Hey Guess What?

I moved!

Come here...

Summer Playlist

Rolling In the Deep, Adele

You Should Be Dancing, Bee Gees

Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It), Beyoncé

Meet Me Halfway, Black Eyed Peas

I Gotta Feeling, Black Eyed Peas

Shut Up, Black Eyed Peas

My Humps, Black Eyed Peas

Waiting for a Star to Fall, Boy Meets Girl

Come On Eileen, Dexy's Midnight Runners & Kevin Rowland

Lose Yourself, Eminem

Low, (feat. T-Pain) Flo Rida

Cool, Gwen Stefani

Become You, Indigo Girls

Tightrope, (feat. Big Boi) Janelle Monáe

On the Floor, (feat. Pitbull) Jennifer Lopez

Just Another Day, Jon Secada

Sexy Back, Justin Timberlake

Teenage Dream, Katy Perry

I Run to You, Lady Antebellum

Bad Romance, Lady GaGa

Born This Way, Lady GaGa

Telephone, Lady GaGa

Are You Gonna Go My Way, Lenny Kravitz

Ray Of Light, Madonna

4 Minutes, (feat. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland) Madonna

Lose Control, (Featuring Ciara & Fat Man Scoop) Missy Elliott featuring Ciara & Fat Man Scoop

Raise Your Glass, P!nk

Go All the Way, The Raspberries

Disturbia Rihanna

S&M, Rihanna

Only Girl (In the World), Rihanna

Suerte (Whenever, Wherever), Shakira

Goodnight Moon, Shivaree

Rapper's Delight, The Sugarhill Gang

It's My Life, Talk Talk

Hey, Soul Sister, Train

It's a Beautiful Day, U2

It's Not My Time, 3 Doors Down

108 Blessings: A List of Gratitude

Thanks to Spoiled Yogi for this! I read her list and decided that it was just what I needed to do as well.

I have been in a funk and desperately trying to make my way out of it...so counting my blessings seems like a great way to open to gratitude, compassion, and love, rather than to shut down and bow under the pressure of negativity, anxiety, and fear.

In no particular order...I am grateful for:

1. Where I am at this very moment.
2. This house...my home and retreat.
3. My job.
4. My partner.
5. My family.
6. My friends.
7. Riley and Maddie.
8. This blog.
9. Treadmills.
10. My gardens...the rain garden, the Peace garden, and the little veggie patch.
11. My kitchen...where I am able to create delicious things.
12. Yogaglo.
13. My yoga practice...however sparse it may seem to, some times, be...I have grown it so much over the past two years.
14. My health.
15. My 47th birthday weekend.
16. Sitting on the back patio and just listening to the neighborhood sounds.
17. Free airplane tickets.
18. Yoga Journal, Clean Eating, Spirituality & Health magazines.
19. Cake.
20. Chocolate.
21. Fresh pineapple.
22. My caprice salad with an amazing baguette and olives.
23. iPad, iPod, iPhone.
24. Music!
25. Tracking my workouts.
26. Air conditioning in the summer and heat in the winter.
27. Our firepit on the patio in October.
28. Good wine.
29. Going to wine tastings with Cathy.
30. My office.
31. Walks through the neighborhood.
32. Feeling good.
33. My cellphone.
34. Being able to touch base with friends and family though teh interwebs!
35. Being able to visit family and friends in person.
36. My travels.
37. Comfortable shoes.
38. Laughing at awful commercials.
39. Friday night dinner and a movie with my partner.
40. Weekends we spend doing yardwork and hanging out.
41. My spiritual practice.
42. The beach.
43. The ocean.
44. Snorkeling.
45. Photography.
46. Going to the farm market.
47. Planting things.
48. My car...transportation is great!
49. Learning about my body and what works for me (like probiotics! not eating tons of sugar!).
50. Have I said, "comfortable shoes"?
51. Pajamma like clothing...NOT pajamma jeans.
52. Humingbirds.
53. Bees
54. Polar bears.
55. Dolphins.
56. Horses.
57. The perfect little black dress.
58. Giving presents.
59. Hiking and camping.
60. Yoga retreats.
61. Pedicures and manicures.
62. Massage (both giving and receiving).
63. Huge, hilarious, belly laughs.
64. Earl Grey tea.
65. Coffee with organic sugar and So Delicious Coconut Vanilla Coffee Creamer.
66. Grater's ice cream.
67. Watermelon, cantaloupe, grapes, berries, apples, cherries...
68. Cathy's spaghetti.
69. Organic veggies.
70. Being green...
71. Mosquito repellant.
72. Incense.
73. The smell of fresh citrus!
74. Grilled cheese sandwiches.
75. Sunny days with cool breezes.
76. Fridays.
77. Saturdays.
78. Holidays.
79. Malas as a meditation tool.
80. My spiritual altar.
81. The awesome Kroger with the great organic section that is just up the street from my office.
82. My body as it is right now...at this very moment.
83. Jillian Michaels' podcasts.
84. BPA free cans.
85. Organic, free-trade coffee.
86. Black grapes.
87. People who keep their word.
88. Magical movies.
89. Floating in a pool.
90. Kittens.
91. Moisturizer.
92. Airplanes and good airfares.
93. Recognition when I've done a good job.
94. House plants.
95. Trees.
96. The light at late afternoon.
97. Illustrator, photoshop, inDesign!
98. Fires in a fire pit.
99. Roasting marshmallows.
100. Making Christmas fudge for presents.
101. 30 Rock, Community, Parks & Recreation, Happy Endings, shows that make me laugh.
102. Slow dancing.
103. A very cool room, cool pillows, and comfy bed for sleeping.
104. Being able to say, "I'm sorry."
105. Forgiveness.
106. Small moments of JOY in an otherwise dull day.
107. Fun dinner parties with friends.
108. Knowing that it's never too late to make things better.

Begin Again

I've written about this before but thought I would post again...on beginning again.

A new moon rises tonight...an auspicious time for new beginnings. If you've been working on something and have hit a point where everything has ground to a halt, now is the time to renew, start over, begin again.

I don't know if it's still on sale but about 3 or 4 months ago, I bought a Yoga Journal special edition called Yoga for Weight Loss (by the way, a fantastic magazine that I read cover to cover, several times!). Anyway, amoung all the great columns and features, there was one article that really stood out for me. Titled, Begin Again, by Phillip Moffitt (pps 114-117), it explores the practice of starting over through meditation and being present.

I feel like, to really change my life, I have to embrace beginning again...it is consistency that is going to erase old habits and replace them with healthy ones. What helps me, when I've gone off track, is to pause, notice that I've gone off track and begin a meditation practice with the mantra, "Just start over.."

I've written, in my last 2 posts, about my struggle to stay on track during the month of June. That time proved to be difficult and, yes, I've had a minor setback, but it's nothing I can't turn around.

It's July! A new month of getting my walk on in the mornings! I enjoy them so much and am excited by the prospect of getting back to my walks. Though I didn't make it to the Greenhills Pioneer walk this morning (puppy drama - see my Facebook page for the backstory), I intend to go for a 5k walk of my own today (or treadmill if it rains). And I already have a race schedule set up for the rest of the year. The next one is the Lady Distance Classic (a 10k) in August.

These races serve as such a huge motivation for me to keep up with my exercise regimen. I like the competition and the race SWAG, and the whole ritual of it all...it keeps me motivated. So I will be training throughout July for my August race. I can get back to tracking on my favorite exercise website, Daily Mile...bet I can add 25 more donuts to my balance before August 1st.

Another way I'm going to begin again; I'm going to start taking Probiotics again. I gave them a 2 month trial and got good results but, for whatever reason, stopped taking them after that (maybe it was that I simply ran out). At any rate, will pick up a new bottle and start taking them again. I think my digestion is so much better and it helps me to keep my diet clean.

Foodwise, I'd like to keep it fresh, cold, juicy, and bright for the summer...so lots of salads, fruits, cold dinners and lunches...simple, fresh, local, and organic, that's how I want to eat. Oh, and lots of color...all the colors of the rainbow means that you are getting really essential vitamins and minerals.

And finally, I think, I am looking forward to renewing my yoga and meditation practice. I think, it is essential that at the end of a workday, instead of rushing home to cook dinner...I should slow down and take a deliberate pause to do yoga and/or meditate...to break with all the anxiety of work BEFORE I prepare dinner...to yoga.

When life gets in the way...

