Give me a break...

I was walking the other day...and listening to one of Jillian's podcasts...and she brought up the subject of forgiveness. She was talking about how every Biggest Loser contestants, when near the end of the season is presented with a cardboard life-sized before cut-out of themselves, talks about how much anger they have at themselves. That they say that that person is dead now and that they are a brand-new person and how they are so mad that they ever let themselves get in such horrible shape.

Jillian was saying how she wished that the contestants would understand that they are still the same person who happened to lose a lot of weight. And that they are still going to have to deal with issues as they move forward but that they should give themselves credit for changing their lives.

So all this got me thinking about myself...and how much I need to forgive myself for all the mean things I've done to myself...like not taking better care of myself. But also, I've been thinking about how I should give myself credit for all the good things I have done for myself...like quitting smoking and quitting my diet soda addiction. But for other things too...like going back to school and getting my degree...and for always thinking about how I can be a better person.

I think part of forgiving ourselves is about giving ourselves a break...I know that over the past 4 years, I've gained a lot of weight. But rather than get upset and berate myself for this, maybe I need to be gentle with myself about it. I went through a major life change...I moved from my hometown to another part of the country. I didn't just change jobs, I changed careers. I entered into a long term relationship. All of these things were good for me but all of them were also very very stressful. It's no wonder I ate high-fat foods. And getting into a desk job for the first time in my life...one where I literally sit on my ass all day long...that takes a toll. It's no wonder I gained weight and spiraled into low-grade depression and anxiety.

So I have been working on letting go of the anger and disappointment in myself. I am practicing being kinder to myself...