I had a revelation this week...stress hurts. I mean that it physically manifests as feeling tired/exhausted...sometimes I can barely keep my eyes open. I also tend to get headachy and my joints feel inflamed. It's no wonder I am quick to put off exercise and turn to self-medicating with comfort foods or a glass of wine after work.
I have always known that I had issues with anxiety and stress but never realized how symptoms manifested.
What to do? I guess it's just a matter of pushing through and continuing to eat healthy and get in my exercise. And can I just say, exercise, lately has been a confidence boost...when in other areas of my life I'm feeling A bit under-confident.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Self-compassion
"...self-transformation doesn't happen overnight..."
I read that in the Feb. 2011 issue of Yoga Journal. There's a really great article in this issue called Nuture the New You...I needed something like that about right now.
It starts out like this:
"Every resolution to change begins with a burst of hope. You feel great when you do yoga, so you vow to practice every day. Or maybe you realize that your afternoon coffee breaks drain your energy, so you pledge to cut back. When you make these promises, you feel light hearted, elated, perhaps even connected to your higher Self. You're ready to honor your longing for health and happiness. And deep down, you know you're up to the challenge.
But after the initial enthusiasm wears off and you hit your first setback (the tempting latte, the skipped yoga practice), your inner critic pipes up, "What's wrong with you? Why can't you make this simple change?" The voice gets louder and meaner, and soon self-doubt creeps in. Perhaps you try to rally by setting stricter goals, or maybe you decide the resolution isn't so important after all. Either way, your inspiration fades -- and poof! -- your old habits return."
That intro could have been written about me. That is exactly what happens with me.
I am so hard on myself. Things I would never say to a friend or loved one, I wouldn't hesitate to say to myself. And as this article asks...if we know that it doesn't help, then why do we do it?
The article says that we do it because we are mistaking the behavior we want to change for who we are rather than just a bad habit we want to ditch. Right there is my disconnect. So wait a minute...I want to stop being unhealthy...so I try to change this by starting new habits and trying to stay away from the old. It works out just fine for about 3-4weeks...sometimes longer...but sooner or later, I return to old habits. And then I get pissed and think, "things never change" and completely give up because I feel like a loser. But if I look at this habit (of being unhealthy) as a behavior that I'm trying to change...a series of behaviors that I'm trying to change...so that when I have a slip up, I can see that it's really okay if I keep going because it's a process and processes take time...so if I stick with it, the bad habit will wane and new habits will form.
Cultivating self-compassion seems to be another little guidepost on my quest to a healthier life. How to do it? From that same article (referenced above):
"An essential teaching on compassion appears in Yoga Sutra I.33. This sutra advises us to cultivate love for those who are happy, compassion for those who are suffering, joy for those who are virtuous, and equanimity for those who make mistakes."
So how will I cultivate self-compassion today? Tonight? By not freaking out just because I didn't work out today. By giving myself a break. It's Sunday...I ate healthy and exercised over the weekend. Everything is okay. I'm on the road to happy...
I read that in the Feb. 2011 issue of Yoga Journal. There's a really great article in this issue called Nuture the New You...I needed something like that about right now.
It starts out like this:
"Every resolution to change begins with a burst of hope. You feel great when you do yoga, so you vow to practice every day. Or maybe you realize that your afternoon coffee breaks drain your energy, so you pledge to cut back. When you make these promises, you feel light hearted, elated, perhaps even connected to your higher Self. You're ready to honor your longing for health and happiness. And deep down, you know you're up to the challenge.
But after the initial enthusiasm wears off and you hit your first setback (the tempting latte, the skipped yoga practice), your inner critic pipes up, "What's wrong with you? Why can't you make this simple change?" The voice gets louder and meaner, and soon self-doubt creeps in. Perhaps you try to rally by setting stricter goals, or maybe you decide the resolution isn't so important after all. Either way, your inspiration fades -- and poof! -- your old habits return."
That intro could have been written about me. That is exactly what happens with me.
I am so hard on myself. Things I would never say to a friend or loved one, I wouldn't hesitate to say to myself. And as this article asks...if we know that it doesn't help, then why do we do it?
