"What have you done, today, to make you feel proud?"
~Theme song by Heather Small
The Biggest Loser (TBL) starts again next week. I have not missed an episode of this show since it started a couple of years ago. Sad, but true. ;>
To be honest, though, I have to say that I can be fairly snarky when it come to the show. But I also find some motivation in it as well. I mean, yes, I'm fully aware that the contestants take off work for 3 months...leave their families...their lives...behind while they go to "the BL ranch" to work out and eat healthy and be motivated by being on TV and working with others who are in the same boat. So, really, who couldn't meet their weight loss goals in circumstances such as that??? (The contestants get on my nerves when they say, "If I can do it, anyone can do it!" because...shut up! You're at an adult fat camp....of course you can do it!)
But. I do watch it and do find some motivation in the show. I adore Jillian and I can usually pick up a new kind of exercise here and there. But what really motivates me is watching these contestants change right before my eyes. It makes what I'm trying to do more concrete.
What I'd like to do this season is to have my own little Biggest Loser Challenge. I'd like to set several goals to meet each week and set up challenges here that I will try here as well. There are 19 episodes scheduled and it might be interesting to see what I can do in 19 weeks.
I'm thinking that I could post a photo of myself each week (a la BL style...maybe not in a sports bra and biking shorts...but in my workout outfit...seriously, it's too freaking cold here to wear that little clothing!).
I'll post what I've lost at each weigh in every week with my goal being to lose 1-2 pounds a week. (Yeah, yeah, I know it's not BL weight loss but I want to set reasonable goals that I can actually attain...you know, since I can't actually set my burn to 5000 cals a day!).
I'll have a workout goal each week and try to match at least one of the challenges they do for each episode. So, for example, I am pretty sure that the first episode of this season will find our challengers walking 1 mile. So I'll measure out a mile in my neighborhood and try to run it. (I've been working out for a few months so I know I can walk it as I usually walk 3 miles at each workout...but I haven't run that far yet, so I'll make that my challenge). If they do an obstacle course, then I'll set up a challenge for myself like that...and so on.
I'll post a short recap of the episode each week along with my own results...so watch this space!
Want to join me? I don't have $250k to give away but I could give away a percentage of that...$25. Of course, then you'd have to send me your weight each week and send a photo of yourself as well. And, it would be an honor system...but since the prize would only be a fraction of TBL prize, I trust you. Besides that...the real prize will be losing 19-40 pounds and changing your life!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
How to fix a flat...
"When you get a flat tire, you don't get out and slash the other three tires, do you? NOOOO! You change the tire, then go on your way!
~Jillian Michaels
Soooo. ;>
Yes, I got a flat tire. I ran over something and from December 4th until now, I gained 5 pounds. Now, granted...I'm at my moontime. It's probably not 5 pounds of fat...surely there's a pound or so of "water" weight in there as well.
I am not freaking out about it. I'm just going on. Because, I really understand now that there are going to be times in my life when I'm going to have a slip. As the saying goes, "shit happens."
If I look on the surface, I can tell you that this month has been very stressful for me...moreso that usual. Heh. And it's been very busy...in every aspect. At work, it was our second busiest December ever (which is the busiest month of the year). And at home, of course, we were running around trying to get so much done before the Solstice and Christmas. And, in the end, I hit that wall of being tired. Exhausted.
If I look deeper, I see that I need to learn to "go with the flow" more often. I need to figure out how to stop swimming against the currents that are constantly moving against me.
I'm not really sure how to do that.
Maybe more meditation, more yoga? Maybe focusing on my priority list? But it seems that I often put myself first. Well, maybe...but when I look back at this last month, I see that I spent a lot of time doing things for other people. And quite often I didn't put my basic needs first (exercise and meditation/stress-relief).
So, New Year's Resolutions? Perhaps it would be to keep my basic needs at the top of my priority list. And if I can meet those needs, then maybe I need to take a look at my schedule and cut out something that I'm doing for others (particularly when I'm not getting anything out of it).
I hate to sound selfish. But isn't that what we're all afraid of? I mean, don't you think that often, women in this country, girls...are raised to the refrain of, "..don't be so selfish!" We are taught that we must always put the needs of others before our own. It's such a hard habit to break. Because we love the people in our lives and we want to make everything better for them...so we put ourselves last on our priority list because we want to feed our children and spouses what they want and we end up giving so much of ourselves that we have nothing to give ourselves. Even if we don't have kids. I can't tell you how many days I come home from work so freaking tired of taking care of everyone else...stroking their ego, trying to make them feel better about themselves or trying not to piss someone off or just trying to deal with exhausting personalities...that when I get home, I have nothing else to give. I'm so tried of giving my spouse what's left of me. Doesn't she deserve the best of me? Don't I?
So how do I change this flat tire? I guess it's about finding balance, I guess. I must stop driving over all the stuff that takes me off the road, off track.
~Jillian Michaels
Soooo. ;>
Yes, I got a flat tire. I ran over something and from December 4th until now, I gained 5 pounds. Now, granted...I'm at my moontime. It's probably not 5 pounds of fat...surely there's a pound or so of "water" weight in there as well.
I am not freaking out about it. I'm just going on. Because, I really understand now that there are going to be times in my life when I'm going to have a slip. As the saying goes, "shit happens."
If I look on the surface, I can tell you that this month has been very stressful for me...moreso that usual. Heh. And it's been very busy...in every aspect. At work, it was our second busiest December ever (which is the busiest month of the year). And at home, of course, we were running around trying to get so much done before the Solstice and Christmas. And, in the end, I hit that wall of being tired. Exhausted.
If I look deeper, I see that I need to learn to "go with the flow" more often. I need to figure out how to stop swimming against the currents that are constantly moving against me.
I'm not really sure how to do that.
Maybe more meditation, more yoga? Maybe focusing on my priority list? But it seems that I often put myself first. Well, maybe...but when I look back at this last month, I see that I spent a lot of time doing things for other people. And quite often I didn't put my basic needs first (exercise and meditation/stress-relief).
So, New Year's Resolutions? Perhaps it would be to keep my basic needs at the top of my priority list. And if I can meet those needs, then maybe I need to take a look at my schedule and cut out something that I'm doing for others (particularly when I'm not getting anything out of it).
I hate to sound selfish. But isn't that what we're all afraid of? I mean, don't you think that often, women in this country, girls...are raised to the refrain of, "..don't be so selfish!" We are taught that we must always put the needs of others before our own. It's such a hard habit to break. Because we love the people in our lives and we want to make everything better for them...so we put ourselves last on our priority list because we want to feed our children and spouses what they want and we end up giving so much of ourselves that we have nothing to give ourselves. Even if we don't have kids. I can't tell you how many days I come home from work so freaking tired of taking care of everyone else...stroking their ego, trying to make them feel better about themselves or trying not to piss someone off or just trying to deal with exhausting personalities...that when I get home, I have nothing else to give. I'm so tried of giving my spouse what's left of me. Doesn't she deserve the best of me? Don't I?
So how do I change this flat tire? I guess it's about finding balance, I guess. I must stop driving over all the stuff that takes me off the road, off track.
Monday, December 7, 2009
A new goal to achieve for New Year...
"So hold this feeling like a newborn
All the freedom surging through your veins
You have opened up a new door
So bring on the wind, fire and rain..."
~Missy Higgins, Steer
Having a short term goal is important and my new one is multifaceted. Goals, I think, help me to stay motivated and on track. When the times come where I want to say, "Screw this!" and blow off my plan for a week, it is helpful for me to think about what it is I'm trying to achieve. That actually may have more to do with long term goals but setting short term goals helps me to get there. But just to be clear...what are my long term goals? Let me give you a list:
-lose 65 pounds (yes, this has changed...originally it was 50)
-establish long term exercise plan (ideally, I'd like to run 3 miles in 35 mins 5x a week and practice yoga 5x a week)
-establish a healthy lifelong eating plan
-fit in a size 7 pair of True Religion jeans (my goal jeans!)
So my short term goal? 175lb at New Year. At my last weigh in (on Friday morning), I was at 181. That's 1.5 lbs a week. Doable, I'd say but considering I was loosing a pound a week for a while there, it is going to take a little more effort to hit 1.5 a week. Thus, the circuit workout.
I started doing circuit training this morning. We have a small home gym in the basement and it is perfect for the circuit training that Jillian Michaels suggests on her website. I've tried to incorporate it at the gym but they just aren't set up for that kind of workout there. At home, I have an elliptical that I can hop on for the aerobic portion of each circuit. And there's space right beside it for me to do the floor exercises/weight exercises of each circuit.
So why crank up the intensity? I would like to say because I am just feeling like now is the time. But there's probably more to it...
I have had a taste of success...losing a significant portion of weight...10% is no mean feat! By the way, I took two measurements this morning and I've lost 3 inches in both my waist and hips. So this taste of success is motivating to me. I want to get fitter! And I think upping the intensity is going to bring more success.
But I'm also starting the circuit training because it really makes me feel strong. And I want to start seeing some definition in my arms and legs. And I want to give my metabolism a boost. AND, when I work out in the mornings, it sets a positive intention for the day...I feel better. I haven't been getting to the gym in the mornings to treadmill, so I thought just getting up and going down to the basement gym is something that is completely doable. (And wouldn't you know it...I woke up to snow on the ground this morning...great incentive to stay home and not go outside).
The other piece of the workout...cardio, I will still do at the gym because guess what? I like the treadmill. I always have and have always been most successful at keeping a long term exercise plan when I've used the treadmill. So I'm still going to do that but will go in the evenings after work. My goal this week is to hit my 500 calorie burn through it (with the circuit as bonus calories burned).
And there's another piece to my workout puzzle...it's yoga. So yesterday I met with this lady, Tiffany, who is a yin yoga teacher. She came to the house to give me a personal yoga class. (Believe me! It was a really good deal because she's currently between yoga gigs after just having a baby!). I'd really like to see if she's interested in trading massage for a yoga class once a month but that's a whole other post! So the yoga class was really good. It's the kind of restorative yoga practice that I've been wanting to develop and reminds me of those days so long ago (I was about 12-13 years old) when I would stretch and luxuriate in my flexibility. So I am excited about having finally found a practice that resonates with me.
I'm not looking much beyond this short term goal. I will re-evaluate come January 1st. Getting through the holidays losing weight rather than gaining will be a true testament to my plan! But...just maybe I'll be fitting into those goal jeans by my 46th birthday...
All the freedom surging through your veins
You have opened up a new door
So bring on the wind, fire and rain..."
~Missy Higgins, Steer
Having a short term goal is important and my new one is multifaceted. Goals, I think, help me to stay motivated and on track. When the times come where I want to say, "Screw this!" and blow off my plan for a week, it is helpful for me to think about what it is I'm trying to achieve. That actually may have more to do with long term goals but setting short term goals helps me to get there. But just to be clear...what are my long term goals? Let me give you a list:
-lose 65 pounds (yes, this has changed...originally it was 50)
-establish long term exercise plan (ideally, I'd like to run 3 miles in 35 mins 5x a week and practice yoga 5x a week)
-establish a healthy lifelong eating plan
-fit in a size 7 pair of True Religion jeans (my goal jeans!)