I'm not really an every day blogger. I often write when I'm excited about something. And since this is a healthy lifestyle blog, my posts generally coincide with when I'm loving my healthy lifestyle.

When I don't post for long periods, then it usually means that I've fallen off the wagon or am struggling with my healthy lifestyle journey. It's almost as if real life...the life that is going on while I'm focused on my health...jumps up and says, "hey! right here...no time to focus on all that now."

It's been 14 days since I last exercised. I have been eating more and more processed foods. I have been overeating.

So what's going on?

Symptoms: anger, depression, boredom, stress, anxiety, feelings of exhaustion, alternating between feeling like I'm "starving" to not hungry at all, grasping, feeling like I just want to be alone and "in"...

So what is going on?

Rationalizations: I got a sinus infection, we had a death in the family (and it was surprising and will take time to accept and make peace with), work is hard and I'm feeling overwhelmed and under-supported...

Scripts: I'm not smart enough. I'm not professional enough. I'm not perfect. I can't do this. I'm never going to succeed. I have so much to do, I don't know how I'm ever going to get it all done. I'm a loser.

When those scripts are running through my head...they are very loud and very persistant. They lead to the symptoms I listed above.

Quieting those scripts or changing them seems impossible.

Flipping the script helps.

I'm a smart, professional who is capable of performing the assigned tasks. I am successful. I have a lot to do and will get it all done within the set deadline.

I need to repeat that a few times today. And tomorrow. And the next day. Until I feel motivated again.

In the mean time, I need to take a little time to do a detox. My midsummer detox will be from Thursday (tomorrow) thru Sunday evening.

Kim's Doable Detox (following various sources, mainly the Quantum Wellness Cleanse without all the unfermented soy):

• Clear diet of the following - alchol, caffeine, sugar, wheat, and dairy
• Consume lots of clean water, veggies, fruit, wheat free whole grains (brown rice, quinoa, millet, steel-cut oats), and clean sources of protein - all of this will be organic
• Some supplements
• Physically - dry brush, steam/sauna, walking, yoga (restorative and meditative), meditation

Want to participate? If you're in the neighborhood, perhaps we can do a yoga class or go for a walk together or even share a meal. If you're long distance, maybe we can offer each other encouragement through email or chat.

Slow Down, You Move too Fast...

...got to make this moment last...

Often, I think, we somehow get the notion that we have to lose weight and we have to lose it fast. We crunch the numbers and set impossible goals...like, "I want to lose 30 pounds in a month".

I think that we get to a point where we are upset with where we are, on the scale, and a feeling of desperation sets in...then we grasp at anything that will provide some relief.

I see this time and again on the weight loss blogs that I read. People resorting to stupid weight loss gimmicks and "quick fixes"...like the HCG diet, the Medifast diet, etc., all to lose 25 or 30 pounds so that they can then get the lapband or gastric bypass surgery.

I read this stuff and think, "slow down, man...slow down." They put all this energy into trying to lose weight fast enough to get surgery to lose weight even faster...and I think, why not channel that energy into simply eating clean and being active?

Because really, that's what usually leads to optimal health...and is what real beauty is all about.

Slowing down has been key for me...it keeps me consistent. Yeah, I have times where I "fall off the wagon"...for example, these last two weeks have been a bear for me. We have experienced death in the family and, subsequently, I picked up a sinus infection somehow...I haven't exercised in about 10 days. But, rather than let this snowball into months of reclining on the sofa, I'm going to start back today (with a yoga class tonight and a nice walk through the neighborhood this weekend).

While I have indulged in a few not so healthy foods (re: highly processed!), I haven't completely given up on my healthy eating plan.

There's simply no need to panic and become reactionary. This is a process. I accept and love myself right where I am in this moment. I can extend the same compassion I feel for others to myself. I see that I'm starting to feel better and while I don't feel like I need to go on a 5 mile walk, I can get back to my yoga practice and walks in a gentle way. I am on my way to health!

Craving

I am trying to sit with a craving today.

It is so hard. I keep wanting to go eat a whole bag of chips with some french onion dip.

I am not hungry. I don't think that I'm thirsty. Though maybe I should drink a big glass of water just to be sure that what I'm feeling isn't thirst.

So sitting with the craving...

And drinking some water.

If it doesn't go away after the water, then I'm going for a walk.

Okay...edited to add: It's about an hour and a half later and I feel much better. I ended up drinking two glasses of water. As I was drinking the first glass I realized that I had a bit of a headache. It went away on my second glass.

I am actually proud of myself for sitting with this craving and not automatically just thinking, "Nothing is going to change. I'm going to give in to this craving and eat now...just this once. I'll be better tomorrow."

Instead, I flipped the script...and I said, "I'm going to sit with this uncomfortable feeling. What can I learn here?" I made a mini plan to drink water. Then, if that didn't work, I was going to go for a walk as a distraction (even if today is my rest day).

I'm so glad I am sitting here typing this instead of numbing out with a bag of chips!

Costa Rica, Yoga, 3-Day Weekend, and other random thoughts...

Wow...it feels like it's been a long time since I last posted. Wanted to catch up...

So I got back from Costa Rica on Monday night, just about midnight. Drove up the street in complete darkness. A storm had rolled through College Hill, leaving 100k people without power and a huge old tree downed on my street. I had to park at the top of the street and make my way down to my house. It was nerve wracking because I couldn't see anything and was worried about running into or stepping on a downed powerline. Fortunately, I had the little Four Seasons flashlight in my purse and was able to use it to light the way.

Costa Rica was fantastic. I love planning events like that. It was a lot of work but the Four Seasons staff makes it hard to screw it up. Though there were a couple of tiny hiccups, the event was close to flawless and, I think, everyone had a blast. That place is beautiful and I thought, many times, how I would love to take my partner (and my family!).

While I was in Costa Rica, I was able to take a couple of yoga classes. They were really good classes and made me more certain that I want to find a vinyasa flow class that is right for me.

On the subject of yoga...I finally hooked up with Yoga Tiffany again! At least, I set an appointment so I'll be seeing her on Sunday. I love yin yoga and Tiffany is such a great teacher. If you live in the Cincinnati area and would like a private yoga session, you should contact her. She's fantastic and so wonderful about working with you and your specific needs.

I am looking forward to this 3 day weekend. I am going to use it as an opportunity to reconnect with my health goals and my motivation. I have been progressing oh so slowly and have probably (with respect to the numbers on the scale) gone backwards a little. But all is good. I am growing more into my healthy lifestyle with each passing day. My commitment to reaching my goal of optimal health grows stronger...


Oh there's this one thing that I want to try for a month...started this week...it's dance as release. I'm not talking disco or bumpin' at da club...I mean dance of the Gabrielle Roth, Sweat Your Prayers type. If you haven't tried this before I would urge you to give it a shot. Just google her and read up about it...if it's something that peaks your curiosity, then give it a try and let me know what you think!

Hoping you have a wonderful, blessed, and peaceful weekend...

Namaste Yoga Weekend with Crystal

I can't believe I was anxious about going. That unrelenting anxiety is why I need to go to more yoga retreats. By Sunday afternoon I was as relaxed and peaceful as I could get or had been in a very long time.

Hope Springs is a peaceful oasis just a short drive from Cincinnati. The space was perfect for this retreat. I stayed in a room in the Studio...shared with 2 other ladies (there were 4 sleeping rooms and 4 bathrooms in the Studio). The farmhouse held the other attendees...there were 22 of us all totaled. And, surprisingly, there were 2 men in attendance. I guess I've gone to so many woman-only retreats that I just assumed this one would be too. It was a refreshing change...and both men were wonderful...peaceful, respectful...honestly, I didn't feel as if they were anything but a great addition to the group.

We spent time at the Spirit House in meditation as a group...but I also spent time there alone...often in meditation or journaling. I consider it a sacred place though it was just as welcoming of the women who wanted to sit and chat and laugh!

And there was a labyrinth...since we had a break in the rain for a few hours, we were able to walk the labyrinth as a moving meditation. It was beautiful...lush with little flowers...and quite magical.


The menu was very good...clean, often local and organic...I ate vegetarian, but there was a chicken option at one of the lunches. We ate a lot, it seemed. Breakfast at 8am, lunch at noon, and dinner at 6pm. I don't really like my meals spaced that way...I'd prefer to eat lunch between 1-2pm...I'm a little hungrier then and not starving by the time dinner rolls around. 