The article says that we do it because we are mistaking the behavior we want to change for who we are rather than just a bad habit we want to ditch. Right there is my disconnect. So wait a minute...I want to stop being unhealthy...so I try to change this by starting new habits and trying to stay away from the old. It works out just fine for about 3-4weeks...sometimes longer...but sooner or later, I return to old habits. And then I get pissed and think, "things never change" and completely give up because I feel like a loser. But if I look at this habit (of being unhealthy) as a behavior that I'm trying to change...a series of behaviors that I'm trying to change...so that when I have a slip up, I can see that it's really okay if I keep going because it's a process and processes take time...so if I stick with it, the bad habit will wane and new habits will form.
"An essential teaching on compassion appears in Yoga Sutra I.33. This sutra advises us to cultivate love for those who are happy, compassion for those who are suffering, joy for those who are virtuous, and equanimity for those who make mistakes."
So how will I cultivate self-compassion today? Tonight? By not freaking out just because I didn't work out today. By giving myself a break. It's Sunday...I ate healthy and exercised over the weekend. Everything is okay. I'm on the road to happy...
Friday, January 21, 2011
C is for Cortisol
Sometimes I get myself so worked up...
Sometimes it takes being repeatedly hit by the 'clue x 4' before we really get it. My struggle with obesity is all about the stress in my life and how I handle it.
Anxiety has been stalking me throughout the past 20 years. I think, by now, I'm so used to the feeling of anxiety that it feels normal. It feels normal to have racing thoughts (monkey mind). It feels normal to need something to calm me down at the end of the day, whether that is wine or cheese or bread or some rich/sweet dessert. It feels normal to get up and scavange the refrigerator when I am worried that I won't be able to do something (complete a task/goal). It feels normal to dampen any rising anxiety by eating until I feel so bad about myself that I am distracted from the overwhelming anxiety that threatens to consume me. (Anxiety! It's EATING me!)
This explains so much...it explains why I am shaped the way I am. It explains the symptoms that I exhibit. And, it explains why the things I have done in the past few years haven't worked.
Cortisol is a steroid hormone. It's also known as the 'stress hormone'. Basically, when we are stressed our adrenal glands release cortisol. The cortisol floods our system and lingers long after the original stressor is gone. Now, understand, the body is supposed to do this but for many of us, our stress response is activated so often, that we end up stuck in a state of chronic stress.
Too much cortisol causes an inflammatory response throughout the body. And, if you google 'chronic inflammation symptoms', you will find out more than you ever wanted to know about how our bodies react to inflammation. Chronic inflammation is the culprit behind so many of my symptoms (asthma, dry eyes, swelling/bloat, joint pain, absent-mindedness, depression, high blood pressure and obesity - particularly, high amounts of belly fat).
Guess what reduces levels of cortisol? Yoga, exercise, meditation, AND eating the right foods. Of course!
But it's not just a matter of calories in/calories out...it is also about eating particular foods that actively reduce levels of cortisol. Dr. Andrew Weil has written about this for years. And you know what, y'all, I have read Dr. Weil's books for years...I've always liked him and what he has to say but, still, the connection...the WHY that I have been looking for all these years...never really jumped out at me. I just lumped myself into the "I'm an emotional eater" category and thought nothing more of it.
What I've been telling myself over these past 5 years is that I am just lazy and don't have enough will-power or determination to stick to my diet plan. I told myself that I just didn't have time and that I needed to concentrate on other things like my relationship or career. I told myself that gaining all this weight was just part of getting older.
On some level, though, I knew that there was a cortisol/stress connection and is why I have been getting into yoga and meditation over the past few years. I don't have it down as a matter of routine, yet...but now I know why it is so important for me to make yoga/meditation/daily exercise a habit.
In the past 3 weeks, I have lost 10 pounds. I am so pleased but more than that, I am feeling so much better for having lost the weight. I don't feel so bloated and I am sleeping so much better at night. I am having more energy during the day and I am not feeling as depressed and anxious.
I have made some simple modifications to my diet, which I think has helped a lot - not drinking coffee in the mornings during the week, not drinking wine in the evenings during the week, switching out sugar cravings for fruit (anytime I want to eat something sweet or sugary/desserty, I have opted for a piece of fruit), and making an effort to stay under 1479 calories a day has really made a big difference.
This time I have been paying attention to how I want to exercise each day. My goal is to get in some exercise 6 days a week with 1 off day. I have modified my workout on the treadmill to reflect this. On days when I am feeling tired and fighting it, I just walk at a little more than moderate pace (NOT strolling) for 30 mins. On days when I'm feeling great, I have pushed myself to go faster and longer.