So my short term goal? 175lb at New Year. At my last weigh in (on Friday morning), I was at 181. That's 1.5 lbs a week. Doable, I'd say but considering I was loosing a pound a week for a while there, it is going to take a little more effort to hit 1.5 a week. Thus, the circuit workout.
I started doing circuit training this morning. We have a small home gym in the basement and it is perfect for the circuit training that Jillian Michaels suggests on her website. I've tried to incorporate it at the gym but they just aren't set up for that kind of workout there. At home, I have an elliptical that I can hop on for the aerobic portion of each circuit. And there's space right beside it for me to do the floor exercises/weight exercises of each circuit.
So why crank up the intensity? I would like to say because I am just feeling like now is the time. But there's probably more to it...
I have had a taste of success...losing a significant portion of weight...10% is no mean feat! By the way, I took two measurements this morning and I've lost 3 inches in both my waist and hips. So this taste of success is motivating to me. I want to get fitter! And I think upping the intensity is going to bring more success.
But I'm also starting the circuit training because it really makes me feel strong. And I want to start seeing some definition in my arms and legs. And I want to give my metabolism a boost. AND, when I work out in the mornings, it sets a positive intention for the day...I feel better. I haven't been getting to the gym in the mornings to treadmill, so I thought just getting up and going down to the basement gym is something that is completely doable. (And wouldn't you know it...I woke up to snow on the ground this morning...great incentive to stay home and not go outside).
The other piece of the workout...cardio, I will still do at the gym because guess what? I like the treadmill. I always have and have always been most successful at keeping a long term exercise plan when I've used the treadmill. So I'm still going to do that but will go in the evenings after work. My goal this week is to hit my 500 calorie burn through it (with the circuit as bonus calories burned).
And there's another piece to my workout puzzle...it's yoga. So yesterday I met with this lady, Tiffany, who is a yin yoga teacher. She came to the house to give me a personal yoga class. (Believe me! It was a really good deal because she's currently between yoga gigs after just having a baby!). I'd really like to see if she's interested in trading massage for a yoga class once a month but that's a whole other post! So the yoga class was really good. It's the kind of restorative yoga practice that I've been wanting to develop and reminds me of those days so long ago (I was about 12-13 years old) when I would stretch and luxuriate in my flexibility. So I am excited about having finally found a practice that resonates with me.
I'm not looking much beyond this short term goal. I will re-evaluate come January 1st. Getting through the holidays losing weight rather than gaining will be a true testament to my plan! But...just maybe I'll be fitting into those goal jeans by my 46th birthday...
Friday, December 4, 2009
I'm On My Way, Can't Stop Me Now...
"I look into the window of my mind
Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind
I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same..."
~ "Proud" by Heather Small
I weighed today and I've lost another 2 pounds!
I am so happy about that. And I am proud of that. For the past two weeks, through the Thanksgiving holidays and the following rough moon-time week, I've lost a total of 4 pounds. I was careful to eat healthy and to stick with my exercise plan. And I'm so pleased that I was able to care for myself that way.
And I am finally seeing the results in my clothes. My favorite jeans are now a bit too big. Some shirts that were kind of too tight are now fitting much better! I'm very excited to start seeing my clothes fit better. As the pounds lost start to add up, I'm more and more confident that I can reach my goal of losing 50 pounds.
Currently, I haven't even lost half of that but I'm getting there. I am hoping to have lost 25 pounds by the New Year. As of today, I've lost 19 pounds. Nineteen pounds. That is incredible to me. After 3-4 years of yo-yo-ing with 7 pounds...I've finally broken through.
I'm really feeling like I've made a lasting change. I've had a spiritual awakening...I've begun to look at food differently. I think about cake...cake that I have craved so much through the years...and it kind of grosses me out now...now that I know what's in it. If I'm going to eat something that high in calories, I really want it to be good...not just a bunch of corn derivitives like high fructose corn syrup and other crap.
This weekend is my long work-outs weekend and I'm looking forward to it. I've started ending those long workouts with a meditation in the sauna and steam room at my gym...and that feels like a real treat to me. AND, this weekend, I'm taking my first Yin Yoga class. I'm hoping that it is the kind of yoga practice I've been looking for. I'm feeling like I want to do some slow, gentle, meditative yoga that focuses on restorative poses. I'm hoping Yin Yoga will give me that.
And...you are hearing it here first...I'm going to start my circuit training on Monday at my home gym. The gym I go to is just not set up for circuit training...I can do it more easily at home. So I'm going to set up the home gym this weekend to be ready for my circuit training (4x a week). I am thinking I will do it in the mornings and then go to the gym in the evenings to do my cardio. This regimen will really up my exercise intensity and increase my metabolism like crazy. I'm going to give it a shot for the next few weeks to see how it goes and will report back here on my progress.
Until then...if you are dieting along with me or have just been following along with my blog, drop me a note and let me know how you are doing or what you'd like to read about on this blog.
Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind
I step out of the ordinary
I can feel my soul ascending
I am on my way
Can't stop me now
And you can do the same..."
~ "Proud" by Heather Small
I weighed today and I've lost another 2 pounds!
I am so happy about that. And I am proud of that. For the past two weeks, through the Thanksgiving holidays and the following rough moon-time week, I've lost a total of 4 pounds. I was careful to eat healthy and to stick with my exercise plan. And I'm so pleased that I was able to care for myself that way.
And I am finally seeing the results in my clothes. My favorite jeans are now a bit too big. Some shirts that were kind of too tight are now fitting much better! I'm very excited to start seeing my clothes fit better. As the pounds lost start to add up, I'm more and more confident that I can reach my goal of losing 50 pounds.
Currently, I haven't even lost half of that but I'm getting there. I am hoping to have lost 25 pounds by the New Year. As of today, I've lost 19 pounds. Nineteen pounds. That is incredible to me. After 3-4 years of yo-yo-ing with 7 pounds...I've finally broken through.
I'm really feeling like I've made a lasting change. I've had a spiritual awakening...I've begun to look at food differently. I think about cake...cake that I have craved so much through the years...and it kind of grosses me out now...now that I know what's in it. If I'm going to eat something that high in calories, I really want it to be good...not just a bunch of corn derivitives like high fructose corn syrup and other crap.
This weekend is my long work-outs weekend and I'm looking forward to it. I've started ending those long workouts with a meditation in the sauna and steam room at my gym...and that feels like a real treat to me. AND, this weekend, I'm taking my first Yin Yoga class. I'm hoping that it is the kind of yoga practice I've been looking for. I'm feeling like I want to do some slow, gentle, meditative yoga that focuses on restorative poses. I'm hoping Yin Yoga will give me that.
And...you are hearing it here first...I'm going to start my circuit training on Monday at my home gym. The gym I go to is just not set up for circuit training...I can do it more easily at home. So I'm going to set up the home gym this weekend to be ready for my circuit training (4x a week). I am thinking I will do it in the mornings and then go to the gym in the evenings to do my cardio. This regimen will really up my exercise intensity and increase my metabolism like crazy. I'm going to give it a shot for the next few weeks to see how it goes and will report back here on my progress.
Until then...if you are dieting along with me or have just been following along with my blog, drop me a note and let me know how you are doing or what you'd like to read about on this blog.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Things Really Do Change...
"Things do not change; we change."
~Henry David Thoreau
Hah...so maybe I have really changed!
I think back to the things that I've changed in my life over the past few years: qutting drinking diet soda, quitting smoking, and quitting eating processed food.
These are things that have changed so much. I used to be so addicted to diet soda...all I drank was diet coke or diet dr. pepper. I'd drink 2 2liters a day. Can you imagine? And I LOVED it! I wonder how much money I spent on soda with a habit like that for almost 30 years? I quit drinking diet soda over 2 years ago. It has almost been 3 years. I can't believe it has been that long. I don't miss it at all. And the couple of times that I've tried to drink a soda it has tasted so horrible that it's actually kind of shocking. The taste of that fake sugar is so nasty. I can't believe that I ever loved the taste of that crap.
What do I drink now? Unsweetened organic iced tea, soda water (nothing in it but water!), filtered tap water, and wine (or the occasional beer). And miracle of miracles, I love water! Just plain, filtered cold water is fantastic.
Just a few words on quitting smoking...I can't believe I was ever a smoker. It's so gross...which I knew but didn't really appreciate how smelly it really is. I can smell a smoker or a lit cigarette so quickly now. I can't believe I ever let myself smell like an ashtray and god knows what I was doing to my lungs (well, I know because I developed asthma!).
Quitting processed foods though...now that is a whole new world for me. For so long, especially in my 20s, I ate so much fast food. And it's been almost my whole life that I ate tons of processed foods. In my 20s and 30s I practically lived on Lean Cuisines and Weight Watchers meals. Now just the thought of them grosses me out. I can't believe I made myself eat those little boxes of processed foods. Sooo much sodium and corn and corn derivatives and such tiny portions. Since I've started eating clean, whole foods, I feel so much better. And I feel cared for in a way that those little tv dinners never made me feel. When I ate those I felt deprived. I felt like I was on a diet. Yet, ironically, I didn't end up losing weight no matter how many of them I ate (I used to eat one every day for lunch!).
I have finally lost the taste for processed food. Like I used to eat peanut butter like Jiff or Skippy...and now it tastes like candy fluff...peanut-butter flavored fluff. I love real nut butters...nothing but ground nuts and a little salt...tastes like peanut butter, not candy.
This morning, I woke up late. I didn't have time to make my usual cup of organic coffee so I decided to stop at McDonald's for my caffeine fix...a large unsweetened iced tea (no styrofoam! at least I can recycle the plastic cup!) and as I pulled out of the drive thru I thought, "Wow...it's been a really long time since I stopped there in the morning." I thought about it for a minute...used to be a time when I would have McDonald's for breakfast every morning (bacon, egg and cheese biscuit with a side of hash browns and a large SWEET iced tea -- don't even get me started on this...suffice to say, read the first part of Omnivore's Dilemma to learn how all of that is just corn and corn derivatives...a high calorie/high fat/high fructose corn syrup meal!). Now I have zero desire to eat something like that. Not saying that I would NEVER eat a McD's meal again...but the craving for that kind of food is gone.
This transformation...these changes...are nothing short of magic that I have worked in this past year!
~Henry David Thoreau
Hah...so maybe I have really changed!
I think back to the things that I've changed in my life over the past few years: qutting drinking diet soda, quitting smoking, and quitting eating processed food.
These are things that have changed so much. I used to be so addicted to diet soda...all I drank was diet coke or diet dr. pepper. I'd drink 2 2liters a day. Can you imagine? And I LOVED it! I wonder how much money I spent on soda with a habit like that for almost 30 years? I quit drinking diet soda over 2 years ago. It has almost been 3 years. I can't believe it has been that long. I don't miss it at all. And the couple of times that I've tried to drink a soda it has tasted so horrible that it's actually kind of shocking. The taste of that fake sugar is so nasty. I can't believe that I ever loved the taste of that crap.
What do I drink now? Unsweetened organic iced tea, soda water (nothing in it but water!), filtered tap water, and wine (or the occasional beer). And miracle of miracles, I love water! Just plain, filtered cold water is fantastic.