The yoga was fantastic. I really enjoyed Crystal's yoga sequences. I liked the music and I liked the mixture of static and slow flow. I especially loved the Saturday afternoon class. Crystal was well prepared and offered classes that were challenging to me but also rejuvenating and restorative. I was a little worried about being able to physically do 5 classes in 2 and a half days. But, I don't know what I was worried about...I loved it and really want to figure out a way to do yoga daily (in addition to my cardio workouts).

There was also massage! On Saturday, there were massages after lunch and into the evening...this gave us plenty of time to sit around and talk or, in my case, read. I sat on the porch and read for awhile or went over to the Spirit House to meditate. It was a rainy weekend...perfect weather for such a retreat. My massage was fine, if a little too hard and hurried. The room was a bit chilly too but, you know, as a massage therapist, I'm probably a tough critic. Looking forward to the massage I have scheduled for Friday (at the Four Seasons!).

All in all, I had a really good time. It was the perfect birthday present from Cathy! I am going to have to schedule another one of these for the end of the summer.

Hey, if you want to see more pix from this trip go here.

My Yoga Retreat

Cathy got me an early birthday present (thank you, Honey!)...a yoga retreat! I'm so excited...it begins on Friday and goes through Sunday.

I'm heading out early on Friday because I have another dermatology appointment but when it's over, I'll head down to Hope Springs. The retreat is full...and that's great because it sounds like an amazing weekend. My intention for the weekend is to reclaim my yoga practice...I want to feel good about yoga all the time...I want to find my own daily practice, my go-to practice that I can jump into right out of bed.

This is the schedule:

Friday

• Registration & Free Time
• Orientation - Farmhouse
• Supper - Farmhouse
• Circle Time – Spirit House
• Yoga – Studio

Saturday

• Breakfast – Farmhouse
• Meditation & Pranayama – Spirit House
• Labyrinth – Spirit House/Meadow
• Yoga – Studio
• Lunch – Farmhouse
• Massages & Free Time
• Supper – Farmhouse
• Yoga – Studio
• Campfire

Sunday

• Breakfast – Farmhouse
• Meditation & Pranayama – Spirit House
• Labyrinth –Spirit House/Meadow
• Yoga – Studio
• Lunch –Farmhouse
• Yoga – Studio
• Depart

Sounds fun to me! Though I have to say, I'm feeling just a tad intimidated. (Not about my body!!! Fat women can do yoga!) I have been practicing, on and off, for more than a year. And I'm getting better at it. My stomach and breasts don't get in the way as much as I used to feel they did. (Sorry, it's true! Lots of women of size feel that yoga is hard because our bodies can make it hard to settle into a pose.)

But I tend to still get really pissy about 1/3 into most classes...usually because I am frustrated with myself for not being able to get into a pose or for not being able to breathe right. So I know that the retreat is full and I am thinking that all the attendees will be these long, lithe, perfect yoga bodies...and there I will be, a bumbling beginner (still!) who can barely touch her toes (why are my hamstrings SO freaking tight?????????? I was so limber when I was a kid!).



first attempt



I'm going to skip over to Curvaceous Woman Yoga and read some of Lisa's blogs to inspire me and get my courage up! :D

In the meantime, I was inspired by Tara Costa and decided to make my own mantra bracelet...I love it and want to make a couple others! This first one, I was just trying to figure out how to make it. For the second one, I will use an actual mantra. :D

After the retreat, I'm back home for a couple of days before I have to go on the road for work. Will try to post photos and my impressions of the retreat when I get back.

The day I walked 13.1 miles...

I woke up Sunday morning around 4:30. Got up and made some coffee...got my running clothes out of the washing machine and tossed them into the dryer and went about getting ready to go. The race was set to start at 6:30. Around 5:15 I was looking online at where I should park when I noticed, for the first time, that the lots close to the start line closed at 5:30. I scrambled to leave.

Of course there was a lot of traffic...I'd forgotten about that. But I actually found a pretty good parking spot and got down to the start around 6:05. By then it was raining pretty steadily. The crowd was huge and slow moving. I tried to make my way to my starting corral or pig pen but it was very slow going and my pig pen was the very last one.

We all stood there, in the pouring rain, waiting for the count down. Honestly, being so far back I couldn't even hear the gun go off. I just started moving when everyone else did. Even though I wore a poncho, the rain trickled down my back and my shoes were soaked by the time I crossed the starting line. It was still fairly slow moving because the crowd was so dense, but I managed to weave through and pick up my pace.

At about a mile into it, I took off my poncho and tossed it aside. The rain was a drizzle at that point and I didn't really care about it any longer. I was already in my zone...there was no doubt that I was going to go through with this. I wasn't going to stop, I was just going to keep picking them up and putting them down until I reached the finish line.

There were, I think, 7 hills total on the course. Several were on the bridges we crossed during miles 1-5. But those miles went by fairly fast, for me. I like that part of the race. The crowd was up and cheering us on.

Miles 6-10...not good. The problem was, I didn't have time to eat breakfast (I had half a cup of coffee!). I felt out of energy just as I hit the big elevation rise at mile 6...straight uphill until mile 10. I'd brought one GU packet and ate it at the bottom of the hill. Wish I'd brought 2 packets.

At mile 10, I poured it on to make up some time...but when I hit my last mile, I also hit my wall. I could not make myself go any faster and, in fact, I know I slowed down quite a bit. The spectators were plentiful on that last mile but weirdly quiet. There weren't a lot of runners at that point so maybe they just thought that all the walkers were no big deal. It was kind of a let down when I could have really used some energy...but I turned up my iPod and focused on the finish line and tried to get there as soon as I could. I knew I was going to finish faster than I had predicted so that made me happy!

One thing this race gave me...the sense that I can do anything I set my mind to.

Number of Finishers: 1,261


Number of Females: 1,069

Number of Males: 192

Average Time: 3:31:49


Kim Davis


bib number: 11996

age: 46

gender: F

location: Cincinnati, OH

overall place: 9596 out of 1261

division place: 566 out of 710

gender place: 5785 out of 6862

time: 3:22:19

pace: 15:27

6.8mi: 1:42:39

Flying Pig Weekend!

The Flying Pig Poster

I picked up my race packet today. Got lots of FP swag! Took a few pix...next year, it would be fantastic if someone would do this with me!

Part of the racer packet is a Flying Pig poster. I have 4 of them! Was just thinking, maybe I should frame them and hang them up in my home gym...that could be pretty inspiring!

The Pig is kind of awesome because you get some cool swag - the technical shirt, a backpack and a poster. I bought the shoe jewelry, the GU, the teeny tiny Glide, a vintage FP technical shirt, and the little, tiny runner's pouch.

Flying Pig SWAG (stuff we always get!)

The runner's belt: It's like a super tiny fanny pack...just big enough to carry my keys, my phone, and a packet of GU. It's the thing that says 13.1 on it.

Just walking through the Expo I picked up a reusable Rumpke bag (this is going to be a GREEN run - I'll follow up with statistics when I get them) and the magazine.

Shoe bling! Too cute and super cheap...how could I not?

My bibb! I'm in pig pen E!!  :D

So I am a bit nervous because I wish I'd trained harder. I am hoping that the weather cooperates...though I  think I should be fine if it rains. I'm not wearing cotton. I will be wearing a hat and carrying a disposable poncho.

The only BLING that I really care about is the piece they give you when you cross the finish line...the medal. ;>

Can't hardly wait...

I was in savasana last night...at the end of my home practice, when the thought came to me, "I'm so tired of telling myself 'I can't'."

I guess I was thinking about some of the poses that I want to do but can't quite get there (backbends...I used to do them so effortlessly when I was a kid). And then I thought about how often I say to myself, "I can't do that because..."

I woke up this late this morning. Too late to workout. As I was trying to decide if I could squeeze in a workout, I realized that I need a rest day. Then workout Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday but off again on Saturday because Sunday is The Flying Pig half!

My weekend retreat...

I had such a relaxing weekend...

I did my workouts...cardio on Saturday and Sunday. Also did some yoga...a longer session on Saturday than Sunday but both satisfying.

I ate healthy and drank lots of tea and water.

I got lots of rest...and, in general, had lots of quiet time.

I did not finish my mala...got started on it and then decided that the beading thread I had wasn't thick enough...so hoping to work on it this week.

So I have something to tell you, dear readers...