I want to say that I am excited about what the future holds for my health...I want to say that I am excited at the prospect of a healthy, strong, slim me...but I don't want to be focused on that or let that idea distract me...it seems important for me, right now, to kind of stay in the moment...to focus on today...
So today, I am going to workout for a good long time...at a moderate pace but a nice long walk. Since it is Friday, I did have the luxury of a cup of coffee (1.5 tsp sugar and 1 tbsp. Coconut - nondairy, nonsoy - creamer...YUM!)...but will also have a clean breakfast, lunch and dinner. Tonight some restorative poses (legs up the wall!)...and that will be that.
Sometimes it takes being repeatedly hit by the 'clue x 4' before we really get it. My struggle with obesity is all about the stress in my life and how I handle it.
Anxiety has been stalking me throughout the past 20 years. I think, by now, I'm so used to the feeling of anxiety that it feels normal. It feels normal to have racing thoughts (monkey mind). It feels normal to need something to calm me down at the end of the day, whether that is wine or cheese or bread or some rich/sweet dessert. It feels normal to get up and scavange the refrigerator when I am worried that I won't be able to do something (complete a task/goal). It feels normal to dampen any rising anxiety by eating until I feel so bad about myself that I am distracted from the overwhelming anxiety that threatens to consume me. (Anxiety! It's EATING me!)
This explains so much...it explains why I am shaped the way I am. It explains the symptoms that I exhibit. And, it explains why the things I have done in the past few years haven't worked.
Cortisol is a steroid hormone. It's also known as the 'stress hormone'. Basically, when we are stressed our adrenal glands release cortisol. The cortisol floods our system and lingers long after the original stressor is gone. Now, understand, the body is supposed to do this but for many of us, our stress response is activated so often, that we end up stuck in a state of chronic stress.
Too much cortisol causes an inflammatory response throughout the body. And, if you google 'chronic inflammation symptoms', you will find out more than you ever wanted to know about how our bodies react to inflammation. Chronic inflammation is the culprit behind so many of my symptoms (asthma, dry eyes, swelling/bloat, joint pain, absent-mindedness, depression, high blood pressure and obesity - particularly, high amounts of belly fat).
Guess what reduces levels of cortisol? Yoga, exercise, meditation, AND eating the right foods. Of course!
But it's not just a matter of calories in/calories out...it is also about eating particular foods that actively reduce levels of cortisol. Dr. Andrew Weil has written about this for years. And you know what, y'all, I have read Dr. Weil's books for years...I've always liked him and what he has to say but, still, the connection...the WHY that I have been looking for all these years...never really jumped out at me. I just lumped myself into the "I'm an emotional eater" category and thought nothing more of it.
What I've been telling myself over these past 5 years is that I am just lazy and don't have enough will-power or determination to stick to my diet plan. I told myself that I just didn't have time and that I needed to concentrate on other things like my relationship or career. I told myself that gaining all this weight was just part of getting older.
On some level, though, I knew that there was a cortisol/stress connection and is why I have been getting into yoga and meditation over the past few years. I don't have it down as a matter of routine, yet...but now I know why it is so important for me to make yoga/meditation/daily exercise a habit.
In the past 3 weeks, I have lost 10 pounds. I am so pleased but more than that, I am feeling so much better for having lost the weight. I don't feel so bloated and I am sleeping so much better at night. I am having more energy during the day and I am not feeling as depressed and anxious.
I have made some simple modifications to my diet, which I think has helped a lot - not drinking coffee in the mornings during the week, not drinking wine in the evenings during the week, switching out sugar cravings for fruit (anytime I want to eat something sweet or sugary/desserty, I have opted for a piece of fruit), and making an effort to stay under 1479 calories a day has really made a big difference.
This time I have been paying attention to how I want to exercise each day. My goal is to get in some exercise 6 days a week with 1 off day. I have modified my workout on the treadmill to reflect this. On days when I am feeling tired and fighting it, I just walk at a little more than moderate pace (NOT strolling) for 30 mins. On days when I'm feeling great, I have pushed myself to go faster and longer.
I want to say that I am excited about what the future holds for my health...I want to say that I am excited at the prospect of a healthy, strong, slim me...but I don't want to be focused on that or let that idea distract me...it seems important for me, right now, to kind of stay in the moment...to focus on today...
