time or inclination to figure out how to match a challenge involving a 1000 feet of ribbon and a playground (Cincinnati is soggy and cold right now). I never did get Cathy to take my picture last week (did I mention that I've been buried with work? both on the timecard and off!).
But, it's a new day.
So let's dish about BL. So, wow! Lots of anger going on in that show. Bob and Jillian pissed off at Melissa (Red) for "lying" to them...playing the game and pretending like she isn't. Migdalia pissed off, first at the outcome of the challenge...I mean, really, that's where it started! And then shifting her focus to Jillian because Jillian told Migdalia that if she doesn't watch it her daughter will end up just like her...just like Migdalia ended up just like Miggy. You follow? ;> And now Lance is pissed at Jillian and Bob for calling Melissa "a liar on national television!" OH and Michael pissed at the Grey team for calling him out at the weigh in and the Grey Team annoyed with Michael because he's lazy. Did I miss anyone? Whew!
The bright spots? I'm liking the Grey Team more...they seem sweet at heart. I like the Pink Team ladies more. I miss knowing anything at all about the Orange Team (come on show!). I like that Purple girl. I was happy for Pink doing so well at the weigh in.
So a new week too. Another week to get it right. So this week...with the stress increasing...this week I'm going to make the following goals:
~meditate 3x
~treadmill 5x
~yoga 2x
~drink 100oz water daily
~eat 5 veggies a day
~take my supplements daily
I think that I can do that. I think that doing that will set me up to feel better for the week that I'll be in New Orleans (work! not fun).
Would love to hear from anyone reading this...how do you get through times of stress?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
I Will Survive...
"I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive..."
~Gloria Gaynor
This week was really hard. I was dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety. All the stress really pushed my "jump off the wagon NOW!" buttons.
Monday morning kicked off the week with a crappy beginning. It didn't get better. I had two proposals due by week's end. One of them was fairly complicated and meant that I had to do as much working with "personalities" as writing. The physical/emotional/mental stress that seemed never-ending this week would usually be something that would exhaust me...so much so that I wouldn't feel like going to the gym...or wouldn't feel like making my breakfast/lunch/dinner. This kind of stress usually makes me want to "treat" myself.
It used to be...that to "treat" myself was all about sitting on the sofa and watching TV and eating cake. And this would have been the week because I had to spend a lot of time on computer. I ended up getting up early in the mornings and working all day and into the evening for these proposals. So yeah, I was sitting in front of the TV for a large portion of that time.
I wonder if a lot of my self-sabotage is all about how stress pushes me into old habits? Because how have a dealt with stress and anxiety for much of my life? By numbing out and "treating" myself. Because nothing else seems to get me through the stressful times.
But, what I didn't realise is that things change. Habits and ways of being do change if you keep at it. There was a time where I never thought I would be the kind of person who actually drinks mostly water...mostly fresh, pure, still, room temp water. And some how...I find that this water is something that I crave the way I used to crave Diet Dr. Pepper. And I can't believe that I ever drank two 2 liters of that crap every single day.
So this week...I continued with my workouts. And I ate well. I ate healthy foods...took my vitamins...drank lots of water. The workouts were not as intense...I eased up on that a bit...not hitting those 500 calorie burns (my daily fitness goal)...but I made it to the gym at least 3 times this week. And in the face of a powerful temptation (box of chocolate covered cherries)...I refused them. Yes! Bonbons to eat while I sit on the sofa and numb out to some stupid TV show...and I refused them.
Tuesday night, Cathy and I were watching Biggest Loser (speaking of stupid TV shows, right?). But, Cathy turns to me and says, "Why don't we do a Biggest Loser week?" And I thought it was a great idea. So I said, "Yes! Let's do it!" It was the right amount of motivation and just the right time...I so needed to hear that because suddenly it felt like I wasn't in this by myself. It's so motivating when my partner is as invested in creating a healthy/fit lifestyle as I am. Much of the time I feel pretty self-motivated but sometimes, when I'm feeling the most stressed out, it helps to have someone right there to say, "Let's do this!"