During the week of Cathy's birthday, on that Monday, I weighed in and wrote about hitting my 10% lost goal. By the following Monday (last Monday) when I went for my annual physical, I was shocked to see that I'd gained 10 pounds. 10!!!! So okay, I didn't exercise a lot that week and by Friday, I wasn't eating as clean or low calorie...I mean, I made fried chicken and mashed potatoes for the big birthday dinner, for crying out loud. And then had a hot dog and peanuts and nachos and beer at the Reds game. But still, 10 pounds???

It was eye-opening. My portions weren't that much bigger...it was, rather, the processed stuff (and probably alcohol that I drank) that blew me up like a balloon. I was so full after that weekend. So bloated!

By yesterday, after a week of clean eating and a little exercise, I'd taken off 7 of the 10 'pounds'...

It's weird too because most of the weight loss blogs that I read and some of my friends have recently experienced a similar loss of motivation/momentum. This was one of the reasons that I wanted to have a Renew You weekend.

I'm going to plan another one for late summer, wonder if anyone would be interested in joining me?

Resources for your retreat...

I posted these videos on my What's Eating You facebook page but also wanted to post them here.

One key component of the retreat is yoga. I have been practicing yoga, on and off for the past few years and, I must say, it's a fantastic, healing form of moving meditation that can open your mind to whole new worlds. Change your mind to change your life, indeed!

Today's recommendations - Tools for transformation:

Sarah Powers Insight Yoga DVD. Or you can find her on Yoga Journal and YouTube.

Another resource for today's agenda - How to Make Your Own Mala - check out this series of videos from YouTube:

Vegetarian Menu for today - Just for today, try to make everything you eat a conscious choice - make it organic and local, if you can - make it cruelty free if at all possible. Be grateful for the food that nourishes you. Make it delicious...

• Breakfast - a fruit salad and Ezekiel Cinnamon Raisin toast with a tablespoon organic nut butter. Earl Grey tea...
• Lunch - watermelon, beet, balsamic salad with roasted root veggies (will post detailed recipe later!)
• Dinner - homemade veggie/black bean chili

Hope you are having a peaceful day...one more thought for today...have you seen the trailer for this movie, Yogawoman...

Retreat Agenda

Is that weird? Retreat Agenda? Should you really have an agenda on a retreat?

I don't know...maybe I'm doing it wrong but I want to have a plan of what I want to do this weekend so that I follow through...otherwise this weekend could easily deteriorate to lying around, watching bad tv and grazing. I want this weekend to be about Renewing myself...to refill the well...to feel good about myself and my journey to optimal health.

So, that said...here's what I plan to do:

Friday:

• Vegetarian Menu for breakfast, lunch, dinner
• Cardio (3 mile walk)
• Steam, Sauna, Detox/Relax Bath
• Renew You Ritual (you can find the link on my What's Eating You blog)

Saturday:

• Vegetarian Menu for breakfast, lunch, dinner
• Cardio (6.5 mile walk)
• Steam & Sauna
• Sarah Powers Insight Yoga Sun Salutations practice and Guided Meditation
• Craft - Making a mala (108 beads, thread to string, needle, floss to make tassel or a special "buddha" bead)
• Reiki Share or Yoga Nidra
• Movies!!! Something really funny and uplifting!

Sunday:

• Vegetarian Menu for breakfast, lunch, dinner
• Cardio (3 mile walk)
• Steam & Sauna
• Sarah Powers Insight Yoga Vinyasa Flow practice and Guided Meditation
• Craft - Making a Recipe Box - What's Feeding You? (recipe box, note cards, markers/pen, old magazines, scissors, glue stick)
• Reiki Share or Yoga Nidra

The "Renew You" Weekend

Starting Friday, after work, through Sunday evening, I'm creating a "Renew You" weekend. This is the first of many retreats to come because I intend to grow a community of women who are focused on creating optimal health for themselves.

This weekend is, simply about renewing my commitment to myself. It is about starting over and beginning again. It's about ramping my motivation up to full power. It is about creating a lifestyle in which optimal health is the focus.

Recently, I read an article on the concept of "starting over." It's called Begin Again by Phillip Moffitt and it can be found in a special magazine by Yoga Journal, Yoga for Weight Loss (page 114). About starting over, Moffitt says, "Starting over practice is like this - you attend as best you can to the immediate situation that is challenging you, keeping yourself firmly rooted in the present. You shift your focus away from dwelling on those circumstances and characteristics that limit you and redirect it toward recognizing the strengths from which can realize your potential. You become a more effective person by simply learning to use your time and energy to do what you can do right now."

I will be incorporating the concept of starting over into my weekend of renewal.

On the agenda:

• How to begin a daily Yoga practice (asana, meditation and yoga nidra)
• Cardio (both fast walking through the beautiful neighborhood and zumba!)
• Restorative yoga classes (yin yoga and gentle vinyasa flow)
• A supportive detox (eating from a vegetarian and vegan menu), steam room and sauna (a modern sweat lodge, if you will), detoxing herbs/teas, and lots of peace and quiet
• A Renew You guided meditation

If you'd like to join me for any part of the weekend, let me know!

10%!!!

Hit the 10% lost mark today...that means, I've lost 20 pounds since January.

I feel so much better. I feel stronger and more energetic. And I feel lighter, emotionally.

Is my life perfect now? Hardly. Will it be when I lose the remaining 30 pounds? Doubtful. But I expect that I will feel even better! I expect to feel strong. I expect to go through a vinyasa flow class without thinking "Damnit! I hate this! I just want to lay on the floor!" I expect to sleep soundly at night and wake up with energy to get me through the day.

I am thrilled with the results of my effort. I know it's just a number on the scale. I know it's not an accurate measure of health. It's just a marker. But I don't care...for today I am going to celebrate this milestone! Goodbye 180s! Hello 170s...see you next week!

My 30 day probiotic trial...

has been a success! I couldn't be more thrilled and have bought another bottle of this amazing supplement.

I was fairly faithful...there may have been a day or two here and there when I skipped my morning regimen...but for the most part, I took them consistently.

Warning: This next bit is not for the squeemish.

Before I started taking probiotics, I had a major issue with having bowel movements. Now anyone who knows anything about the body knows that it is crucial to have at least one healthy movement a day. For me, it was maybe 2-3 times a week. No wonder I often felt heavy and sluggish. I was heavy and sluggish! It wasn't that I wasn't getting enough "roughage" (aka, fruits and veg) because, seriously, I eat a lot of fruit and veg.

So I bought another bottle of the stuff and am going to take it for another 30 days. Though I may adjust my intake to every other day.

By the way...like all my product reviews...this is completely my opinion based on my experience. I was not paid or given free product.

The Great HUGGING Experiment!

Yesterday, when I was out for my long walk, I listened to the two latest Jillian Michaels' podcasts. On one of them she had a guest speaker, endocriologist, Dr. Van Herle.

Dr. V talked about 7 things that will boost your energy. One of them was intimacy with your partner. Not necessarily, sex...even a hug has been proven to raise oxytocin levels. Oxytocin is also known as the love hormone and has been shown to reduce anxiety and increases energy, lessens depression, and helps to combate cardiovascular stressors.

Hearing this got me thinking that maybe a good long hug everyday might help me in more ways than one. Maybe this would be one thing in my day where I felt like I was just receiving unconditional love...something to fill that well.

So I decided to ask my partner to take part in an experiment. I asked her if, every morning, she would give me a 1 minute long hug.

Just thinking about asking for that was kind of scary for me...because asking for it would make me vulnerable...saying this is what I need to feel supported and loved...I don't know, maybe I felt a little stupid, a little less than for asking.

But, of course, I have an amazing, emotionally generous partner who immediately got it and was on board with the experiment. As soon as I asked for it, she got up, walked over to me and gave me good long hug.

So, I'll let you know how this 30 day experiment goes...stay tuned!

What would a mystic do?

In my last post, I touched on the issues of the last two weeks...thought it might be good to explore that a little more.

Ashling wondered if there was a correlation between my success at work and my feelings of not being good enough/feeling insecure. I would tend to agree. Am I the only one who does this?

So wait a minute, let me wrap my head around this...most of the time I feel very insecure at work. I think that I don't project that insecurity...I think I project an image of confidence and friendliness. But, for the most part, I usually feel like I haven't done enough or that I have a million things to do. Or I feel like someone's going to walk up and go, "You suck, get out."

And here's where it really gets weird. So even when 'work' praises me and, even, gives me a formal/tangible appreciation of the work I do (they gave me an "Employee Spotlight" award/certification at work the other day...company wide recognition for Q1) that somehow triggered me to sabotage myself.