So today, I am going to workout for a good long time...at a moderate pace but a nice long walk. Since it is Friday, I did have the luxury of a cup of coffee (1.5 tsp sugar and 1 tbsp. Coconut - nondairy, nonsoy - creamer...YUM!)...but will also have a clean breakfast, lunch and dinner. Tonight some restorative poses (legs up the wall!)...and that will be that.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
By the way...progress!
Just a quick note...a little progress report for you.
Lost 9.6 pounds since I renewed my health goals on December 28th.
Not going to make too much of this as that kind of intense focus on the numbers can trigger me to fail. For now I am happy that I am making progress. I didn't have to see the number on the scale to know that as I am feeling much better. I am sleeping better, feeling more energy, feeling more optimistic, my stomach feels better. I don't feel as bloated...(seriously, if you aren't in your peri-menopausal years yet...I'm just asking, why didn't anyone tell me about the horrible bloating that comes with pm?).
In the words of James Brown, "I feeeeeeeeeel nice, like sugar and spice!"
Lost 9.6 pounds since I renewed my health goals on December 28th.
Not going to make too much of this as that kind of intense focus on the numbers can trigger me to fail. For now I am happy that I am making progress. I didn't have to see the number on the scale to know that as I am feeling much better. I am sleeping better, feeling more energy, feeling more optimistic, my stomach feels better. I don't feel as bloated...(seriously, if you aren't in your peri-menopausal years yet...I'm just asking, why didn't anyone tell me about the horrible bloating that comes with pm?).
In the words of James Brown, "I feeeeeeeeeel nice, like sugar and spice!"
Monday, January 17, 2011
A is for Attitude
You know, I figured this out pretty early on in my life. When I was 18 I lived in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida and worked for a health club, The Bodyworks, as a trainer. I was taught how to use the machines and what they were for, etc. Then members signed up to have me walk them through a workout. Basically, I changed the weights and counted reps. I stood around in a leotard and tights all day. I figured out pretty quickly that when I was open, happy and friendly, people were open, happy and friendly to me. It didn't matter what I wore or how I looked (to a certain extent!), as much as it did matter how I felt.
Maintaining a positive attitude, I think, is absolutely crucial to staying on track. It is amazing to me how often I am not in a positive frame of mind...how often the depressed, tired, hopeless fat girl inside me has to speak her mind. It's not pretty y'all. Some of the stuff she says is mean.
So how to keep a positive frame of mind? Maybe not watching the news would be a first step. That stuff is depressing.
I could have a few pat responses whenever a gross/negative thought arises...sort of in the "I'll think about that tomorrow"/Scarlett O'hara vein.
I could get moving! Finishing a workout has been good because those positive feelings just rise and rise as I move closer to my goal.
Maintaining a positive attitude, I think, is absolutely crucial to staying on track. It is amazing to me how often I am not in a positive frame of mind...how often the depressed, tired, hopeless fat girl inside me has to speak her mind. It's not pretty y'all. Some of the stuff she says is mean.
So how to keep a positive frame of mind? Maybe not watching the news would be a first step. That stuff is depressing.
I could have a few pat responses whenever a gross/negative thought arises...sort of in the "I'll think about that tomorrow"/Scarlett O'hara vein.
I could get moving! Finishing a workout has been good because those positive feelings just rise and rise as I move closer to my goal.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
New Look & New Widgets
I was over on Dailymile and found out that they have another really cool widget, so I ganked it and ploppled it down on my blog, over there, to the right. --->>>
What a motivator! Yeah, weirdly enough, those kinds of apps/widgets are so motivating to me. As is, this blog. So I spruced things up a bit while I was making the necessary adjusts to the side panel.
So...off to workout! Back later with a new post...
What a motivator! Yeah, weirdly enough, those kinds of apps/widgets are so motivating to me. As is, this blog. So I spruced things up a bit while I was making the necessary adjusts to the side panel.
So...off to workout! Back later with a new post...
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Java Jive
Somewhere along the line I started drinking coffee and then couldn't seem to start my morning without a cup o' joe...hot, bitter/sweet, rich cream...so wonderful. But a year ago, I realized, at best, I'm drinking down 100 calories every morning. On a 1286 calorie diet, every calorie counts.