I weighed on Wednesday morning and really must have been retaining water because I had jumped back up to my "Christmas 2009" weight. So Wednesday morning I thought, "Yeah this BL week is good because it will help me turn this 'weight gain' back around."
I weighed myself yesterday and was happy to see a smaller number on the scale. And then weighed myself this morning (Yeah, yeah, I know!!!) and am happy to say I'm back to my "pre-Christmas 2009" weight. 181.
Since January I have really been trying to work on my stressors...I've been trying to go with the flow more. This week, I think I achieved it. Like a salmon swimming upstream, I dove deeper so that I could avoid the churning/rushing water on the surface.
I feel that I was pretty successful this week...of course there could have been better moments but "progress, not perfection" is the balance I'm seeking.
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive..."
~Gloria Gaynor
This week was really hard. I was dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety. All the stress really pushed my "jump off the wagon NOW!" buttons.
Monday morning kicked off the week with a crappy beginning. It didn't get better. I had two proposals due by week's end. One of them was fairly complicated and meant that I had to do as much working with "personalities" as writing. The physical/emotional/mental stress that seemed never-ending this week would usually be something that would exhaust me...so much so that I wouldn't feel like going to the gym...or wouldn't feel like making my breakfast/lunch/dinner. This kind of stress usually makes me want to "treat" myself.
It used to be...that to "treat" myself was all about sitting on the sofa and watching TV and eating cake. And this would have been the week because I had to spend a lot of time on computer. I ended up getting up early in the mornings and working all day and into the evening for these proposals. So yeah, I was sitting in front of the TV for a large portion of that time.
I wonder if a lot of my self-sabotage is all about how stress pushes me into old habits? Because how have a dealt with stress and anxiety for much of my life? By numbing out and "treating" myself. Because nothing else seems to get me through the stressful times.
But, what I didn't realise is that things change. Habits and ways of being do change if you keep at it. There was a time where I never thought I would be the kind of person who actually drinks mostly water...mostly fresh, pure, still, room temp water. And some how...I find that this water is something that I crave the way I used to crave Diet Dr. Pepper. And I can't believe that I ever drank two 2 liters of that crap every single day.
So this week...I continued with my workouts. And I ate well. I ate healthy foods...took my vitamins...drank lots of water. The workouts were not as intense...I eased up on that a bit...not hitting those 500 calorie burns (my daily fitness goal)...but I made it to the gym at least 3 times this week. And in the face of a powerful temptation (box of chocolate covered cherries)...I refused them. Yes! Bonbons to eat while I sit on the sofa and numb out to some stupid TV show...and I refused them.
Tuesday night, Cathy and I were watching Biggest Loser (speaking of stupid TV shows, right?
I weighed on Wednesday morning and really must have been retaining water because I had jumped back up to my "Christmas 2009" weight. So Wednesday morning I thought, "Yeah this BL week is good because it will help me turn this 'weight gain' back around."
I weighed myself yesterday and was happy to see a smaller number on the scale. And then weighed myself this morning (Yeah, yeah, I know!!!) and am happy to say I'm back to my "pre-Christmas 2009" weight. 181.
Since January I have really been trying to work on my stressors...I've been trying to go with the flow more. This week, I think I achieved it. Like a salmon swimming upstream, I dove deeper so that I could avoid the churning/rushing water on the surface.
I feel that I was pretty successful this week...of course there could have been better moments but "progress, not perfection" is the balance I'm seeking.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Biggest Loser - Week 2
What a week this has been! The good news? I did get to watch BL this week. The bad news...that's about it. I was consummed with work! Actually, I take that back, I have been able to fit in my workouts...and am going to work out again this morning.