The fuck?

You don't know how hard it has been to keep myself from falling completely off the wagon this week. Thank the gods that I didn't run up to Kroger and buy a coconut cake and eat it. Seriously. Cake feels decadent. Cake feels like 'fuck it! I'm fine being fat!" Cake feels like I'm treating myself kindly after a long day of feeling like I'm not good enough at work (which is about 4 out 5 days).

And, I've realized lately, the weight of that insecurity manifests physically in me. What a revelation! It weighs me down and makes me really tired, makes my joints ache, makes me want to come home, lay on the sofa and watch TV. It makes me cranky with the people I love and bitchy to people I don't like.

I didn't know how to get out of this. It's that same old circle that I've been spinning around in for years...forever. It seems.

Since I'm not a religious person but am spiritual (a mystic, if you will)...I decided to appeal to a higher power...to the Universe/God/Goddess/Divine and my higher self. But in a very practical manor. I started by drawing a bath.

I placed a candle, a small statue of a meditating woman, a stick of nag champa incense, and a small jade rock with the word "walk" carved into it, on the sink. I lit the candle and the incense while the bath filled up (to it, I added herbs of chamomile and lavendar, and about a cup of sea salt). As I dry brushed my body, I began with a chant, "I love my body."

When I sank into the hot, sweet smelling bath water, I changed my mantra to "let go"...to let go of negative emotions or perceived mistakes. Then I closed my eyes and just concentrated on my breath and the thought, "everything is okay."

When I got out of the tub, as I dried off, I chanted, "thank you." I held the rock in my hand and looked into the flame of the candle and visualized myself walking my way to health. I blew out the candle and carried the rock with me for the next several days.

The big picture is...for me...it's not about the fat or the number on the scale. It is about dealing with the baggage of my eating disordered thinking (see the paragraph about what cake means to me above!)...it's about finding place of peace rather than living in a constant state of feeling bad about myself...of feeling undeserving and physically worn down.

So I got back on the treadmill on Thursday. And then I did it again on Friday. And I'm about to go for a walk now. I feel like I've gotten a little further down my path...

5 Weeks to Flying Pig!

I don't know what happened after my last post. One day I was in my zone and the very next, I fell off the wagon. Actually, I was still on but just kind of hanging off the side. It's not like I ran out and bought a cake and ate the whole thing. I just stopped working out.

Though, last night I had a couple glasses of red wine and cheese and bread for dinner. It was moderate. I made conscious decisions to not make a huge plate of cheese and bread and olives and toasted macademia nuts (and some sliced dates)...

What's been my go to excuse for more than a week? I'm tired. I don't feel good. I had a long day at work. (All true but wouldn't I feel better after a workout? Almost always!).

So let me take some responsibility here...or accountability. I knew what I was doing...I was sabotaging myself. Why? Maybe I was feeling like I needed a little extra "love"...somehow, someway, I have been feeling super insecure and unworthy...which, I think, makes me want to be treated with love. At the risk of sounding like a selfish brat, what I mean is, that sometimes or during those high insecure times, I need to be petted and cooed at. I guess. Sometimes I feel like I spend most of my life making sure that everyone else is okay...is happy...not hurt, not needing. During those times, the well starts to run pretty dry, which means I need that kind of attention too.

So when I'm feeling insecure, I turn to my old ways of comforting myself...food, wine, crawling in a hole and pulling the blanket over me (aka: not moving/not exercising).

Does any of this make sense?

Honestly, I probably need to write more but it's 7:03am and if I don't get on the treadmill right now, I won't do it at all today. :)

What's been eating me, lately...

Just wanted to write a little catch up post. I feel like I haven't written anything here in weeks.

I am thrilled that Spring has finally arrived in Ohio...though as I type this the temperature outside is at 38 degrees. It was 74 yesterday...go figure. Maybe this will be the last cold blast.

As usual, I have been busy at work. Things are getting better. Remember how anxious I was last October/November? Remember how pissed off I was about having to move out of the office I had co-opted? Since then, I've gotten a few more big projects under my belt, and hopefully, gained a measure of respect from TPTB. At any rate, our "department" was moved to a different floor in the main building and, in the move, I was given an office...thanks to my boss! We were give two offices and one big room with 4 cubes...so she took one office, told me to take the other and we put our new hire in the big room. It's possible we'll be adding two more people to our department this year, so the other three cubes won't go un-used. It's pretty awesome to be part of this change...can you imagine, going from a one person department (me!) to 5? But even with the new person, believe it or not, I'm still crazy busy.

Home...Cathy had the kitchen painted. We cleared it out completely, then the painter came in and painted it (and the butler's pantry) a beautiful, 'barely there' sage. We put everything back with a couple of changes in pantry storage. I think it looks great. One thing I want to do this year...clean out the basement storage area. I started on it in January but need to get cracking! I still have a shit-ton of rubbermaid storage containers to go through. I also want to pull the futon out of the basement office and situate it in the gym area and turn that space in the office into a place for massage and energy work. I want to put my massage table down there so that it's ready to go. Cathy and I could do more bodywork on each other and it would be ready to go for massage (I still set up a few appointments now and then!) and energy work (Emily and I have started trading reiki treatments and it's something that I would like to do more of).

Family...I don't see my family as much as I would like to. I wanted to get down to Florida to see my Dad this spring but it hasn't worked out that way. I had my ticket booked but didn't get Cathy's...just couldn't find a direct flight...seriously, they were booked for March/April or were $500 round trip. So it looks like it might be August or Sept. before we can get there.

I haven't seen my brother in a long time and so rarely talk with him...it's a source of sadness for me but I don't really know what to do about that. I email him occasionally but he doesn't seem to really want to have a relationship with any of us.

My sister is dealing with a lot of demons/clowns and I worry that she's not winning (not Sheen winning!)...I wish that she could find some measure of peace but short of nagging her to find a hobby/meditate/do yoga...I don't know what else to do. It's really her journey...her path and her karma to live through.

My mother is still not at 100%...but is trying to get there. We want to get her to Cinci at some point this summer but am not sure her work schedule will allow it. I know mine won't allow me to go down to Memphis anytime soon. I wish she had a job where she could take a good 6 weeks...come up here and live and get a little temporary job and hang here for awhile.

I wish I would win the lottery.

Don't we all?

Oprah says that money doesn't buy happiness. I call bullshit on that. Rich people always try to tell us that.

I haven't lost much weight lately. My total since January is 16 pounds. I lost 10-11 of those by the end of January. So for the past 6 weeks, I've lost 5-6 pounds. Not awful, of course...averaging a little less than a pound a week...but this is the part that always derails me. I've had some success but the constant effort of not eating this or that and getting out of bed when I'm too tired to exercise...and seeing barely there results on the scale is just wearing me down. It's wearing down my motivation and resolve to reach my goal.

I think I need an injection of determination or something.

I wanted to come home last night and take a zumba class at the gym down the street. I got home about 10 mins before the class started. Not really enough time to make it over there. I ended up talking myself out of going. I gotta tell you...I am super nervous about taking a class like that. On the one hand, I think I would really like it, but on the other...I think the first few are going to be painful because (a) I don't know anyone and (b) I don't want to look like a fat/clutzy middle-aged woman and...well, I guess that's it. I just don't want to look stupid. Or feel stupid. It's a problem, I know. I need to just buck up and go...I know, after two or three classes, I will be fine but getting there seems insurmountable.

The Flying Pig is only about 5 weeks away. This week's long walk is a little over 6 miles. I need to plot my course. I am not giving up on the Pig...it's what is going to get me through this time of low motivation.

I feel like I haven't been quite as diligent as I could be with my food...like I'm consuming about 200-300 more calories a day than I should. And I know I need to be more into my workouts...instead of 4-5 workouts a week, I really need to be at 6 cardio workouts a week. I feel like I should be doing more yoga too. And more journaling...

I feel like I have so much to do all the time...so many things that I can't get to. And so much of the stuff that I put off is soul-filling for me...it's what gives me that joie de vivre...that oooomph of energy and determination that gets me there.

I need Spring...I need it now...I need sunny days, bill-less mailboxes and happy phone calls. I am that little seed that is trying so hard to push her head up through the soil and turn her face to the sun.

I think I'll get there...

