The S Word...

"I see stupid people. They're everywhere. They don't know they're stupid."

Yesterday I was treated to a final act of passive-aggression by someone who no longer has any control over me. At least I hope that was the last of it. I never cease to be amazed at how entitled and just plain mean many people are.

A huge source of my stress over the past year has finally been removed. An obstacle that I've been trying to get around has finally been surmounted. And let me tell you, that was no easy feat. Roadblock after roadblock was thrown my way...and through it all I had to remain a professional...had to deal with difficult personalities...had to swallow my pride and just grin and bear it while losers with few people skills and abismal grammar tried to take me down a peg. Am I bitter? You bet. That experience is going to take some time for me to process but it is time to move on and make the best of the situation I currently find myself in.

More changes to come...what will be will be.

In the meantime, I am walking. I'm preparing for the Flying Pig. It's only 6 weeks away. 6.2 miles. It's a nice, long, moving meditation. Hopefully, I'll have nice weather for it.

And I am more motivated than ever. Over the past few days I've been searching high and low for my passport (it's quite possible that I'll need in the next few months) and, in doing so, I've come across a handful of photos of me in my 20s and 30s. I can't believe how much time I wasted then. I was so convinced that I was fat and unattractive. And now I look at those photos and I see a trim, healthy young woman with a zest for living and a love of fine things. She was bright and funny and joyful. I wonder where the joy went?

Somehow, I got caught up in doing things...constantly trying to get more and achieve more...be more. Isn't that what it always comes down to for people who are overweight? We feel that we aren't enough so we eat and eat and eat to fill that void.

And those stupid people? The ones who are behind the stress that I've been feeling for so long? I can see them now...for who and what they really are. For them it is about fear...fear that they are not enough...that someone won't like them...that someone will see right through them...will see how awkward and uncomfortable they really are...will see all the doubt that they carefully shove deep down everyday. I see that now and I can forgive the crap they dished out daily but it is a lesson I won't forget.

It has been said, "Everyone has the right to be stupid; some people just abuse the privilege."