So I began to think about how to cut those calories. The truth is, I don't like black coffee...I like it with vanilla cream and real sugar (back in the day I used aspartame! ack!). Cutting down on the sugar and cream was a logical step...trying a different kind of creamer was another but really still kept me at 100 calories every morning.
Then I began reading good things about tea. Drinking a cup of tea in the morning is so much better for the body than coffee. So I tried green tea but, ugh...I just don't like the taste (or the smell) and it made me nauseous. Switched to another tea, then another and this morning, finally think I got it right...am settling on the Honeybush tea...for now. Delicious!
Tonight I was thinking that I'm kind of proud of myself on making this shift! I know it's a small step but I think it's a step in the right direction.
So I began to think about how to cut those calories. The truth is, I don't like black coffee...I like it with vanilla cream and real sugar (back in the day I used aspartame! ack!). Cutting down on the sugar and cream was a logical step...trying a different kind of creamer was another but really still kept me at 100 calories every morning.
Then I began reading good things about tea. Drinking a cup of tea in the morning is so much better for the body than coffee. So I tried green tea but, ugh...I just don't like the taste (or the smell) and it made me nauseous. Switched to another tea, then another and this morning, finally think I got it right...am settling on the Honeybush tea...for now. Delicious!
Tonight I was thinking that I'm kind of proud of myself on making this shift! I know it's a small step but I think it's a step in the right direction.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Back to Life, Back to Reality
There's no way around it and the only thing that is going to make it better is to jump right in.
What would today look like if it were perfect?
Get up and have a cup of yogi detox tea. Pack breakfast and lunch (organic oatmeal with organic raisins and pecans, 2 hard boiled egg whites - lunch is amish chicken that I crock-potted all day yesterday, half of a small baked potato, salad). Fill water bottle. Get to work by 8:30. Work all day and feel fairly caught up (hahahahah! I'm really reaching here...it will take me all week to achieve this!). Come home, make a healthy dinner, short/easy walk on treadmill, in bed by 10pm.
That seems doable right?
There are no birthday cakes, new years' eve champagne, christmas fudge - stuff that I can't seem to say no to and tends to disrail me every freaking time.
Maybe I need to plan a snack between lunch and dinner (larabar?).
Mundane post, yes...this is just me, drawing a line in the sand.
What would today look like if it were perfect?
Get up and have a cup of yogi detox tea. Pack breakfast and lunch (organic oatmeal with organic raisins and pecans, 2 hard boiled egg whites - lunch is amish chicken that I crock-potted all day yesterday, half of a small baked potato, salad). Fill water bottle. Get to work by 8:30. Work all day and feel fairly caught up (hahahahah! I'm really reaching here...it will take me all week to achieve this!). Come home, make a healthy dinner, short/easy walk on treadmill, in bed by 10pm.
That seems doable right?
There are no birthday cakes, new years' eve champagne, christmas fudge - stuff that I can't seem to say no to and tends to disrail me every freaking time.
Maybe I need to plan a snack between lunch and dinner (larabar?).
Mundane post, yes...this is just me, drawing a line in the sand.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Happy New Year!
As I said on Facebook, "Where are the jet packs and meal pills?" I have to agree with fellow blogger Ashling, "...2011 [does, indeed] sound so futuristic."
We don't have meal pills, we have diet pills. If they could make those little pills taste like a whole meal (re: Violet's demise, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory) I'll bet they'd make a fortune. Actually, they already are, Americans spend billions on the diet industry every year.
Alas, as we all know, there is no magic pill. For me, there is consistent action.
What I don't want to do is to fall into that kind of obsessive thinking that all the shows are pushing this morning (NEW YEAR! NEW YOU!).
The things I've been doing right lately:
We don't have meal pills, we have diet pills. If they could make those little pills taste like a whole meal (re: Violet's demise, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory) I'll bet they'd make a fortune. Actually, they already are, Americans spend billions on the diet industry every year.
Alas, as we all know, there is no magic pill. For me, there is consistent action.
What I don't want to do is to fall into that kind of obsessive thinking that all the shows are pushing this morning (NEW YEAR! NEW YOU!).
The things I've been doing right lately:
- Drinking more water
- Getting on the treadmill
- Taking my multi-vitamin daily
- Getting a lot of sleep
- Relaxing rather than stressing
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