What's been eating me, lately...

Just wanted to write a little catch up post. I feel like I haven't written anything here in weeks.

I am thrilled that Spring has finally arrived in Ohio...though as I type this the temperature outside is at 38 degrees. It was 74 yesterday...go figure. Maybe this will be the last cold blast.

As usual, I have been busy at work. Things are getting better. Remember how anxious I was last October/November? Remember how pissed off I was about having to move out of the office I had co-opted? Since then, I've gotten a few more big projects under my belt, and hopefully, gained a measure of respect from TPTB. At any rate, our "department" was moved to a different floor in the main building and, in the move, I was given an office...thanks to my boss! We were give two offices and one big room with 4 cubes...so she took one office, told me to take the other and we put our new hire in the big room. It's possible we'll be adding two more people to our department this year, so the other three cubes won't go un-used. It's pretty awesome to be part of this change...can you imagine, going from a one person department (me!) to 5? But even with the new person, believe it or not, I'm still crazy busy.

Home...Cathy had the kitchen painted. We cleared it out completely, then the painter came in and painted it (and the butler's pantry) a beautiful, 'barely there' sage. We put everything back with a couple of changes in pantry storage. I think it looks great. One thing I want to do this year...clean out the basement storage area. I started on it in January but need to get cracking! I still have a shit-ton of rubbermaid storage containers to go through. I also want to pull the futon out of the basement office and situate it in the gym area and turn that space in the office into a place for massage and energy work. I want to put my massage table down there so that it's ready to go. Cathy and I could do more bodywork on each other and it would be ready to go for massage (I still set up a few appointments now and then!) and energy work (Emily and I have started trading reiki treatments and it's something that I would like to do more of).

Family...I don't see my family as much as I would like to. I wanted to get down to Florida to see my Dad this spring but it hasn't worked out that way. I had my ticket booked but didn't get Cathy's...just couldn't find a direct flight...seriously, they were booked for March/April or were $500 round trip. So it looks like it might be August or Sept. before we can get there.

I haven't seen my brother in a long time and so rarely talk with him...it's a source of sadness for me but I don't really know what to do about that. I email him occasionally but he doesn't seem to really want to have a relationship with any of us.

My sister is dealing with a lot of demons/clowns and I worry that she's not winning (not Sheen winning!)...I wish that she could find some measure of peace but short of nagging her to find a hobby/meditate/do yoga...I don't know what else to do. It's really her journey...her path and her karma to live through.

My mother is still not at 100%...but is trying to get there. We want to get her to Cinci at some point this summer but am not sure her work schedule will allow it. I know mine won't allow me to go down to Memphis anytime soon. I wish she had a job where she could take a good 6 weeks...come up here and live and get a little temporary job and hang here for awhile.

I wish I would win the lottery.

Don't we all?

Oprah says that money doesn't buy happiness. I call bullshit on that. Rich people always try to tell us that.

I haven't lost much weight lately. My total since January is 16 pounds. I lost 10-11 of those by the end of January. So for the past 6 weeks, I've lost 5-6 pounds. Not awful, of course...averaging a little less than a pound a week...but this is the part that always derails me. I've had some success but the constant effort of not eating this or that and getting out of bed when I'm too tired to exercise...and seeing barely there results on the scale is just wearing me down. It's wearing down my motivation and resolve to reach my goal.

I think I need an injection of determination or something.

I wanted to come home last night and take a zumba class at the gym down the street. I got home about 10 mins before the class started. Not really enough time to make it over there. I ended up talking myself out of going. I gotta tell you...I am super nervous about taking a class like that. On the one hand, I think I would really like it, but on the other...I think the first few are going to be painful because (a) I don't know anyone and (b) I don't want to look like a fat/clutzy middle-aged woman and...well, I guess that's it. I just don't want to look stupid. Or feel stupid. It's a problem, I know. I need to just buck up and go...I know, after two or three classes, I will be fine but getting there seems insurmountable.

The Flying Pig is only about 5 weeks away. This week's long walk is a little over 6 miles. I need to plot my course. I am not giving up on the Pig...it's what is going to get me through this time of low motivation.

I feel like I haven't been quite as diligent as I could be with my food...like I'm consuming about 200-300 more calories a day than I should. And I know I need to be more into my workouts...instead of 4-5 workouts a week, I really need to be at 6 cardio workouts a week. I feel like I should be doing more yoga too. And more journaling...

I feel like I have so much to do all the time...so many things that I can't get to. And so much of the stuff that I put off is soul-filling for me...it's what gives me that joie de vivre...that oooomph of energy and determination that gets me there.

I need Spring...I need it now...I need sunny days, bill-less mailboxes and happy phone calls. I am that little seed that is trying so hard to push her head up through the soil and turn her face to the sun.

I think I'll get there...