Just a few words on quitting smoking...I can't believe I was ever a smoker. It's so gross...which I knew but didn't really appreciate how smelly it really is. I can smell a smoker or a lit cigarette so quickly now. I can't believe I ever let myself smell like an ashtray and god knows what I was doing to my lungs (well, I know because I developed asthma!).
Quitting processed foods though...now that is a whole new world for me. For so long, especially in my 20s, I ate so much fast food. And it's been almost my whole life that I ate tons of processed foods. In my 20s and 30s I practically lived on Lean Cuisines and Weight Watchers meals. Now just the thought of them grosses me out. I can't believe I made myself eat those little boxes of processed foods. Sooo much sodium and corn and corn derivatives and such tiny portions. Since I've started eating clean, whole foods, I feel so much better. And I feel cared for in a way that those little tv dinners never made me feel. When I ate those I felt deprived. I felt like I was on a diet. Yet, ironically, I didn't end up losing weight no matter how many of them I ate (I used to eat one every day for lunch!).
I have finally lost the taste for processed food. Like I used to eat peanut butter like Jiff or Skippy...and now it tastes like candy fluff...peanut-butter flavored fluff. I love real nut butters...nothing but ground nuts and a little salt...tastes like peanut butter, not candy.
This morning, I woke up late. I didn't have time to make my usual cup of organic coffee so I decided to stop at McDonald's for my caffeine fix...a large unsweetened iced tea (no styrofoam! at least I can recycle the plastic cup!) and as I pulled out of the drive thru I thought, "Wow...it's been a really long time since I stopped there in the morning." I thought about it for a minute...used to be a time when I would have McDonald's for breakfast every morning (bacon, egg and cheese biscuit with a side of hash browns and a large SWEET iced tea -- don't even get me started on this...suffice to say, read the first part of Omnivore's Dilemma to learn how all of that is just corn and corn derivatives...a high calorie/high fat/high fructose corn syrup meal!). Now I have zero desire to eat something like that. Not saying that I would NEVER eat a McD's meal again...but the craving for that kind of food is gone.
This transformation...these changes...are nothing short of magic that I have worked in this past year!
Monday, November 23, 2009
Thanksgiving Week: I will survive...
"Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake."
~Author Unknown
I am going into this week with a positive outlook. I don't want to use Thursday as an excuse to overeat. So I am planning but don't want to get obsessive.
I am on plan this week and back at the gym. I am going to do a bit of yoga this week as well. I won't be working out on Thursday as we are traveling for Thanksgiving day.
I am bringing a few side dishes to the dinner to be sure that I will have some healthy options. I'm bringing a brussel sprouts dish, plain baked sweet potatoes, and homemade cranberry sauce. I'm also going to make a really yummy low cal veggie dip and bring some fresh cut up veggies to go on the appetizer table so that I'm not tempted to pig out on the high cal apps. I'm planning to eat a good healthy breakfast to keep me from feeling starved by the time we get there.
I am taking a bottle of champagne and a chess pie! So my plan on both of these? Moderation. I don't want to feel like I can't have a couple glasses of sparkling wine and a small piece of pie. So, I'm planning to share the champagne and am just going to have a small sliver of my favorite pie. I'd be lying if I didn't say that these two things are kind of freaking me out. This is the hole that I always seem to fall in! But I know there must be a way around it. I should be able to enjoy both of these things without falling into that hole and getting stuck there.
Basically, I think it comes down to this...I don't want this week to become an excuse for falling off the wagon. I do want to pay attention to my body and give myself what I need. I want to get some rest, some exercise and eat good foods.
Hope everyone has a happy Thanksgiving!
~Author Unknown
I am going into this week with a positive outlook. I don't want to use Thursday as an excuse to overeat. So I am planning but don't want to get obsessive.
I am on plan this week and back at the gym. I am going to do a bit of yoga this week as well. I won't be working out on Thursday as we are traveling for Thanksgiving day.
I am bringing a few side dishes to the dinner to be sure that I will have some healthy options. I'm bringing a brussel sprouts dish, plain baked sweet potatoes, and homemade cranberry sauce. I'm also going to make a really yummy low cal veggie dip and bring some fresh cut up veggies to go on the appetizer table so that I'm not tempted to pig out on the high cal apps. I'm planning to eat a good healthy breakfast to keep me from feeling starved by the time we get there.
I am taking a bottle of champagne and a chess pie! So my plan on both of these? Moderation. I don't want to feel like I can't have a couple glasses of sparkling wine and a small piece of pie. So, I'm planning to share the champagne and am just going to have a small sliver of my favorite pie. I'd be lying if I didn't say that these two things are kind of freaking me out. This is the hole that I always seem to fall in! But I know there must be a way around it. I should be able to enjoy both of these things without falling into that hole and getting stuck there.
Basically, I think it comes down to this...I don't want this week to become an excuse for falling off the wagon. I do want to pay attention to my body and give myself what I need. I want to get some rest, some exercise and eat good foods.
Hope everyone has a happy Thanksgiving!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
The Rainbow Bridge...
"From Celtic myth, the pot of gold at the rainbow's end represents a kind of Holy Grail - the lost vessel of spiritual renewal and fulfillment. Carl Jung referred to gold as the symbolic end product of inner alchemical transformation. Passage through the chakras is an alchemical process of increasing refinement that unites light and shadow, male and female, spirit and matter, all in the crucible of the body and psyche. The pot of gold is indeed the elusive philosopher's stone that lures us into the heroic journey of transformation."
Oh and as a fantastic validation for listening to what my body needs...at my weigh in this morning, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I lost a pound! Whoot! Another pound gone!!!
~Eastern Body, Western Mind: Psychology and the Chakra System as a Path to the Self
So it's a hero's journey, eh? Heh. I didn't think that was really the case when I started down this path. Oh, it's a difficult one, to be sure...but heroic?
This past week has been very interesting. Taking a week off to rest and do yoga instead of hopping on the treadmill every morning has really brought to light some of my shadows. It's so easy to get down on myself when I'm not going by the book. But, I've learned a lot. And I keep getting these messages that yoga is the right thing for me. Everywhere I look lately I've been seeing the word, Jivamukti.
Maybe I'll see if there's a Jivamukti teacher in my area. Or maybe I'll just practice on my own. I don't know yet.
I do know that I will get back on the treadmill tomorrow. I was thinking about this yesterday and realized that I do miss it and, I think, that if I take a half hour out for cardio and then another, at least, half hour out for yoga...maybe that is the balance I need for now?
I know this is a short post...just musing here....
Oh and as a fantastic validation for listening to what my body needs...at my weigh in this morning, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I lost a pound! Whoot! Another pound gone!!!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
A Shifting Perspective...
"The saying goes, 'The sage rests, truly rests and is at ease.' This manifests itself in calmness and detachment, so that worries and distress cannot affect him, nothing unpleasant can disturb him, his Virtue is complete and his spirit is not stirred up."
One pose I've come across is the Viparita Karani pose. You can find out more information for this pose here, at Yoga Journal.
-Chuang Tzu
I have been on a quest for rest this week. Yesterday, I read through all of the blog posts I've written here and the one thing that really stood out to me was my need for rest.
It seems, since I turned 40, that I am constantly tired. It doesn't seem to matter if I'm working out everyday or if I'm going to bed early...I just seem to be tired all the time.
And since I'm paying more attention to my body...since I'm trying to learn to trust what it is my body really needs...this week, I have forgone my intense exercise regimen for rest. I've been doing some yoga poses instead of climbing on the treadmill every morning.
One pose I've come across is the Viparita Karani pose. You can find out more information for this pose here, at Yoga Journal. I have been searching for a yoga practice for months now. I've tried Ashtanga and Vinyasa Flow, but those practices are not giving me what I'm really craving right now. What I want is a bunch of restorative poses that will help me get the rest that my body is craving.
I'm trying not to panic about this shift in perspective...because, really, how much weight am I going to be able to lose in a week if I'm not working out?? I'm about to find out. I'm still counting calories and staying within my calorie range, so I am sure that I won't see a gain. But making this shift in perspective has been scary because I wonder if I'm sabotaging myself...sabotaging my weight-loss goals? But then I think...the journey I'm really on is about finding better health for myself. And right now...this week...I want to rest and restore. Maybe next week I'll get back on the treadmill...
As I was driving into work this morning, I was thinking about how, just a few months ago, I would get so frustrated if I only saw a half pound loss on the scale (per week) and now, I'm thinking that losing a half pound would be fantastic! It means progress...
But there are other ways of progressing on this path...quitting smoking (I did this about 5 years ago), quitting drinking diet sodas (going on 3 years!), and since this summer, quitting eating fake/processed foods...beginning to eat a mostly organic, health positive menu...drinking mostly water on a daily basis and cutting my consumption of caffiene and alcohol...these are all amazing steps on my journey to complete health!
These little shifts in perspective add up to such huge changes...
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
How to get back on the wagon...
"If you keep on going the way you're going you'll end up where you're heading - which direction are you aiming for?"
I've had a mini-setback...but as Jillian says, you can't let that stop you. If you got a flat tire would you ditch the whole car? No, you'd fix the flat and drive on.
So I'm fixing the flat. I've been doing so great...last Friday morning I told Cathy that I was feeling so good and feeling so good about myself. And then I completely just stopped what I was doing.
Don't get me wrong...I didn't go buy a cake and eat it. What didn't I do? I didn't count my calories and I didn't exercise. What did I do? I got a massage, got my hair done, got a body scrub, and got some rest.
And yet, I've been beating myself up about this since Sunday. I've been so mad at myself for not working out and for not being the perfect dieting robot that I have almost pushed myself back into that hole.
This morning, as I was driving to work I had a radical thought. If I am feeling resistant to going to the gym to workout...then maybe what I really want is to do something a little different. So what about yoga this week??? Or what about taking a class? Maybe I need to change up the program a bit...shake things up...make it fresh.
It's certainly no reason to get so down on myself that I abandon my good eating plan.
I have traveled such a long road over this past year. Trying to figure out what works and trying to find my way. When I look back to this time last year, I can see that I've made some measure of progress. I've lost 14 pounds. But more importantly, I've started treating myself better.
One thing I'm really proud of...I've quit eating those awful Lean Cuisine's and Weight Watchers meals. Ugh. To think how much money I've spent on that crap for all those years. And did they help me lose weight??? NO. Not one pound. And when I look at the ingredients list and nutrition information on the package, I'm grossed out. And the best side benefit from giving up that little box of crap disguised as food? I stop adding all that packaging to the landfills.
I am so glad that I've found my way to clean eating. Whole foods are really the way to go when you want to feel better. I am so glad that I'm eating more locally grown, organic foods. I feel better about not contributing to the massive industrial food giants (who turn pesticides and petroleum into foods that poison us and makes us fatter).
Something else I've recently come to...I gave up eating pork a few years ago though I still ate a piece of bacon here and there...so not quite a non-pork eater...but even eating a piece of bacon 3-4 times a year...it wasn't sitting well. I've been reading Omnivore's Dilemma and Pollan pointed out something...it wasn't even a paragraph but this little fact about how the industrial animal farms treat pigs (something I knew and is what spurred me to give up pork in the first place)...it broke my heart and made me renew my vow not to be a consumer of pork. So, no more. Not even a tiny piece once in a while. Done. I'm not contributing to the misery of one more pig.