Sooo. The BL dish? Let's see...they focused on the Purple team throughout the show so I was prepared for them to fall below the yellow line (or the White team!). The challenge this week was to walk across a balance beam that was placed over the width of a swimming pool...they had to carry beach balls across and the team who carried over 10 (??) balls first would win immunity. The Red Team won. Oh but there was drama. The Purple team Mom was worried because she had some medical condition that made her feet numb (something about being really overweight that made her feet numb! Ack!!!). And the White team Mom had a huge fear of water...this played out the first time that she was going to cross the beam...she freaked out...fell off the beam (I think she put one foot on it) and fell flat on her face...she was bleeding a lot...i think she smashed her nose and broke a finger. Sooo, the White team was disqualified (because White team Son went to hospital with Mom rather than to finish the challenge) and given a 2 pound penalty.
Since it was the second week...the losses weren't that huge (but really, much better than what I normally lose in a week! So whatever show!). In the end, one of my favorites...the Purple Team Mom...cause, wow...she really needed to be there...and seemed like a really nice lady...she went home. Two months later she'd lost a total of 40+ pounds.
I have no idea how I'm going to replicate that challenge. I thought about just getting a board and walking across it carrying a ball...but honestly, that's not really like the challenge because I imagine it would be quite different walking across a beam that's suspended over water. I've actually always been quite good on a balance beam...so I don't think it would be a challenge I couldn't do. But I just don't have access to a setup like that. Sooo...I need to think about this and come up with an activity that involves balance and movement. I was thinking...I have one of those exercise balls...perhaps I can find a kind of exercise that I could do on it (so that I'm incorporating balance)? Any ideas would be appreciated.
I am going to post this week's photo today. Sorry it's a few days late! Work has been a bear...and the stress and anxiety and depletion I've felt has been really hard to deal with this week. I'll write more about that in a separate post. But watch this space for this week's photo. I'm going to ask Cathy to take it after my workout so that I can post it here later.
Sooo. The BL dish? Let's see...they focused on the Purple team throughout the show so I was prepared for them to fall below the yellow line (or the White team!). The challenge this week was to walk across a balance beam that was placed over the width of a swimming pool...they had to carry beach balls across and the team who carried over 10 (??) balls first would win immunity. The Red Team won. Oh but there was drama. The Purple team Mom was worried because she had some medical condition that made her feet numb (something about being really overweight that made her feet numb! Ack!!!). And the White team Mom had a huge fear of water...this played out the first time that she was going to cross the beam...she freaked out...fell off the beam (I think she put one foot on it) and fell flat on her face...she was bleeding a lot...i think she smashed her nose and broke a finger. Sooo, the White team was disqualified (because White team Son went to hospital with Mom rather than to finish the challenge) and given a 2 pound penalty.
Since it was the second week...the losses weren't that huge (but really, much better than what I normally lose in a week! So whatever show!). In the end, one of my favorites...the Purple Team Mom...cause, wow...she really needed to be there...and seemed like a really nice lady...she went home. Two months later she'd lost a total of 40+ pounds.
I have no idea how I'm going to replicate that challenge. I thought about just getting a board and walking across it carrying a ball...but honestly, that's not really like the challenge because I imagine it would be quite different walking across a beam that's suspended over water. I've actually always been quite good on a balance beam...so I don't think it would be a challenge I couldn't do. But I just don't have access to a setup like that. Sooo...I need to think about this and come up with an activity that involves balance and movement. I was thinking...I have one of those exercise balls...perhaps I can find a kind of exercise that I could do on it (so that I'm incorporating balance)? Any ideas would be appreciated.
I am going to post this week's photo today. Sorry it's a few days late! Work has been a bear...and the stress and anxiety and depletion I've felt has been really hard to deal with this week. I'll write more about that in a separate post. But watch this space for this week's photo. I'm going to ask Cathy to take it after my workout so that I can post it here later.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
The Bike
I went to the gym yesterday to ride 13.1 miles. My weekly challenge.
And it was going just fine...I mean, other than the fact that my booty was uncomfortable on that seat...I was tooling along just fine and had completed 6.3 miles in 20 mins...then I checked my calories burned. 108. Ack! I normally burn at least 200 cals in 20 mins. So I stopped and got on the treadmill. Sorry folks...but I don't have a huge daily burn to hit like the BL contestants...so I really need to hit it in the time that I have. I didn't realize that biking like that burned far less calories than being on the treadmill. Soooo...I jumped on the mill for another 25 mins so that I could at least make it to 350 cals. I wanted to bike 13.1 miles...and could have done it because, seriously, 6 miles was a breeze. But if I'd been on BL, I would have been one of those teams that was kicked off.