52 Donuts - And the winner is...

Well, I had to pick a name because I reached (passed) 50 donuts today with my 5 mile walk...Rebecca said, "the ides of march" and Bobbi said, "the 23rd"...the 19th is smack in the middle. Felt like the fair thing to do was to flip a coin for it. Rebecca tails, Bobbi heads...and the winner is...tails, Rebecca!

Congratulations Rebecca! You win 3 Biggest Loser books. Email your shipping address and I'll send them to you next week!

Thanks for entering my first ever blog give-away! You three helped keep me motivated to reach 50 donuts! :)

P!nk

You are fuckin' perfect! Have you heard this song? I was driving to work the other day and finally heard the lyrics...whoa...wow...I've always liked P!nk a lot...now I really dig her.

Fuckin' Perfect by Pink

Made a wrong turn, once or twice


Dug my way out, blood and fire

Bad decisions, that's alright

Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood

Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down

Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated

Look, I'm still around


Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing

You're f*ckin' perfect to me!


You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong

Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead

So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!

Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game

It's enough! I've done all I can think of

Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same


Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing

You're f*ckin' perfect to me
 
The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear


The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer

So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time

Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere

They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair

Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time

Why do we do that? Why do I do that?


Why do I do that..?


Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect

Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel

Like you're nothing, you're f*cking perfect to me

You're perfect, you're perfect!

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel

Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect

Pretty please, if you ever feel like you're nothing

You are perfect to me....

Resource Reviews

I am always on the lookout for great resources. On the one hand, I hate to be supportive of the "Diet Industry"...on the other, there are some really great resources out there and I've been helped by more than a few. I wanted to share them here. In the interest of full disclosure, I recieve no free products or have never been approached to do paid reviews for any products/websites/etc.

(However, if BMW would like for me to write a whole post about how fantastic their cars are and how they can make any woman feel like celebrity by just driving down the street...I'm happy to oblige!)

Crazy Sexy Diet by Kris Carr, author of Crazy Sexy Cancer Survivor. Okay, I admit...I haven't bought this book and I have not read it. It looks great and I have read a few excerpts...I like Carr's voice and her attitude. I would buy this book but I read somewhere that she relies on soy for a lot of her recipes. She is also a big juicer. I am a fan of neither. :( I don't think that women should be eating a lot of soy. And I'd rather not drink my calories (in the form of juice)...I would rather have the fiber that comes with the whole food. Kris is vegan so this book is likely to appeal to a few! There was an excerpt of the book in this month's Natural Health if you'd like to check it out.

Jillian Michaels podcasts! Jillian Michaels is back...a year or more ago, Jillian had a radio show on KCFI every Sunday morning (for two years). I could download her podcasts onto my iPod and I used to listen to them on my walks around the neighborhood. When she stopped doing the radio show, her fans were devistated. Well, she got the message and brought it back...now it's just a podcast, I believe, but vintage Jillian! And guess what? Her podcasts are free! If you don't already have it, download iTunes (it's free) and then do a search at the iTunes store for Jillian Michaels podcasts...you'll find her.


Daily Challenge at Me You Health. This is a nifty little site. You can find all the support you need to make small changes in your life. And, essentially, this is what the whole site is all about. All of the small changes add up to a healthier you! I'm on...if you want to join me, shoot me an email and I'll send you an invite.


Walking/Running Shoes. If you are a walker or runner, proper shoes are a must. Seriously. You can really hurt yourself by not wearing the right shoes for your workout. Most towns have a special running store...you can go there and have them assess your foot/gait for free. You can do it yourself too. Just get a brown paper bag, lay it out flat outside of your shower/bathtub. Wet your feet and step onto the paper. Quickly, before it dries completely, take a photo or just look at your foot prints. You can assess them here. I have a normal arch...though I tend to pronate my right foot and supinate my left foot. You can also get a lot of information just by inspecting a pair or your well worn shoes. This Fitness Walking website is another good resource for figuring out what shoe is best for you.


Speaking of exercise...you may already know...I'm a huge fan of the Daily Mile website. This is such a great way to connect with folks who exercise in your area, find races/events in your area and track your workouts. If you want to join me there, just let me know and I'll send you an invite. The Daily Mile is FREE!

Hey, spring is coming! So excited to start moving some of my workouts outdoors! Hope you're having a great weekend!

New Day, New Dawn...

...new life, for me...

I feel like something has changed. I feel new, somehow. Like a switch was flipped and now, now I get it.

Why this 5k? I mean, it wasn't my first rodeo...I have done many 5ks in my life. But this one changed me. What was different? No ipod. No one at my side to talk to. It was just me and my breath. Just me, pickin' 'em up and puttin' 'em down.

Since January, it was all I could do to maintain a 15:00 min pace on the treadmill. I can look back on my training log (thank you Daily Mile!) and see exactly how many times I was able to maintain that pace...but, then, yesterday...the gun fired...took 34 seconds to cross the start line and...I automatically started going...full speed ahead. I was on my own within a minute of the race.

Conditions were perfect. My shoes, my clothes, my jacket and my hat...perfect for the weather. I'd gotten good sleep and I hadn't been on the treadmill for two days. Those first 5-10 minutes weren't easy...I could feel the pavement through my shins...my legs were all, "hey, what the?" but I just acknowledged the slight discomfort and kept moving.

Before I knew it, I was at the 1 mile marker and heard, "14:38" as I motored past...my heart lept! Awesome...if I could maintain this pace, I should make it in under 50 minutes. But, the next mile was all uphill.

Somehow, I ended up smack in the middle of two groups of runners/walkers. These groups had timers that would tell them to run, then walk, run, then walk...and I kept up with them because during the walking portion, they would slow way down. But it was good for me, I just kept on pace. Just kept thinking, "I gotta maintain this pace up this hill..."

Then I got to the top of the hill and practically had to hold myself back from breaking into a run...so I turned on the speed all the way down and got to mile marker two and heard, "28:20"...Whoo!

And then, I think, I just kept up that fast pace from the downhill and ended up putting in a great last mile (1.2).

Will this describe my weight loss journey?

I mean, getting to the race was a feat in itself...and perhaps that is how I think of the last 6 years...I was just trying to get to the race. I finally got there and started hard but, damned uncomfortable...and then I hit the uphill. I think that's where I am right now...just gotta maintain my pace.

First 5k of 2011 done!

Thank you, Jen, for encouraging me NOT to stay home and do the run on my treadmill...that little bit of rain didn't melt me. I'm so glad we did it!

I surprised myself by clocking a great time. 13:37 minute miles. That is so much better than I thought I could do. I love it when I surpass my own expectations. This was one of those turning point moments for me on this journey.

I registered for the Flying Pig half yesterday (as a walker). I'd love to be at a 13 min pace for it. Which would put me at about 3:21 mins...something to think about!

To goals!

"When You're A Jet, You're A Jet All The Way"

Yesterday I was in a funk. I was feeling stuck...stuck in that same old ef-ing rut that I always seem to fall into at the 10-12 pound mark.

I weighed in on Friday. Down 3 pounds for month of February. Weighed in yesterday. Why? I guess I wanted to see if I'd lost another pound and instead saw that I was back up to having lost nothing for Feb. !!!

Oh I know...water weight...hormones...bleh.

Probably salt intake...I had Thai food for lunch on Saturday.

So when I saw that number on the scale, my mood plummeted. Maybe that's why working out was so difficult yesterday. I could barely make myself get through 2 miles. And I was "getting through it"...not as much effort as I should be putting in and definitely not enjoying myself.

This morning, though, I thought about February...

Let's look at it:

First week was in Orlando working my ass off at our big sales meeting...not great at eating right (though I wasn't awful - like I didn't resort to a lot of processed crap) and I worked out a couple of times.

Second week was in Costa Rica...actually did great with the food...everything whole and clean and fantastic...didn't go crazy drinking...didn't workout (unless you count the zip line or hiking).

Third week...ate perfectly during the week...worked out 6 days that week. Was very lax on Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

Fourth week...ate nearly perfect during the week...worked out 6 days that week. Was very lax on Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

So. Without being really hard on myself...without making a lot of excuses...but just observing here...perhaps, drinking wine, eating cheese and crackers, and sweets on the weekends is not what I should be doing. Perhaps, on weeks when I have a lot of stress or am traveling, I make sure that I'm working out and eating clean.

I can just hear Jillian Michaels, "Ya think?!"