And honestly, I don't want to contribute to the misery of the cows/steers and chickens either. So I'm going for grassfed beef and organic dairy products. No more industrial beef for me. It makes me sick to think of eating one more bite of that kind of beef.
Not to turn my blog into a political treatise on becoming a vegetarian (because I'm not...at least right now). Though, I will say, I so wish I lived near Polyface Farms (or one like it!!!).
Last night I found my way back onto the wagon...it was a struggle, to be sure! But I'm back...these little bumps on the road that knock me off are getting fewer and far between. And I'm getting stronger...the program I've developed is working. Looking to my spiritual practice to sustain me and help me to shapeshift has been the difference. Magic really works!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Another Pound Gone!
It has been slow going. It's taken me 19 days to lose 3 pounds. That's about a pound a week. It is so frustrating to be counting calories and trying to plan to make sure I don't go over my allotted amount per day...and to be exercising like I should and not see the scale budge much.
On the other hand, I've lost 3 pounds rather than gained 3. So at least there is some movement, however small, towards the other end of the scale.
I think it is all part of my struggle. I keep telling myself that it is worth it...that I am not in a diet race or on a diet show...that changing my life is hard and will be painful at times.
I've been on the wagon now for 31 days and I've lost 10 pounds. Perhaps, in another 31 days, I'll have lost another 10 pounds.
On the other hand, I've lost 3 pounds rather than gained 3. So at least there is some movement, however small, towards the other end of the scale.
I think it is all part of my struggle. I keep telling myself that it is worth it...that I am not in a diet race or on a diet show...that changing my life is hard and will be painful at times.
I've been on the wagon now for 31 days and I've lost 10 pounds. Perhaps, in another 31 days, I'll have lost another 10 pounds.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Just Keep Swimming...
Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim..
~Dory, Finding Nemo
~Dory, Finding Nemo
Yes, I've not written in a long while...it's been over two months for anyone who's counting.
I have been off track and trying desperately to get back on. The pattern of losing 7 - 10 pounds for a few weeks, then engaging in self-sabotage and putting right back on was at issue. Again. Some more.
I would like to say that I'm back on track and feeling like I've beat it, this time! But I don't know. I'm trying. I'm taking it one pound at a time. If that. More like one day at a time. And I'm back down the 7 pounds that I put on. So, according to the scale, I'm right where I was at my last post.
There's something different this time. A few things actually. I've started to see a therapist to see if I can get to the root of, you know, "What's Eating [Me]"...I've started a very good exercise regimen (circuit training)...and I'm incorporating some very deep spiritual practices into my days rather than sporadically.
Getting to the root of this thing...why do I self-sabotage? How do I keep falling off the wagon? Does the why even matter? Can I just strap myself in somehow? Getting to the root of all that is such a pain. It is not clear at all. At most, I could just say that it's low self-esteem...it's that I just don't prioritize myself in ways that make me healthy and strong.
The exercise is fantastic. I am sweating like I haven't sweated in a long time. It's Jillian Michaels' program. (If you're curious, look up her first book, Winning by Losing, the circuits are in it). I like it a lot because my partner and I have a little gym we set up in our basement...it's so easy to go down there and workout for 30-45mins. I have everything I need; a weight bench, assortment of dumbbells, an elliptical for the cardio portion (or a mini-trampoline if I want to do something different), we have the cushy gym flooring so that I can do crunches, a squats and floor stuff without killing myself, we even have a mirror so that I can keep an eye on my form.
The hardest part, so far, for me with the exercise regimen, are the off days. I've discovered that I'm that kind of dieter who is "all or nothing"...so taking a day off kind of pushes that button...like it almost serves to derail me. So, I've been doing meditation or yoga on those days so that I'm not interfering with my rest but am actually adding to the healing/relaxing part of it.
The eating is okay. I mean, I always eat fairly healthy foods...lots of whole foods...I cook a lot. But then there are times when I want my favorite meal (artisan cheeses, breads, olives, toasted nuts, dried apricots and dates, and a couple glasses of wine). Those are the times that can derail me...back to that all or nothing mentality...but since I'm trying to change how I live (not just be on a diet), I'm trying to figure out how I can still do that and not get fat. LOL. Moderation, I'm sure, is the key.
And then there's the spiritual aspect. It has been very good...lots of meditation, lots of healing/energy work, and quite a few "ritual workings"...these are quite "shamanic" in practice (and by shaman, I'm not talking about Native American or Indigenous shamanic practices but rather, from a more "women's mysteries" perspective). This has been so helpful to me in making this shift.
One book that has helped me on this path, lately, has been Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. It's simply amazing. I wanted to end this blog post with a poem that I read in it...it's by the mystic, Rumi...
This being human is a guest house,
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness
comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!...
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Self-Sabotage...
What happened? I was doing so well and then suddenly I find myself, two weeks later, back in that hole.
I could list off a bunch of excuses...work stress, aunt flow, home stress, money stress...
But what's at the root of that? What is eating me? Why, when I was feeling so good did my motivation and determination fail for a week?
Do I just acknowledge it and move on? Climb out of the hole and continue putting one foot in front of the other? Or do I also engage in some analysis of the situation? Would it matter? Maybe it's how I respond that is most important...
Be gentle with myself and say, "okay...I fell off the wagon for a week and now that I see that and know that I want to get back on track, it's time to get back on track!"
I feel so frustrated with myself right now. I am looking at how I got here and why but nothing is coming to me. I don't think I really want to be overweight and out of shape...I mean, I don't think I'm self-sabotaging because I like being fat. I don't think I get anything out of that. I don't think it "protects" me or keeps me safe.
I am trying to do the work of what it is...but all that I'm coming up with right now is that I am tired. Actually this morning, I just don't feel good. I don't feel energized. I feel a bit down and depressed.
I think my fitness guru would tell me to get some therapy. But, to be honest, I've been that route and don't think I will find out anything earth shattering there. I've been through the self-examination and understand a lot about myself.
I think, for the most part that I'm constantly fighting against my all or nothing attitude...so that if I step off the path for even a few feet, then I'm off it for good. And suddenly I'm down in this hole and can't get out.
The last time I posted was when I was feeling pretty good but I think that going on that retreat threw me off my routine so much that I had a hard time getting back to it.
The good news? It's only been two weeks. In the past I would have stayed in the place for months before picking myself up, dusting myself off and getting back on track.
I have a goal too...a vanity goal, I guess. I want to look good for an event...it's a festival that we go too every year. It's on June 19th. So close enough that I need to work hard to reach the goal but not so far away that I can put off getting back on track.
I have another goal as well...to run in the Spirit of Columbus half marathon on August 30th. That gives me about 13 weeks to get in good enough shape to run 13.1 miles. I think it's doable. More so than me walking the Flying Pig half with only 6 weeks training.
Almost right after I fell off the wagon, I was emailed an article from http://www.peertrainer.com/ (don't ask me how I found this site...I must have signed up with them to email me articles at some point because they send out an email like every week or so...it's free and for the most part I don't open them unless something catches my eye). By the way, this is a fantastic site and really is a great resource...you should check it out.
So Peertrainer.com sent me an email called, "How can I stop my weight loss self-sabotage? A guide to identifying the patterns that trip you up." It's by Joshua Wayne and you can find the whole article here. The two things I took away from that article is that I probably focus on the wrong things...like not losing one week or get upset because I splurged. I tend to focus on the negatives rather than the positives...like I have made a huge switch in not eating fast food just because it's easy. I no longer grab those low-fat frozen pre-packaged, sodium laden "meals" for my lunches. I have made the switch to more organic, less chemical/pesticide/poison laden products. And I have gotten on a program of walking every day (except for the past two weeks!). Sooo, focus on the positive.
And then, the other thing I got from the article is that I need to exercise my discipline muscle. It takes discipline to change bad habits. I need to practice determination and persistance. I must take action. Being tired won't last. Eventually, I will have more energy.
One thing that I want to be sure to do is to keep posting here. Just because I fall off the wagon or take two steps back, I don't want to not post. I feel that I need to write about the hard times as much as I write about the good times. I was trying to post every two days before I fell into this rut, so I am going to go back to that. I think it's helpful for me and keeps me accountable but hopefully it's helpful for you as well.
So my climb out of this hole starts today. Right now...
I could list off a bunch of excuses...work stress, aunt flow, home stress, money stress...
But what's at the root of that? What is eating me? Why, when I was feeling so good did my motivation and determination fail for a week?
Do I just acknowledge it and move on? Climb out of the hole and continue putting one foot in front of the other? Or do I also engage in some analysis of the situation? Would it matter? Maybe it's how I respond that is most important...
Be gentle with myself and say, "okay...I fell off the wagon for a week and now that I see that and know that I want to get back on track, it's time to get back on track!"
I feel so frustrated with myself right now. I am looking at how I got here and why but nothing is coming to me. I don't think I really want to be overweight and out of shape...I mean, I don't think I'm self-sabotaging because I like being fat. I don't think I get anything out of that. I don't think it "protects" me or keeps me safe.
I am trying to do the work of what it is...but all that I'm coming up with right now is that I am tired. Actually this morning, I just don't feel good. I don't feel energized. I feel a bit down and depressed.
I think my fitness guru would tell me to get some therapy. But, to be honest, I've been that route and don't think I will find out anything earth shattering there. I've been through the self-examination and understand a lot about myself.
I think, for the most part that I'm constantly fighting against my all or nothing attitude...so that if I step off the path for even a few feet, then I'm off it for good. And suddenly I'm down in this hole and can't get out.
The last time I posted was when I was feeling pretty good but I think that going on that retreat threw me off my routine so much that I had a hard time getting back to it.
The good news? It's only been two weeks. In the past I would have stayed in the place for months before picking myself up, dusting myself off and getting back on track.
I have a goal too...a vanity goal, I guess. I want to look good for an event...it's a festival that we go too every year. It's on June 19th. So close enough that I need to work hard to reach the goal but not so far away that I can put off getting back on track.
I have another goal as well...to run in the Spirit of Columbus half marathon on August 30th. That gives me about 13 weeks to get in good enough shape to run 13.1 miles. I think it's doable. More so than me walking the Flying Pig half with only 6 weeks training.
Almost right after I fell off the wagon, I was emailed an article from http://www.peertrainer.com/ (don't ask me how I found this site...I must have signed up with them to email me articles at some point because they send out an email like every week or so...it's free and for the most part I don't open them unless something catches my eye). By the way, this is a fantastic site and really is a great resource...you should check it out.
So Peertrainer.com sent me an email called, "How can I stop my weight loss self-sabotage? A guide to identifying the patterns that trip you up." It's by Joshua Wayne and you can find the whole article here. The two things I took away from that article is that I probably focus on the wrong things...like not losing one week or get upset because I splurged. I tend to focus on the negatives rather than the positives...like I have made a huge switch in not eating fast food just because it's easy. I no longer grab those low-fat frozen pre-packaged, sodium laden "meals" for my lunches. I have made the switch to more organic, less chemical/pesticide/poison laden products. And I have gotten on a program of walking every day (except for the past two weeks!). Sooo, focus on the positive.