In addition to posting the results of my bike challenge...I also wanted to post a photo a week. Hopefully, next week, I'll get it together and be able to post all of this in one post (sorry about the multiple posts on this subject!). I asked Cathy to snap a quick photo of me when I got back from the gym.
And it was going just fine...I mean, other than the fact that my booty was uncomfortable on that seat...I was tooling along just fine and had completed 6.3 miles in 20 mins...then I checked my calories burned. 108. Ack! I normally burn at least 200 cals in 20 mins. So I stopped and got on the treadmill. Sorry folks...but I don't have a huge daily burn to hit like the BL contestants...so I really need to hit it in the time that I have. I didn't realize that biking like that burned far less calories than being on the treadmill. Soooo...I jumped on the mill for another 25 mins so that I could at least make it to 350 cals. I wanted to bike 13.1 miles...and could have done it because, seriously, 6 miles was a breeze. But if I'd been on BL, I would have been one of those teams that was kicked off.
In addition to posting the results of my bike challenge...I also wanted to post a photo a week. Hopefully, next week, I'll get it together and be able to post all of this in one post (sorry about the multiple posts on this subject!). I asked Cathy to snap a quick photo of me when I got back from the gym.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Biggest Loser - Week 1 / Mini-cap
So we start with 4 minutes of previews...Sheesh. Seriously. Get on with it, already!
It's the fattest season ever...and I'm going to say right up front, I am seriously beginning to have a problem with this show. I'm starting to feel like I'm watching TLC's Brookhaven Obesity Clinic. I fully expect that we will be watching the BL producers using a crane to transport next season's contestants to the ranch. I wish, for just one season, they'd make all the contestants have a more realistic amount of weight to lose. You know? Like 60 pounds. Yeah, I know it's not as dramatic but I think more folks could relate. Though everyone would probably bitch about how boring it is. ;>
So, first challenge...26.2 miles on a bike. Damnit...totally called that one wrong. Thanks show! Guess what I'll be doing at the gym tonight? However, notice...each TEAM had to ride 26.2 miles...so since I'm a team of 1, I'll be riding 13.1 miles tonight. Gad. I hate the bike!
So the Blue and Yellow Teams lost the challenge and were kicked off.
And it's all sad and stuff...there's crying in the limo but then we see some really cute legs...you just know it's Bob and Jill...and they both jump out in front of a limo and yell, "Stop" and then run around and open the doors. Bob for the Blue Team and Jillian for the Yellow Team. They have 30 days at home (and Bob and Jillian will come train them) and then will come back to the ranch to weigh in against each other.
Then there's killing them with the workouts...and suddenly we are at weigh in. Most of the guys lost 24-34 pounds. In a week, folks! Damn and Wow. So it comes down to the "half ton twins" and the gang sends home the one with the bum leg. He's got a pool. And it must have worked for him because in the "where they are now" segment, he'd down 100 pounds in 2 months (2 months!!!! Sheesh! It's taken me 12 months to lose 15 pounds).
Speaking of...so as I said...I'll post my weight loss for the week along with this BL recap. I weighed this morning and am happy to say that I've lost 2 pounds since my last weigh-in (Friday). I was going to post a photo but didn't have time to take one this morning. I'll get Cathy to take one of me tonight on my way to the gym and then will come back here and post it. And I'll let you know how I did on the 13.1 mile bike ride. :)
It's the fattest season ever...and I'm going to say right up front, I am seriously beginning to have a problem with this show. I'm starting to feel like I'm watching TLC's Brookhaven Obesity Clinic. I fully expect that we will be watching the BL producers using a crane to transport next season's contestants to the ranch. I wish, for just one season, they'd make all the contestants have a more realistic amount of weight to lose. You know? Like 60 pounds. Yeah, I know it's not as dramatic but I think more folks could relate. Though everyone would probably bitch about how boring it is. ;>
So, first challenge...26.2 miles on a bike. Damnit...totally called that one wrong. Thanks show! Guess what I'll be doing at the gym tonight? However, notice...each TEAM had to ride 26.2 miles...so since I'm a team of 1, I'll be riding 13.1 miles tonight. Gad. I hate the bike!
