How to fix a flat...

"When you get a flat tire, you don't get out and slash the other three tires, do you? NOOOO! You change the tire, then go on your way!
~Jillian Michaels

Soooo. ;>

Yes, I got a flat tire. I ran over something and from December 4th until now, I gained 5 pounds. Now, granted...I'm at my moontime. It's probably not 5 pounds of fat...surely there's a pound or so of "water" weight in there as well.

I am not freaking out about it. I'm just going on. Because, I really understand now that there are going to be times in my life when I'm going to have a slip. As the saying goes, "shit happens."

If I look on the surface, I can tell you that this month has been very stressful for me...moreso that usual. Heh. And it's been very busy...in every aspect. At work, it was our second busiest December ever (which is the busiest month of the year). And at home, of course, we were running around trying to get so much done before the Solstice and Christmas. And, in the end, I hit that wall of being tired. Exhausted.

If I look deeper, I see that I need to learn to "go with the flow" more often. I need to figure out how to stop swimming against the currents that are constantly moving against me.

I'm not really sure how to do that.

Maybe more meditation, more yoga? Maybe focusing on my priority list? But it seems that I often put myself first. Well, maybe...but when I look back at this last month, I see that I spent a lot of time doing things for other people. And quite often I didn't put my basic needs first (exercise and meditation/stress-relief).

So, New Year's Resolutions? Perhaps it would be to keep my basic needs at the top of my priority list. And if I can meet those needs, then maybe I need to take a look at my schedule and cut out something that I'm doing for others (particularly when I'm not getting anything out of it).

I hate to sound selfish. But isn't that what we're all afraid of? I mean, don't you think that often, women in this country, girls...are raised to the refrain of, "..don't be so selfish!" We are taught that we must always put the needs of others before our own. It's such a hard habit to break. Because we love the people in our lives and we want to make everything better for them...so we put ourselves last on our priority list because we want to feed our children and spouses what they want and we end up giving so much of ourselves that we have nothing to give ourselves. Even if we don't have kids. I can't tell you how many days I come home from work so freaking tired of taking care of everyone else...stroking their ego, trying to make them feel better about themselves or trying not to piss someone off or just trying to deal with exhausting personalities...that when I get home, I have nothing else to give. I'm so tried of giving my spouse what's left of me. Doesn't she deserve the best of me? Don't I?

So how do I change this flat tire? I guess it's about finding balance, I guess. I must stop driving over all the stuff that takes me off the road, off track.