And then, the other thing I got from the article is that I need to exercise my discipline muscle. It takes discipline to change bad habits. I need to practice determination and persistance. I must take action. Being tired won't last. Eventually, I will have more energy.
One thing that I want to be sure to do is to keep posting here. Just because I fall off the wagon or take two steps back, I don't want to not post. I feel that I need to write about the hard times as much as I write about the good times. I was trying to post every two days before I fell into this rut, so I am going to go back to that. I think it's helpful for me and keeps me accountable but hopefully it's helpful for you as well.
So my climb out of this hole starts today. Right now...
Monday, May 11, 2009
Vacation doesn't have to = Weight Gain...
Though it was a short vacation...a meditation retreat of sorts...there was abundant vegetarian food and some high fat treats (chocolate cake and ice cream! Kettle salt and pepper potato chips!)...I am happy to report, I still ended up losing a few pounds.
I have officially left the 190s.
I was worried that I'd gained some back because I did NOT count calories while I was at the retreat and even had a couple bites of ice cream and cake and a few handfuls of potato chips through out the weekend.
I only exercised once. One morning I got up and went on a walk that was a little over 3 miles. But other than that, I really didn't have the time. We were pretty busy from day 1 through day 4.
I did try to eat consciously. For example...on the night that we had ice cream and cookies...I ended up with a dish of ice cream and two cookies (the organic version of Oreos). Well, I took two bites of the ice cream, ate two cookies and tossed the rest. On the night we had cake, I had two bites of ice cream and a small sliver of the cake and no more. When I had the chips, I made sure not to sit and eat out of the bag...I just put a few on a napkin and sat there and ate them consciously.
So this morning I thought that I needed to go ahead and assess the damage. I got on the scale and was surprised to see 189.
This is great! It means that I can go on a weekend and not be so obssessed that I can't have a good time.
I have officially left the 190s.
I was worried that I'd gained some back because I did NOT count calories while I was at the retreat and even had a couple bites of ice cream and cake and a few handfuls of potato chips through out the weekend.
I only exercised once. One morning I got up and went on a walk that was a little over 3 miles. But other than that, I really didn't have the time. We were pretty busy from day 1 through day 4.
I did try to eat consciously. For example...on the night that we had ice cream and cookies...I ended up with a dish of ice cream and two cookies (the organic version of Oreos). Well, I took two bites of the ice cream, ate two cookies and tossed the rest. On the night we had cake, I had two bites of ice cream and a small sliver of the cake and no more. When I had the chips, I made sure not to sit and eat out of the bag...I just put a few on a napkin and sat there and ate them consciously.
So this morning I thought that I needed to go ahead and assess the damage. I got on the scale and was surprised to see 189.
This is great! It means that I can go on a weekend and not be so obssessed that I can't have a good time.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
The numbers...
Well, I had a feeling...maybe because I peeked the other day...suffice to say, the number on the scale is not huge. But I honestly am not as bothered as I thought I would be because I can feel change. I feel better. I feel healthier and I want to keep going down this path. Who knows, maybe my body will kick in and lose more over this next month...once I start coming into balance, my body may cooperate a bit more and let go of those fat stores.
Weight: 192
Chest: 46
Waist: 38.5
Hips: 44.5
Thigh: 27.5
Calf: 16.5
Upper Arm: 14.25
I think these numbers reflect a small loss. It's a good thing, right? I mean, it's not a gain...if I average out my gains for the past 4 years...that would come out to about +.83 lb per month. It's times like this that Biggest Loser trips me up because contestants on that show lose more than 7 pounds in one week. And I know that the body can easily lose 7 pounds in "water" weight. But I am NOT going to let the numbers derail me.
Edited to add...
My coworker Lauri pointed out something that I hadn't thought of...I was saying how the BL contestants can lose 7 pounds (or more) in a week and she said that last night's episode showed how much the contestants lost in 30 days when they weren't on the ranch. It was a revelation! I mean, the final four contestants lost 7-10 pounds in 30 days. Soooo, wow! I actually did pretty good. (And if you are a BL fan, that's 3.52%).
Now I feel much better about my results! Thank you Lauri!
Weight: 192
Chest: 46
Waist: 38.5
Hips: 44.5
Thigh: 27.5
Calf: 16.5
Upper Arm: 14.25
I think these numbers reflect a small loss. It's a good thing, right? I mean, it's not a gain...if I average out my gains for the past 4 years...that would come out to about +.83 lb per month. It's times like this that Biggest Loser trips me up because contestants on that show lose more than 7 pounds in one week. And I know that the body can easily lose 7 pounds in "water" weight. But I am NOT going to let the numbers derail me.
Edited to add...
My coworker Lauri pointed out something that I hadn't thought of...I was saying how the BL contestants can lose 7 pounds (or more) in a week and she said that last night's episode showed how much the contestants lost in 30 days when they weren't on the ranch. It was a revelation! I mean, the final four contestants lost 7-10 pounds in 30 days. Soooo, wow! I actually did pretty good. (And if you are a BL fan, that's 3.52%).
Now I feel much better about my results! Thank you Lauri!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Retreating to find balance...
I've been planning on attending a meditation retreat for months. The time has finally arrived and I am more than a little excited. I haven't had time off in the form of vacation for some time, so I'm really looking forward to this.
Fortunately, I am also pretty much responsible for the menu at this retreat so I will be able to control what I eat. It's basically an organic, vegetarian menu so I'm not worried about overeating or only having a choice of processed foods to chose from.
This long weekend will give me a good chance to do some deep spiritual work and to try and work more on achieving balance.
As I progress on this journey, I'm finding more and more that the whole thing is about being in balance.
It seems that I have been out of balance for the past few years. I think, once I turned 40, that my hormones and metabolism started falling out of balance and I wasn't ready for that.
For the past few weeks, I've been attempting to make a major change in my diet. I have tried to not only eat whole foods but to make all the foods I eat very good quality. I am becoming more and more interested in organics. I have attempted to eat mostly organic but I've also made the switch with most of the products I put on my body as well (shampoo, conditioner, soap, toothpaste, moisturizer, body lotion, deodorant, etc.) and with the products we use around the house (dishwashing liquid, clothing detergent, cleaning products, etc.).
The more I read about the effects of pesticides, chemicals, and poisons on everything we eat and use, the more I'm thinking that I want to avoid these things as much as possible.
Case in point...I've had this "eye thing" for the past five years. My left eye would tear up constantly. It was weird and really annoying. I had it checked out a couple of times but both my doctor and eye doctor thought it could be an allergy or dry eye or something like that...they just weren't sure. Well, I did a little research about sodium laurel sulfate...and guess what? It's not good for us...not one little bit and guess what else...it's in everything that foams (re: shampoo!).
I'll spare you the details...just google it and you'll find all the arguments that it's a FANTASTIC product and perfectly safe as well as that it's a poison that is cancer-causing. You can figure out what you want to believe yourself.
But, my eye? Since I quit using shampoo and conditioner that contains that chemical, it has not watered. Not once. That's enough for me!
And on top of all of this...I'm really feeling so much better. Better than I have for a long time. I am really beginning to believe that I can achieve my health goals...
Fortunately, I am also pretty much responsible for the menu at this retreat so I will be able to control what I eat. It's basically an organic, vegetarian menu so I'm not worried about overeating or only having a choice of processed foods to chose from.
This long weekend will give me a good chance to do some deep spiritual work and to try and work more on achieving balance.
As I progress on this journey, I'm finding more and more that the whole thing is about being in balance.
It seems that I have been out of balance for the past few years. I think, once I turned 40, that my hormones and metabolism started falling out of balance and I wasn't ready for that.
For the past few weeks, I've been attempting to make a major change in my diet. I have tried to not only eat whole foods but to make all the foods I eat very good quality. I am becoming more and more interested in organics. I have attempted to eat mostly organic but I've also made the switch with most of the products I put on my body as well (shampoo, conditioner, soap, toothpaste, moisturizer, body lotion, deodorant, etc.) and with the products we use around the house (dishwashing liquid, clothing detergent, cleaning products, etc.).
The more I read about the effects of pesticides, chemicals, and poisons on everything we eat and use, the more I'm thinking that I want to avoid these things as much as possible.
Case in point...I've had this "eye thing" for the past five years. My left eye would tear up constantly. It was weird and really annoying. I had it checked out a couple of times but both my doctor and eye doctor thought it could be an allergy or dry eye or something like that...they just weren't sure. Well, I did a little research about sodium laurel sulfate...and guess what? It's not good for us...not one little bit and guess what else...it's in everything that foams (re: shampoo!).
I'll spare you the details...just google it and you'll find all the arguments that it's a FANTASTIC product and perfectly safe as well as that it's a poison that is cancer-causing. You can figure out what you want to believe yourself.
But, my eye? Since I quit using shampoo and conditioner that contains that chemical, it has not watered. Not once. That's enough for me!
And on top of all of this...I'm really feeling so much better. Better than I have for a long time. I am really beginning to believe that I can achieve my health goals...
But it's my anniversary...
A year ago today, we held our commitment ceremony but we celebrated last night by going out to a fabulous dinner. Now, let me preface this by saying...I'd done the 10k that morning so I figure I probably burned somewhere in the neighborhood of at least 400 calories (though I just ran it through a calorie calculator and it says 815!).
I had a really good and healthy breakfast (two organic boiled eggs, 1 piece whole wheat Ezekel bread, and a small organic banana) and a healthy lunch (mixed field greens with grilled chicken and orange tofu vinegrette).
Sooo...for our special dinner, I decided to be mindful but not calorie restrictive. I had two small glasses of very good champagne before we left the house. At the restaurant, we ordered a bottle of excellent Sancerre.
We had two appetizers: a shrimp cocktail with giant shrimp (I had two pieces) and a 1/2 dozen fresh oysters with just a bit of cocktail and horseradish sauce. We split a romaine salad with tomato and pine nut vinegrette. For the entree, I ordered the grilled wild caught halibut in lemon butter and served with lightly sauteed fresh asparagus and a few roasted red potatoes.
And then dessert...CAKE! It was a slice of lemon poppyseed cake with strawberry cream frosting. We split the piece and each had a few bites.
I wanted to celebrate without falling entirely off the wagon. I don't want to be consumed by dieting...and I don't want to feel like I have to be on a strict diet for a special occasion such as our first anniversary. I think I did pretty good. I guess I could have asked for the fish without the lemon butter sauce. And I probably could have not drank 2 glasses of champagne and 2 glasses of wine. I could have skipped the cake or just had one or two bites instead of 4 bites. But, again...I don't feel like I went completely overboard. I feel like I made some pretty wise choices (especially considering the menu!).
So today, I'm going to be careful about letting last night derail me. There's no reason to not pick right back up. So this morning I am back to counting calories and writing it all in my little notebook. Healthy breakfast? Check! Getting ready to go for my walk? Check! And I will have a healthy lunch and dinner...
I had a really good and healthy breakfast (two organic boiled eggs, 1 piece whole wheat Ezekel bread, and a small organic banana) and a healthy lunch (mixed field greens with grilled chicken and orange tofu vinegrette).