Perhaps I really need to commit to this healthy lifestyle and not just do it part time. I mean, I know it's not a race...I don't have to lose weight at a fast clip. But, here's the thing...I can only lose so much if I am living half the week in EMO/Eating World. What is so frustrating is, seeing the numbers on the scale go up and down like a see-saw always, always knocks me off track...banished to the rut once again. And I know it...know it!...that I'm sliding into that place...depressed, frustrated, insecure, upset with myself...when I see those same numbers flashing up and down.

Ugh. I just can't go through that again. I can't.

I had a few days in February when I felt so fucking fantastic! It was a tantalizing glimpse at how being in great shape can make me feel. I deserve to feel like that most of the time, not just a couple of times a year. I want to be addicted to that feeling...not the feeling of eating cake (or cheese or whatever it is that I am eating when I'm emo/eating).

So I think that what is called for during March...commitment. I need to be committed to my healthy options everyday of the week.

Oh, already...EMO Girl is asking, "How about 1 day a week? Come on, one day a week you can have a glass of wine...how's one glass of wine going to derail you? You deserve to treat yourself blahblahblahblahblah..."

You know what I'm asking though? Just 30 days of committing fully to a lifestyle that makes me feel good. One where I have energy to burn...where working out feels good (to sweat, to breathe, to run!)...where eating clean is a treat over cake/cookies/candy.

So I'm gonna be a Jet all the way, man...all the way!

The First "What's Eating You?" Give Away!

Exciting stuff, right?! In an effort to get with the program...and do what all the cool blogs are doing. I decided to have a contest.

So, as you might know...I have a Donut Meter...right over there (points to the column on the right). As I write this post, I have "made" 36 donuts.

The contest? Predict the date (month and day) that I will reach 50 donuts. The person closest to the date, wins a grand prize.

Predictions must be posted in the comments section of this post by March 3rd (Thursday).

The grand prize? Three books from the Biggest Loser series!!! (I will mail to you).

Hope you'll play...lately, I need all the encouragement I can get to workout!

The 30 Day Yoga Challenge

My friend, Bobbi, started this 30 Day Yoga Challenge. It's a great idea and one of those, why didn't I think of that? moments. I tend to think of this blog as being only read by one or two people...so I end up not doing bloggy type things like holding challenges or doing give aways.

I should probably do more of that! (Stay tuned for a "give away" post)

So, anyway...I want to do this yoga challenge but really don't want to commit to doing an hour of yoga everyday. Why? Cause I'm trying to become a runner, yo! That's what all my races are about this year...and, ultimately, ending with the Danskin Triathalon.

However...you know I love yoga. I really became more consistent and practiced last year. After an abrupt change of direction on my spiritual path...whereupon I walked towards the East...towards the land of the blue-skinned gods and goddesses...where yoga began to hold some spiritual significance (but, I digress!)...

So I began practicing yoga and finding out what kind of yoga resonates with me most. Turns out, I love Yin Yoga...the resortative poses are so wonderful and engenders such peace and harmony.

I was going to this yoga place here in Cincinnati called World Peace Yoga...actually, let me back up...first I started working with a yogini, Tiffany. So sweet, so awesome...love her practice. Then I found the World Peace Yoga studio and started going multiple times each week...awesome! Then work took over.

With this yoga challenge, I can begin to reclaim my new found practice. I think, though, I will focus on daoist yoga. It's yin but with a flow...I think. I'll find out and I guess, that is the point. Now...finding free resources on this practice is not easy! Here's a yin yoga sequence from Yoga Journal.

I committed to doing at least 3 poses a day...that seems very do-able to me. I'll let you know how it goes!

What's Eating You?

I've gotten some questions lately...thought I'd answer them here.

Why "What's Eating You?"

I started this website for a couple of reasons...I wanted to foster community for women who feel stuck and are frustrated with their weight loss efforts. I wanted to create a space where women who are a lot like me could find support and encouragement to reach their health goals. And, I wanted to share my journey on this path.

I have been dieting since I was about 13 years old. For the most part, I've only ever struggled with 20-50 extra pounds. No, I do not have a degree in nutrition or phsy. ed. No, I am not a certified personal trainer or a health practitioner. I am not a doctor of any kind. All I have is experience on this path. I can only talk about the things I've done and the books I've read. Any advice I have to give on weight loss is based purely on my own experience. Do I know a lot about the human body? Sure but not nearly as much as a doctor, nurse, nutritionist, personal trainer, etc. Do I know a lot about food and nutrition? Absolutely...but again, I'm not a doctor, nurse, nutritionist, etc. All this to say, when it comes to anything I write here, your mileage may vary.

One thing I know for sure...our relationship with food is fucked up. If you are anything like me, then you are an "emotional eater" and you eat for so many reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with nutrition/health. Understanding this has taken me many years. And like so many people, I have spent thousands of dollars trying to fix my relationship with food.

Guess what? Not fixed yet. I'm not even sure this is possible. I am hopeful, though, to find a path that will help me get to where I want to be.

Above all, I guess, I've learned that our weight/health issues aren't about what we are eating, it's all about what is bothering us...this is why so many of us engage in emotinal eating behavior. This blog is my way of figuring out what is bugging me so much that I put myself last and abuse my body with food.

What's with the flying pig?

It's just a symbol of the Flying Pig Marathon here in Cincinnati. It has come to represent a lot of things for me. Every year, I set a goal to do the Flying Pig half marathon...I did it one year...walked it...ended up with plantar faciitis for a year afterwards. I plan to do it again this year...and, of course, want to do it without ending up hurting myself!

The pig is also a symbol for taking back all those names I called myself all my life ("you're such a fat pig!")...years ago, I became aware of how often we call ourselves names and say hurtful things to ourselves. I have tried to stop that kind of behavior...it's insidious though...one has to be vigilant.

Would you get the lapband?

No. Absolutely not. I mean, I have never been overweight enough to warrant lapband or gastric bypass surgery. So I can only speak from the perspective of someone who would like to lose a small amount of weight (for me, reaching optimal health isn't about losing weight - or not losing weight - it's about a lifestyle that works on many levels - body, soul, and spirit). But, no, I don't think that lapband, gastric bypass, liquid diets, starvation diets, etc...are really good for anyone with an emotional eating issue (though I'm sure there are exceptions, there always are!).

If you are considering it, I would urge you to try something less invasive first...like eating clean and getting on a doable/sustainable exercise program.

You don't have much to lose compared to me, so you must really think I'm a fat pig!?

No. First, let me be clear...the only one I have ever called a fat pig was myself. ;> But, second...I don't believe that just because someone is overweight that they are deserving of being called a degrogatory name (they'd have to be an jerk or mean before I'd do that!). I have loved many people of size...and I've known many people who are overweight that I would consider to be beautiful and/or sexy.

In fact, I fully believe that part of the problem for emotional eaters, is that we don't love ourselves enough. We don't believe in ourselves enough (I know that's corny!). And, for me, it gets really tricky because on my journey, I've assigned a number to know when I'll reach my goal (47 before 47). That said, reaching my goal is more than just about seeing that number on the scale...it's about being able to ride my bike, run up the stairs, and take an ashtanga class without feeling like I'm going to die.

It's about feeling sexy and beautiful. Let me be clear here...my goal weight is not going to leave me 'celebrity skinny'...my goal weight is a very healthy 150...for a 5'3" woman that is not eating-disordered thinking. And I'm not saying that feeling sexy and beautiful should be tied to a number on the scale...sexy is so complex...there's just no accounting for what turns anyone on...it rarely has to do with the number on the scale or the size jeans someone is wearing.

I feel that a lot of my symptoms...weight gain, depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, exhaustion...are due to my unhealthy lifestyle. For years and years I ate crap...poison...highly processed, chemical laden "foods" that, I believe, have contributed to these symptoms. Changing my diet and exercising to make my body strong doesn't mean that I don't love and accept my body at any size...it means, just the opposite...I do love myself and I believe that I deserve optimal health.

If I could stay the way I am right now...the same size jeans...and eat cake and drink wine...and feel energetic and happy and at peace...I would. But eating like that and not moving is not doing me any favors...in fact, it's killing me.

All this to say...I have compassion for myself at this weight and I have compassion for you at your weight.

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Okay, that's all the questions answered. I hope that I haven't offended anyone...but you ask and I will say what I think. Keep 'em coming, folks. As I said, I'm here to create community...this kind of give and take is what it's about.

Random thoughts on losing weight and being healthy...

Supplements

I have never been one to take a bunch of pills. I just don't think about it and, often, I feel a little naseous when I take more than one or two.

But I've read a lot about different supplements and though some would argue that they just give you very expensive pee...others say that that there are many supplements we would do good to take.