So the Blue and Yellow Teams lost the challenge and were kicked off.
And it's all sad and stuff...there's crying in the limo but then we see some really cute legs...you just know it's Bob and Jill...and they both jump out in front of a limo and yell, "Stop" and then run around and open the doors. Bob for the Blue Team and Jillian for the Yellow Team. They have 30 days at home (and Bob and Jillian will come train them) and then will come back to the ranch to weigh in against each other.
Then there's killing them with the workouts...and suddenly we are at weigh in. Most of the guys lost 24-34 pounds. In a week, folks! Damn and Wow. So it comes down to the "half ton twins" and the gang sends home the one with the bum leg. He's got a pool. And it must have worked for him because in the "where they are now" segment, he'd down 100 pounds in 2 months (2 months!!!! Sheesh! It's taken me 12 months to lose 15 pounds).
Speaking of...so as I said...I'll post my weight loss for the week along with this BL recap. I weighed this morning and am happy to say that I've lost 2 pounds since my last weigh-in (Friday). I was going to post a photo but didn't have time to take one this morning. I'll get Cathy to take one of me tonight on my way to the gym and then will come back here and post it. And I'll let you know how I did on the 13.1 mile bike ride. :)
Monday, January 4, 2010
My 1st Mile...
"Running is a big question mark that's there each and every day. It asks you, 'Are you going to be a wimp or are you going to be strong today?'"
~ Peter Maher, Canadian marathon runner
Yesterday I chose to be strong. I was nervous...I didn't think I could do it. But I really surprised myself. I did it and felt pretty strong! My time was between 13:00 and 13:15.
It was very cold but I warmed up fairly quickly. Honestly, the hardest part was getting off my street (1/10th of a mile). Once I turned that corner, I felt pretty good. And once I passed the 1/2 mile mark, I knew I could do it. I surprised myself and am really glad I took up the challenge!
Cathy met me at the finish and took photos...thought I'd share them with you:
~ Peter Maher, Canadian marathon runner
Yesterday I chose to be strong. I was nervous...I didn't think I could do it. But I really surprised myself. I did it and felt pretty strong! My time was between 13:00 and 13:15.
It was very cold but I warmed up fairly quickly. Honestly, the hardest part was getting off my street (1/10th of a mile). Once I turned that corner, I felt pretty good. And once I passed the 1/2 mile mark, I knew I could do it. I surprised myself and am really glad I took up the challenge!
Cathy met me at the finish and took photos...thought I'd share them with you:
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Biggest Loser - Week 1 / Challenge 1
I'm getting ready to run a mile.
I know that the first episode of BL will feature all the contestants attempting to walk a mile. Since I've been working out for months, and often walk at least 3 miles at each workout, I thought I'd adapt that challenge to suit me. Thus...run a mile.
I'm nervous.
It's cold out 17 degrees F!!! I have asthma and I have an eye that tends to water in cold, windy weather. And, I'm not a runner!
I don't know that I can do this but I'm going to give it a shot.
Cathy's going to meet me at the finish and take a photo that I will post this week.
Here we go! The 'official' start of my very own Biggest Loser challenge...
I know that the first episode of BL will feature all the contestants attempting to walk a mile. Since I've been working out for months, and often walk at least 3 miles at each workout, I thought I'd adapt that challenge to suit me. Thus...run a mile.
I'm nervous.
It's cold out 17 degrees F!!! I have asthma and I have an eye that tends to water in cold, windy weather. And, I'm not a runner!
I don't know that I can do this but I'm going to give it a shot.
Cathy's going to meet me at the finish and take a photo that I will post this week.
Here we go! The 'official' start of my very own Biggest Loser challenge...
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