Sooo...for our special dinner, I decided to be mindful but not calorie restrictive. I had two small glasses of very good champagne before we left the house. At the restaurant, we ordered a bottle of excellent Sancerre.
We had two appetizers: a shrimp cocktail with giant shrimp (I had two pieces) and a 1/2 dozen fresh oysters with just a bit of cocktail and horseradish sauce. We split a romaine salad with tomato and pine nut vinegrette. For the entree, I ordered the grilled wild caught halibut in lemon butter and served with lightly sauteed fresh asparagus and a few roasted red potatoes.
And then dessert...CAKE! It was a slice of lemon poppyseed cake with strawberry cream frosting. We split the piece and each had a few bites.
I wanted to celebrate without falling entirely off the wagon. I don't want to be consumed by dieting...and I don't want to feel like I have to be on a strict diet for a special occasion such as our first anniversary. I think I did pretty good. I guess I could have asked for the fish without the lemon butter sauce. And I probably could have not drank 2 glasses of champagne and 2 glasses of wine. I could have skipped the cake or just had one or two bites instead of 4 bites. But, again...I don't feel like I went completely overboard. I feel like I made some pretty wise choices (especially considering the menu!).
So today, I'm going to be careful about letting last night derail me. There's no reason to not pick right back up. So this morning I am back to counting calories and writing it all in my little notebook. Healthy breakfast? Check! Getting ready to go for my walk? Check! And I will have a healthy lunch and dinner...
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Workout Synchronicity
One of my excuses for not exercising used to be, "It's raining, can't go for a walk today." That was also used if it looked like rain or the humidity was very high. It also morphed into, "It's too hot out" and "It's too cold out."
Since I started walking again at the beginning of April...you know, rainy season...and it has rained...but, for some reason, it has miraculously cleared up enough for me to go for my walks every single time.
All week, they have been predicting rain for today...for the whole weekend actually. And here in Cincinnati, this is the big weekend...it's the Flying Pig weekend.
Now, I realize, in my last post, I said I had decided not to do the Half Marathon. I didn't change my mind on that. I was pretty sure I didn't want to hurt myself since I felt like I hadn't trained enough to walk 13 miles this weekend (I've only been back to walking for 4 weeks). What I didn't think of until yesterday was that I could switch races.
About 10am yesterday I thought, "Oh...wonder if I could do the 10k on Saturday? Wonder if they would let me switch from the Half to the 10k?" I'd planned to go pick up my racing packet anyway, so thought I would find out if I could do that and if I could, then I would be walking a 10k this morning.
They did. I did.
Oh and the predicted rain? Completely and totally bypassed us. It was an absolutely BEAUTIFUL perfect day for walking 6.2 miles. Could it be that the weather spirits are trying to tell me something? ;>
And since I had worked up from being a complete couch potato to walking an average of 20 miles a week...walking 6 miles (well, 7 if you count walking from and to the car!! seriously, they gotta get a better system going for picking up the racers!) wasn't easy...but I did it. I just kept pick 'em up and putting 'em down...all the while listening to my iPod and walking tall.
Here's a couple of pix...not the greatest of me but I'll get there! One is during the race and that hill was KILLING me...it was just before the 5th mile. The other one is after the race...
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
A partial status update...
The last few days have been good ones as far as eating and exercising.
I'm almost to the point where I'm going to weigh in again and check my measurements. It's been hard to not peek. I've done so 3 times and twice it was not a good idea. Hopefully, it'll get easier to just check it out monthly or maybe every other week or something.
One thing that I finally came to terms with was that I need to monitor my calorie intake and do, at least, a little planning. I have avoided Weight Watchers because I don't want to count points and weigh and measure everything. But listening to the JM podcasts over the last week, she's convinced me to count calories...at least for a while.
The thing I like about it is that I feel like I have some control. I feel like, this is something I can do and see real results with. I have been spending, maybe 10 minutes in the evening planning out my next day's meals...basically, I bought one of those tiny pocket notebooks and just write out what I'm going to eat along with the calorie count.
I also got a little calorie counting book that makes it easy to count calories if I go out to lunch or dinner on the weekends (as we are wont to do!).
I also feel really good about my walks. It's been going really well and I have only missed my walk 3 times. I've gone from couch to 4 miles a day. The walks are still pretty tough for me, so I haven't increased the mileage again. And the problem with this is that I don't feel like I've got enough training under my belt to go through with the Pig. As much as I don't want to feel like I've wasted the $75 registration fee, more than that, I really don't want to jeopardize my progress by bringing back the plantar fasciitis I got from doing the half marathon in 2007. Right now my walks feel good and my feet are really on sore on the weekends after my long walk and working around the house or running errands all day (re: being on my feet all day).
So I have pretty much decided not to do it and have shifted focus to another half marathon that's in Columbus at the end of August. I should be up to 7 or more miles a day and more ready to do a half by then. And, I think, it will help me to maintain my motivation.
I feel like the little engine that could...I am at the stage where "I think I can, I think I can..." and reaching for knowing that I can...
I'm almost to the point where I'm going to weigh in again and check my measurements. It's been hard to not peek. I've done so 3 times and twice it was not a good idea. Hopefully, it'll get easier to just check it out monthly or maybe every other week or something.
One thing that I finally came to terms with was that I need to monitor my calorie intake and do, at least, a little planning. I have avoided Weight Watchers because I don't want to count points and weigh and measure everything. But listening to the JM podcasts over the last week, she's convinced me to count calories...at least for a while.
The thing I like about it is that I feel like I have some control. I feel like, this is something I can do and see real results with. I have been spending, maybe 10 minutes in the evening planning out my next day's meals...basically, I bought one of those tiny pocket notebooks and just write out what I'm going to eat along with the calorie count.
I also got a little calorie counting book that makes it easy to count calories if I go out to lunch or dinner on the weekends (as we are wont to do!).
I also feel really good about my walks. It's been going really well and I have only missed my walk 3 times. I've gone from couch to 4 miles a day. The walks are still pretty tough for me, so I haven't increased the mileage again. And the problem with this is that I don't feel like I've got enough training under my belt to go through with the Pig. As much as I don't want to feel like I've wasted the $75 registration fee, more than that, I really don't want to jeopardize my progress by bringing back the plantar fasciitis I got from doing the half marathon in 2007. Right now my walks feel good and my feet are really on sore on the weekends after my long walk and working around the house or running errands all day (re: being on my feet all day).
So I have pretty much decided not to do it and have shifted focus to another half marathon that's in Columbus at the end of August. I should be up to 7 or more miles a day and more ready to do a half by then. And, I think, it will help me to maintain my motivation.
I feel like the little engine that could...I am at the stage where "I think I can, I think I can..." and reaching for knowing that I can...
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Give me a break...
I was walking the other day...and listening to one of Jillian's podcasts...and she brought up the subject of forgiveness. She was talking about how every Biggest Loser contestants, when near the end of the season is presented with a cardboard life-sized before cut-out of themselves, talks about how much anger they have at themselves. That they say that that person is dead now and that they are a brand-new person and how they are so mad that they ever let themselves get in such horrible shape.
Jillian was saying how she wished that the contestants would understand that they are still the same person who happened to lose a lot of weight. And that they are still going to have to deal with issues as they move forward but that they should give themselves credit for changing their lives.
So all this got me thinking about myself...and how much I need to forgive myself for all the mean things I've done to myself...like not taking better care of myself. But also, I've been thinking about how I should give myself credit for all the good things I have done for myself...like quitting smoking and quitting my diet soda addiction. But for other things too...like going back to school and getting my degree...and for always thinking about how I can be a better person.
I think part of forgiving ourselves is about giving ourselves a break...I know that over the past 4 years, I've gained a lot of weight. But rather than get upset and berate myself for this, maybe I need to be gentle with myself about it. I went through a major life change...I moved from my hometown to another part of the country. I didn't just change jobs, I changed careers. I entered into a long term relationship. All of these things were good for me but all of them were also very very stressful. It's no wonder I ate high-fat foods. And getting into a desk job for the first time in my life...one where I literally sit on my ass all day long...that takes a toll. It's no wonder I gained weight and spiraled into low-grade depression and anxiety.
So I have been working on letting go of the anger and disappointment in myself. I am practicing being kinder to myself...
Jillian was saying how she wished that the contestants would understand that they are still the same person who happened to lose a lot of weight. And that they are still going to have to deal with issues as they move forward but that they should give themselves credit for changing their lives.
So all this got me thinking about myself...and how much I need to forgive myself for all the mean things I've done to myself...like not taking better care of myself. But also, I've been thinking about how I should give myself credit for all the good things I have done for myself...like quitting smoking and quitting my diet soda addiction. But for other things too...like going back to school and getting my degree...and for always thinking about how I can be a better person.
I think part of forgiving ourselves is about giving ourselves a break...I know that over the past 4 years, I've gained a lot of weight. But rather than get upset and berate myself for this, maybe I need to be gentle with myself about it. I went through a major life change...I moved from my hometown to another part of the country. I didn't just change jobs, I changed careers. I entered into a long term relationship. All of these things were good for me but all of them were also very very stressful. It's no wonder I ate high-fat foods. And getting into a desk job for the first time in my life...one where I literally sit on my ass all day long...that takes a toll. It's no wonder I gained weight and spiraled into low-grade depression and anxiety.
So I have been working on letting go of the anger and disappointment in myself. I am practicing being kinder to myself...
Thursday, April 23, 2009
How to get fit without going broke...
I have my own personal trainer and she doesn't cost me a dime.
Backstory: I have been obsessed with The Biggest Loser since it came out. I've never missed a season. Shouldn't be too much of a surprise since I'm practically a professional dieter. And, well, I'll just say it...I am a huge fan of Jillian Michaels.
She does a radio show on Sundays and the podcasts of it are free on iTunes. So the other day I downloaded all the posted podcasts and then uploaded them to my iPod. I started listening to her yesterday during my walk and loved it. Seriously, it's like having a personal trainer give you all the good tips and tell you what's crap and what doesn't work for an hour. There are 22 shows archived...that's 22 hours with one of the best fat-burning trainers in the world. Love it.
"Free" is important to me. As I've said before, I have a veritable library of diet books and magazines. Some I love and still use as references (I'll share those titles below) and many, I just skimmed through because they were either boring or had disguised themselves so that I didn't recognize the gimmick from the cover (I'll share those titles too).
I promised myself that I wouldn't purchase another book or spend more money on the diet industry because I feel like I've wasted so much money on stuff that just didn't work out.
I started going through a lot of my stuff...I want to go through a kind of spring cleaning, de-cluttering and get rid of all the stuff I have that I never look at or use. It's amazing what all we end up collecting. I have so much stuff and so much of it diet related. I was going through all that stuff the other night and realized that I actually have some good resources that I could use right now.
Favorite Diet Books:
Anything by Jillian Michaels (see above!): the last diet book I bought, before starting this blog, was her Master Your Metabolism. LOVE it! Much of what she says resonates me and supports where my eating habits have been moving.
