I don't know what happened after my last post. One day I was in my zone and the very next, I fell off the wagon. Actually, I was still on but just kind of hanging off the side. It's not like I ran out and bought a cake and ate the whole thing. I just stopped working out.
Though, last night I had a couple glasses of red wine and cheese and bread for dinner. It was moderate. I made conscious decisions to not make a huge plate of cheese and bread and olives and toasted macademia nuts (and some sliced dates)...
What's been my go to excuse for more than a week? I'm tired. I don't feel good. I had a long day at work. (All true but wouldn't I feel better after a workout? Almost always!).
So let me take some responsibility here...or accountability. I knew what I was doing...I was sabotaging myself. Why? Maybe I was feeling like I needed a little extra "love"...somehow, someway, I have been feeling super insecure and unworthy...which, I think, makes me want to be treated with love. At the risk of sounding like a selfish brat, what I mean is, that sometimes or during those high insecure times, I need to be petted and cooed at. I guess. Sometimes I feel like I spend most of my life making sure that everyone else is okay...is happy...not hurt, not needing. During those times, the well starts to run pretty dry, which means I need that kind of attention too.
So when I'm feeling insecure, I turn to my old ways of comforting myself...food, wine, crawling in a hole and pulling the blanket over me (aka: not moving/not exercising).
Does any of this make sense?
Honestly, I probably need to write more but it's 7:03am and if I don't get on the treadmill right now, I won't do it at all today. :)
1 comment:
Wondering if there's some connection between this week's successes at work and the bumpy wagon ride....
You are worthy and deserving of success in EVERY part of your life. I know you 'know' that, so just work on FEELING it, too.
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