I have developed a short list of supplements that I am going to take for the next 30 days:

• Multi-vitamin
• Fish Oil
• Probiotic

The multi-vitamin is easy...hands down, I've read very good things about multi-vitamins. For me, it's important that the multi be one capsule/pill taken once a day. If it's something like, "take 3 of these twice a day", then I'm not going to do it. Like exercise, if it doesn't get done in the am, then I'm probably not going to get to it.

Fish oil...I just keep reading good stuff about fish oil. Number one, it's a way to moisturize the body from the inside out...so good stuff for joints and healthier hair, skin, and nails. But even better, fish oil contains omega 3s. Omega 3s are so good for us because they help prevent heart disease, reduce high blood pressure, reduce joint pain, and increase brain development and memory function.

Probiotics...so this is something that I've been researching and would like to take for a limited time. I have some digestive issues that, I believe, probiotics will help to normalize.

Working Out

I would like to add an arms workout to my regimen. I have always had good arms but in the past few years they have gotten a bit wobbly. So, it's probably a good idea to work my biceps, triceps, and deltoids.

I have also been pretty slack on doing yoga for the past few months. So I would like to get back to that. Ideally, a short 20-30 minute session at home in the evenings would be great. But, as you know, I struggle with doing anything other than chilling out in the evenings. However, it seems that I could really make an effort to do some yoga before bed. I like restorative yoga more than any other kind and it relaxes me deeply so maybe it would help my to sleep better.

Plateaus

I haven't lost that much this month...as far as I know (I haven't been jumping on the scale that often). I feel like my weight loss has stalled a bit. I wanted to lose 10 pounds this month but I will be happy if I lose 4 (a pound a week!). I have been working out and watching what I eat pretty well. I have been eating clean, for the most part...if anything I drank more this month than last.

One thing I do know...if I can get past this and up my game even more, then I know I will reach my goal. 47 before 47, baby! I can do it!

365 days later...

This time last year I was feeling so stressed out and depressed and alone. People who I thought were my friends were actually plotting against me (re: they damn sure weren't being my friends). I was dealing with a lot of work stress and my dog, Hero, of 16 years was coming to the end of her life. My mother was very sick and would end up having her second heart surgery in 2 years. I felt fat and sluggish. I felt like I was stuck in a rut that I could not get out of, no matter how hard I tried.  My path had narrowed and I had to walk through the dark for a good long while.

I've only just come out of that place...

I'm starting to feel better...though I miss the baby girl, still.

I still feel quite stressed with work but not as much as I did last year. The challenges are still there but I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am more grounded on my spiritual path...it is one in which I find delight and it supports me through the constant stress in my life.

I have found better friends.

I feel like I have finally walked out of the dark woods and am once again feeling the sun on my face.

Yay! The weekend!

I'm so happy for the weekend to be here. I am ready to focus on myself in a way that I don't get to during the week. During the week I can only focus on others for most of the day...frankly, it's exhausting. No wonder I'm tired all the time. The one time during my week day when it's all about me? My workouts! I'm beginning to love working out for that alone. No stupid emails or phone calls by rude/selfish/just plain moronic people who desperately can't figure out or negotiate social norms.

I don't know how I'm doing as far as the numbers go...I haven't weighed all week. Mainly because as soon as I get up, I put on my workout clothes...the scale is in the basement, so I don't really want to undress down there before I workout. I'll weigh in tomorrow to see where I am. But honestly none of that matters to me today because I'm feeling pretty good...I don't feel bloated...I feel like I have some good energy this morning...and I am feeling healthier than I was a couple of months ago. I am also feeling excited about the changes I've been making...I feel like I am setting a good example for those around me too. I like that some of the ladies I work with are investing in their own health and well-being!

This weekend, I am preparing the raised beds for early spring planting, and I'll be starting some seeds in an indoor greenhouse. I love making plans for growing our own veggies at this time of the year. I want to do a lot of canning this season so that I have some of the organic bounty next winter.

Okay..I know this was a pretty random, bloggy post...but just wanted to capture these thoughts today...

47 before 47

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind. My career stepped in and took over. If you know me at all, you know that I work long hours and have been working towards my company's big sales meeting since last October. The week finally arrived (first week of February).

I continued working out during the first part of the week...even though, I don't think, I had time to post results on Daily Mile. Then, about midweek, I hit my wall and just didn't have time to continue with my workouts. I was waking up at about 4am and going until 11pm/midnight every day. I did continue to eat in as healthy a manner as I could and to watch portion sizes.

As an aside, I received a lot of very good feedback on the event. All the key stakeholders (CEO, SVPs, VPs, etc.) told me that it was a very successful event and that I did a great job and that they were pleased with everything. So, that was a relief. From my perspective, it was far from perfect but on the whole, I think I did a good job with it.

I flew home from Orlando last Saturday, had a few hours to spend with my partner, repack and was back at CVG bright and early the next morning. I arrived in Costa Rica by noon on Sunday. While there, I was active constantly...

Costa Rica is one of the most beautiful places I've ever visited. Of course, staying at the Four Seasons made it all the more beautiful. The hotel was gorgeous and the property just amazing. The Four Seasons is an Audubon refuge...incredible wildlife everywhere. I walked on the beach, played golf, hiked through the dry forest (it's not a rainforest!), went swimming, did the zipline, and spent some time in the spa. I ate healthy and stayed active. (PS. This was a site planning visit...can't wait to go back in May!).

I did not gain any weight in the two weeks I was gone. In fact, I think I lost a couple of pounds. I returned from Costa Rica even more committed to my weight loss plan. I want to be in better shape to do all the activities I want to do.

One thing I did...the zip line...offered me a lot of insight about my ability to reach a goal. So, the thing is...we did a little team building activity in Orlando that involved a small zip line. So at the end of the Orlando event, my CEO says to me that he's interested in zip lining in Costa Rica. I took that to mean that I needed to check it out. When I arrived at the Four Seasons, I had the conceirge set up the canopy tour for me. I had a goal and was focused on it (do the zip line). I arrived at Witch's Rock and they suited me up with the full body harness (such an attractive look on the fat girl!) and I began the hike to the first platform.


View from the 1st Platform



That should have been my first clue that this wasn't going to be remotely like the zip line in Orlando. Witch's Rock has 11 lines that covers over 2 miles of canopy. The first zip line was 82 yards high and 135 yards long. I stood on the platform and looked out and the full force of what I was about to do hit me. Holy shit! To say I was suddenly scared would be an understatement. I thought, "Oh crap, what have I gotten myself into? I forgot that I have a slight fear of heights...am I up to this? Can I do this?"

Lucky for me, my guides didn't let me dwell on what I was about to do. One last review of the instructions (basically, hold on with this hand, let the other hand float around the cable, sit back, keep legs up) and GO!

"Whoooooooooo!"

I had a hard time braking...I needed more upper body strength. :) But I flew into platform 2 with a "Whooooo!"

Midway through I reached the longest and highest line...164 yards high and 492 yards long...ack! At this point, I just didn't dwell on the task before me...just kept looking up and controlling my breathing.

Finally reached the final cable and finished with exhilaration! Actually, I felt nauseous. I think it was the adreniline running through me. I drank water and let my heartbeat slow. During the ride back to the base, I laughed and talked with my guides. They'd taken pictures of me during the tour and were just wonderful. Young, healthy, and happy...I must admit, I was jealous of their ease on the lines and wondered if the experience would have been different if I had been in better shape.

When I got back home, on Thursday morning, I was exhausted. Two weeks of non-stop running and stress...I just had to work from home that day. I needed a break. I watched the last episode of Biggest Loser and one of the contestants said, "50 before 50," meaning, she wanted to lose 50 pounds before she turned 50 years old.

I thought about that and decided to make "47 before 47" would be a new mantra for me. Originally I wanted to lose 50 pounds before I turned 47...but 47 before 47 is perfect. I've already lost about 12 pounds...35 more to go before July 11th! That's 21 weeks...just a little over 1.6 pounds a week. So doable!

I know I can do this. Doing the zip line brought home to me how I can set a goal and how I can overcome many obstacles to achieve it. What stops me, and probably many others, from achieving my weight loss goals is fear. Fear of not being good enough and not being lovable and strong enough to do it. But, when have I ever let fear stop me from doing something I really wanted to do? I can think of many times in my life when I have faced my fears and just kept going because I had to or I needed to. I can do this...