The Eat Clean series by Tosca Reno. If you've been dieting a long time and you know all the ropes, then you won't find anything earth shattering or new here. It's all about eating whole foods and leaving behind all the processed crap. Honestly, the best one of the series is the cookbook. Lots of great recipes. People bitch about the recipes being high fat, but if you look at the ingredients list, the fats are from healthy sources like Olive Oil and avocados and nuts and seeds. And beyond that, they really aren't high in fat...most all the recipes that I've tried are lower than 10 g of fat per serving. Oh, and the magazine is great! Wonderful recipes and, to be honest, one or two of the magazines will tell you all you need to know about clean eating.
Weight Watchers Cookbook. With the caveat that there are lots of recipes with processed crap in them and that use of a lot of fake food ingredients (non-fat sour cream, butter spray, nutrasweet or whatever that fake sugar is that people love to use). However, many of them are easily adapted to whole ingredients. One of my favorite recipes is a beef stew that is so savory and flavorful...YUM!
The Beck Diet Solution. I really like this one because she tries to get you to look at your weight through a cognitive therapy model. Lots of good exercises and things that you might wish to do to help you make lasting changes. In the end, it was just too much work for me. I'd rather spend that time writing this blog or exercising or doing something I enjoy! Still, I did pick up a few little gems and I think this plan has probably helped many people.
The Wish-I-Had-NOT-Wasted-My-Money List
The Bitch series. I can't remember, for the life of me, the name of these books. Oh Skinny Bitch and Skinny Bitch in the Kitch. Okay. I kind of like the attitude of these books and they have a lot of good information, much of it about going organic and eating whole foods...which I like...but it's also about going vegan...and that's not where I want to go. Yet. I mean, maybe one day I'll give up red meat and maybe chicken too but I don't see that happening soon. And, at first I laughed and thought their, "You sassy bitch you!" attitude was cute but after awhile I was just like, "yeah, I get it already, I'm a sassy bitch!" I have to say...I do have the journal of this series and like it.
The Writing Diet: Write Yourself the Right Size by Julia Cameron. This is from the same author of The Artist's Way. If you've ever read AW, then this book is like that only focused on how to use writing to help you shift your thinking about food addiction. On the surface, it sounded good. I did the Artist's Way years and years ago (wow! am I really that old?) and loved it, but this book...it's kind of condescending and lame. I mean, whatever. Write yourself skinny, eh? I don't think so. I've been writing for as long as I can remember and I'm still fat. You know it's really the attitude that you just have to do this, this, and this, and you'll get it and finally not be fat! Bleh. If you're a fan and are intrigued, at least buy it used on Amazon (or whatever).
Neris and India's Idiot-Proof Diet: A Weight-Loss Plan for Real Women. OMG. I was so pissed at myself for having bought this book. It was an impulse buy, seriously. I was so mad that I didn't, at least, skim it before buying and can't believe I was swayed by the cover. Pink? I must have been in a mood or something. This is all about doing the Atkins. I hate the Atkins for so many reasons...but mainly because it's such a bad nutrition plan for humans. Anyway, this book, it's like a Skinny Bitch wanna be. They try and try to be hip and cool but they are touting the Atkins sooo...yeah, not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I wonder if they meant "Idiotic" instead of "Idiot-Proof"...
I think, what I've finally figured out is that after a while, you have to put down the books and get up off the sofa and go for a walk. I mean, reading is fine, and god knows I love a good book...but living in my head, instead of living in my body is not getting the fat off. And the best thing about going for a walk? It's free. (Well, if you don't count the shoes...gotta have good walking shoes for this!).
Backstory: I have been obsessed with The Biggest Loser since it came out. I've never missed a season. Shouldn't be too much of a surprise since I'm practically a professional dieter. And, well, I'll just say it...I am a huge fan of Jillian Michaels.
She does a radio show on Sundays and the podcasts of it are free on iTunes. So the other day I downloaded all the posted podcasts and then uploaded them to my iPod. I started listening to her yesterday during my walk and loved it. Seriously, it's like having a personal trainer give you all the good tips and tell you what's crap and what doesn't work for an hour. There are 22 shows archived...that's 22 hours with one of the best fat-burning trainers in the world. Love it.
"Free" is important to me. As I've said before, I have a veritable library of diet books and magazines. Some I love and still use as references (I'll share those titles below) and many, I just skimmed through because they were either boring or had disguised themselves so that I didn't recognize the gimmick from the cover (I'll share those titles too).
I promised myself that I wouldn't purchase another book or spend more money on the diet industry because I feel like I've wasted so much money on stuff that just didn't work out.
I started going through a lot of my stuff...I want to go through a kind of spring cleaning, de-cluttering and get rid of all the stuff I have that I never look at or use. It's amazing what all we end up collecting. I have so much stuff and so much of it diet related. I was going through all that stuff the other night and realized that I actually have some good resources that I could use right now.
Favorite Diet Books:
Anything by Jillian Michaels (see above!): the last diet book I bought, before starting this blog, was her Master Your Metabolism. LOVE it! Much of what she says resonates me and supports where my eating habits have been moving.
The Eat Clean series by Tosca Reno. If you've been dieting a long time and you know all the ropes, then you won't find anything earth shattering or new here. It's all about eating whole foods and leaving behind all the processed crap. Honestly, the best one of the series is the cookbook. Lots of great recipes. People bitch about the recipes being high fat, but if you look at the ingredients list, the fats are from healthy sources like Olive Oil and avocados and nuts and seeds. And beyond that, they really aren't high in fat...most all the recipes that I've tried are lower than 10 g of fat per serving. Oh, and the magazine is great! Wonderful recipes and, to be honest, one or two of the magazines will tell you all you need to know about clean eating.
Weight Watchers Cookbook. With the caveat that there are lots of recipes with processed crap in them and that use of a lot of fake food ingredients (non-fat sour cream, butter spray, nutrasweet or whatever that fake sugar is that people love to use). However, many of them are easily adapted to whole ingredients. One of my favorite recipes is a beef stew that is so savory and flavorful...YUM!
The Beck Diet Solution. I really like this one because she tries to get you to look at your weight through a cognitive therapy model. Lots of good exercises and things that you might wish to do to help you make lasting changes. In the end, it was just too much work for me. I'd rather spend that time writing this blog or exercising or doing something I enjoy! Still, I did pick up a few little gems and I think this plan has probably helped many people.
The Wish-I-Had-NOT-Wasted-My-Money List
The Bitch series. I can't remember, for the life of me, the name of these books. Oh Skinny Bitch and Skinny Bitch in the Kitch. Okay. I kind of like the attitude of these books and they have a lot of good information, much of it about going organic and eating whole foods...which I like...but it's also about going vegan...and that's not where I want to go. Yet. I mean, maybe one day I'll give up red meat and maybe chicken too but I don't see that happening soon. And, at first I laughed and thought their, "You sassy bitch you!" attitude was cute but after awhile I was just like, "yeah, I get it already, I'm a sassy bitch!" I have to say...I do have the journal of this series and like it.
The Writing Diet: Write Yourself the Right Size by Julia Cameron. This is from the same author of The Artist's Way. If you've ever read AW, then this book is like that only focused on how to use writing to help you shift your thinking about food addiction. On the surface, it sounded good. I did the Artist's Way years and years ago (wow! am I really that old?) and loved it, but this book...it's kind of condescending and lame. I mean, whatever. Write yourself skinny, eh? I don't think so. I've been writing for as long as I can remember and I'm still fat. You know it's really the attitude that you just have to do this, this, and this, and you'll get it and finally not be fat! Bleh. If you're a fan and are intrigued, at least buy it used on Amazon (or whatever).
Neris and India's Idiot-Proof Diet: A Weight-Loss Plan for Real Women. OMG. I was so pissed at myself for having bought this book. It was an impulse buy, seriously. I was so mad that I didn't, at least, skim it before buying and can't believe I was swayed by the cover. Pink? I must have been in a mood or something. This is all about doing the Atkins. I hate the Atkins for so many reasons...but mainly because it's such a bad nutrition plan for humans. Anyway, this book, it's like a Skinny Bitch wanna be. They try and try to be hip and cool but they are touting the Atkins sooo...yeah, not the sharpest knife in the drawer. I wonder if they meant "Idiotic" instead of "Idiot-Proof"...
I think, what I've finally figured out is that after a while, you have to put down the books and get up off the sofa and go for a walk. I mean, reading is fine, and god knows I love a good book...but living in my head, instead of living in my body is not getting the fat off. And the best thing about going for a walk? It's free. (Well, if you don't count the shoes...gotta have good walking shoes for this!).
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
A Piece of Cake...
That's all it took to throw me off my game. Well, I think that, and being frustrated with my lack of progress.
We all have excuses why we fall off the wagon. It's Thanksgiving, it's Christmas, it's Easter, it's my birthday, it's my partner's birthday, it's an old friend's birthday...I'll start again on Monday.
For me, it was my partner's birthday. Actually, I did fairly well...considering the whole weekend. I ate healthy. But I did have a small piece of cake on Friday and again on Saturday. I think that was my undoing...and then on Sunday, I just didn't have time to fit my walk in. So I was feeling pretty bad about myself.
Yesterday, Monday, I tried to find my way out of that hole again. I intended to go for my walk as soon as I finished work...but....my excuse this time? My two bosses told me they wanted me to start attending customer-facing presentations beginning today. And I knew I had nothing professional to wear...only buisness casual. So, I didn't go for my walk after work, I went shopping.
By the time I got home it was late. So I made a big pot of homemade veggie soup. I thought that it would be good for me to have something healthy and quick for a few days. I have no problem eating the same thing for lunch and dinner for a couple of days. And this will give me some measure of control and make me feel like I'm doing something to reach my health goals.
I will be back to walking tonight. No matter what. Something I already knew but was reminded of on Sunday and Monday...putting myself first is not being selfish, it's being Self-filling. I need those walks and am putting them back at the top of my priority list. Only two weeks of training left before the half-marathon.
I want to be able to do this without a huge struggle. I am nervous because I know that it's going to be hard. I'm going to have to just keep putting one foot in front of the other...I know I can do it. I've done it before.
I just need to hang on to my determination.
We all have excuses why we fall off the wagon. It's Thanksgiving, it's Christmas, it's Easter, it's my birthday, it's my partner's birthday, it's an old friend's birthday...I'll start again on Monday.
For me, it was my partner's birthday. Actually, I did fairly well...considering the whole weekend. I ate healthy. But I did have a small piece of cake on Friday and again on Saturday. I think that was my undoing...and then on Sunday, I just didn't have time to fit my walk in. So I was feeling pretty bad about myself.
Yesterday, Monday, I tried to find my way out of that hole again. I intended to go for my walk as soon as I finished work...but....my excuse this time? My two bosses told me they wanted me to start attending customer-facing presentations beginning today. And I knew I had nothing professional to wear...only buisness casual. So, I didn't go for my walk after work, I went shopping.
By the time I got home it was late. So I made a big pot of homemade veggie soup. I thought that it would be good for me to have something healthy and quick for a few days. I have no problem eating the same thing for lunch and dinner for a couple of days. And this will give me some measure of control and make me feel like I'm doing something to reach my health goals.
I will be back to walking tonight. No matter what. Something I already knew but was reminded of on Sunday and Monday...putting myself first is not being selfish, it's being Self-filling. I need those walks and am putting them back at the top of my priority list. Only two weeks of training left before the half-marathon.
I want to be able to do this without a huge struggle. I am nervous because I know that it's going to be hard. I'm going to have to just keep putting one foot in front of the other...I know I can do it. I've done it before.
I just need to hang on to my determination.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Performance Reviews and Taxes and Hormones, Oh My!
Or...Confessions of a Peri-Menopausal Chronic Dietrix!
Yesterday was not a good day for me. My anxiety levels are through the roof right now. Like most of America (and probably the world), I'm constantly fearful of being laid-off.
On top of that, my annual performance review was scheduled for today. My anxiety has been high surrounding this. I hate these kinds of things. I probably over think them. I always expect to be told that I suck. Gee, you think this is related to my self-esteem/self-love issues? Eight years of therapy, folks!
On the one hand, I know that I've done a lot of good things for this company. But you know what they say, "One 'oh shit' can wipe out a hundred 'atta girls'...I admit it, I'm not perfect. There's bound to be one or two things my boss can harp on.
Taxes. The good news? I did them on time. If I did them right remains to be seen. Apparently I've not done them right over the past few years because every year I get a bill from the IRS. Maybe I need to start hiring someone to do them...it's just too confusing.
Hormones, I think, are contributing to my anxiety and MUST be adding to physical factors - such as hunger (more on this later) and bloat. I could barely put on my rings yesterday and today.
So last night...ack. It was one of those cold rainy days. I'd psyched myself up about going for a walk no matter what. When I got home I changed into my walking clothes and hit the road with the dog. But pretty quickly I realized how tired and cold I was. I made it through the walk and tried to be upbeat about it but I'm sure I was a bit slower than normal.
I got in and put dinner on (wild caught, baked salmon, plain baked potato, and brussels sprouts). But I was just ravenous, so I had a little packet of whole grain crackers (from Kashi, 130 cals) and a small wedge of Laughing Cow Lite cheese...yes, both are processed to the hilt! So then I had my lovely dinner shortly thereafter.
But guess what? Old habits, right? Time for a bit of self medicating. In the form of 200 calories.
I know, I know. Not exactly a binge...but man. I felt/feel so guilty for eating all that. I'm trying to give myself a break because it's not like I ran up to Kroger and bought a cake and ate it. Don't laugh. I've done it before.
So then I made myself stop eating. I didn't want to be managing my stress that way. I did end up watching TV (since it's apparently confession time...it was the Biggest Loser. Processed to the hilt! I saw Fillipe act all drama queeny about Sione being kicked off. Seriously, he's not dead, Fillipe, nut up. And poor Laura got kicked off but not before getting a fab new hairstyle!).
I went to bed a reasonable time and slept fitfully.
Got up this morning and felt pretty good but still pretty anxious...and what did I do??? What pisses me off more than eating how I did last night? I effing got on the scale. Why, oh why did I do that? WHY?
Guess what I saw? The bloat should have tipped you off. Two freaking measly pounds is what I've lost since I started this back on the 4th. At least that's what the scale told me this morning. I just felt so defeated. Hell, I could cry right now just typing it out.
And why, exactly, am I reporting all this to you, gentle reader? Because I think it's as important that I talk about the hard days and nights...the frustrations...as I do the easy days when everything is like a Disney movie (or an episode of Biggest Loser!).
Because I am still not going to give up. It is cold and rainy here, again, today...and I have plans to go out to dinner with my Honey. But my first priority is to get home, put on my walking clothes and go for a good walk. Then I'm going to make healthy choices at the restaurant.
And I'm going to tell myself (and you) that this is just one of those times when my hormones are trying to get the best of me. I have probably lost more weight than the scale is reflecting. And I know that I am well on my way to establishing some better habits (walking and making healthy dietary choices). Honestly, I do feel better. I feel like I have a bit more energy. And, I'm a wee bit proud that I'm working on 12 days of exercise in a row!
Oh...and the performance review went really well. My boss is really good at her job and is someone who highlights strengths over weaknesses (actually, she calls them "challenges") and so her feedback was actually higher than my own assessment.
Everything is alright. Everything is going to be alright.
Yesterday was not a good day for me. My anxiety levels are through the roof right now. Like most of America (and probably the world), I'm constantly fearful of being laid-off.
On top of that, my annual performance review was scheduled for today. My anxiety has been high surrounding this. I hate these kinds of things. I probably over think them. I always expect to be told that I suck. Gee, you think this is related to my self-esteem/self-love issues? Eight years of therapy, folks!
On the one hand, I know that I've done a lot of good things for this company. But you know what they say, "One 'oh shit' can wipe out a hundred 'atta girls'...I admit it, I'm not perfect. There's bound to be one or two things my boss can harp on.
Taxes. The good news? I did them on time. If I did them right remains to be seen. Apparently I've not done them right over the past few years because every year I get a bill from the IRS. Maybe I need to start hiring someone to do them...it's just too confusing.
Hormones, I think, are contributing to my anxiety and MUST be adding to physical factors - such as hunger (more on this later) and bloat. I could barely put on my rings yesterday and today.
So last night...ack. It was one of those cold rainy days. I'd psyched myself up about going for a walk no matter what. When I got home I changed into my walking clothes and hit the road with the dog. But pretty quickly I realized how tired and cold I was. I made it through the walk and tried to be upbeat about it but I'm sure I was a bit slower than normal.
I got in and put dinner on (wild caught, baked salmon, plain baked potato, and brussels sprouts). But I was just ravenous, so I had a little packet of whole grain crackers (from Kashi, 130 cals) and a small wedge of Laughing Cow Lite cheese...yes, both are processed to the hilt! So then I had my lovely dinner shortly thereafter.
But guess what? Old habits, right? Time for a bit of self medicating. In the form of 200 calories.
I know, I know. Not exactly a binge...but man. I felt/feel so guilty for eating all that. I'm trying to give myself a break because it's not like I ran up to Kroger and bought a cake and ate it. Don't laugh. I've done it before.
So then I made myself stop eating. I didn't want to be managing my stress that way. I did end up watching TV (since it's apparently confession time...it was the Biggest Loser. Processed to the hilt! I saw Fillipe act all drama queeny about Sione being kicked off. Seriously, he's not dead, Fillipe, nut up. And poor Laura got kicked off but not before getting a fab new hairstyle!).
I went to bed a reasonable time and slept fitfully.
Got up this morning and felt pretty good but still pretty anxious...and what did I do??? What pisses me off more than eating how I did last night? I effing got on the scale. Why, oh why did I do that? WHY?
Guess what I saw? The bloat should have tipped you off. Two freaking measly pounds is what I've lost since I started this back on the 4th. At least that's what the scale told me this morning. I just felt so defeated. Hell, I could cry right now just typing it out.
And why, exactly, am I reporting all this to you, gentle reader? Because I think it's as important that I talk about the hard days and nights...the frustrations...as I do the easy days when everything is like a Disney movie (or an episode of Biggest Loser!).
Because I am still not going to give up. It is cold and rainy here, again, today...and I have plans to go out to dinner with my Honey. But my first priority is to get home, put on my walking clothes and go for a good walk. Then I'm going to make healthy choices at the restaurant.
And I'm going to tell myself (and you) that this is just one of those times when my hormones are trying to get the best of me. I have probably lost more weight than the scale is reflecting. And I know that I am well on my way to establishing some better habits (walking and making healthy dietary choices). Honestly, I do feel better. I feel like I have a bit more energy. And, I'm a wee bit proud that I'm working on 12 days of exercise in a row!
Oh...and the performance review went really well. My boss is really good at her job and is someone who highlights strengths over weaknesses (actually, she calls them "challenges") and so her feedback was actually higher than my own assessment.
Everything is alright. Everything is going to be alright.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
How to build a ladder...
There's a story that I remember hearing years ago:
Breaking old habits, creating new patterns is such work. Yesterday, it rained all day and so by the time I was leaving for work, with a small window of opportunity, I began the drive home. As I drew nearer, the lightening began and the storm started whipping up. I knew I had to go to the grocery store to pick up some dog food, so I decided to do that first and hoped that by the time I was done, the storm would have passed and I would have a clear sky to walk under.
But as I drove home from the store, the rain began to fall heavily and I resigned myself to having to figure out another way to exercise.
I walked in the door and unloaded all the stuff I regularly mule to and from work (computer, purse, lunch box) and the groceries. I opened a can of soup and put it on a low flame and then went over to my laptop and opened it.
Old pattern. It was raining, I wasn't going to get to go for my walk. I could feel the guilt starting. But surfing helped me to push that feeling down. If I'd had a bottle of wine in the house, I probably would have opened it and poured out a glass.
My partner walked in the door shortly after I had just about talked myself into abandoning the idea of using the elliptical in the basement. As we sat and caught each other up on our day, I saw the rain stop and the sky begin to lighten...and something, somewhere deep within said, "Time to build the ladder..."
I said, "Honey, I'm going to go for a walk while the rain has stopped." I jumped up and went to change into my walking clothes. Got the dog leashed and headed out.
It was beautiful. The air was clean and crisp. We walked fast and took the big loop. As we were on the home stretch, the sun ripped through the dark clouds and lit the way...it was a sign, right?
I felt exhilarated. We did it...10 days straight.
On the walk, I was thinking about how easily it is for me to fall back into that hole. A small setback and I give in. It's not like we don't have other ways to exercise...we have the elliptical and a Wii Fit for crying out loud. But I didn't want to do the elliptical because it would be too hard and I didn't want to do the Wii Fit because it would be too easy...at least that's what I was telling myself. But if I think about it, both of those scripts are wrong. The elliptical isn't too hard. It's a great way to cross-train! And the Wii Fit isn't too easy...I could have done all the yoga on it. After the day I'd had, it would have been a good thing.
And who am I? Goldilocks?
I guess my shadow is. She wants things to be just right...it's too hot outside, it's too cold outside...it's too dark...it's too late...it's too early.
I gave away that thinking the day before.
So how do I get out of this hole that I've fallen into? And once out, how do I avoid it? The parable of recovery above says it all, right? Walk down a different street. I'll have to think about that. Right now I'm just trying to build the ladder.
The thing that makes it so hard for me to get out of this hole, this rut, is that I'm very, very good at making the rut into a comfy place. I fill the house with yummy things to eat, like cake and bread and cheese and wine. I surround myself with things that will entertain me...television, computers, music, books...and I forget that those things can't replace love. They don't nurture me. How can I ever feel full when I'm feeding myself things that, ultimately, don't nourish me?
I was so tempted to weigh myself this morning. The tug of that old habit was strong and hard to fight. I was feeling like, "Surely I've lost 3 or 4 pounds since I last weighed!" But I don't want to get on the scale because I know I put way too much stock in those numbers and I know if I don't see what I want to see or what I expect to see, I will be disappointed. And that disappointment will derail me. I will go back down that hole...and I'm so much closer to the top now...I don't want to go back down a few rungs.
It's raining again today.
The first day, you are walking down the street and fall into a hole. It's deep
and you are shocked and pissed. "Who put this here?!!" "It's all their fault I'm
in here." You thrash around and throw dirt. Eventually you see a way out and
climb out of the hole.
The second day, you are walking down the street and fall into the hole again. "Well" you say, "I've been here before and know how to get out."
The third day, you walk down the street and see the
hole, yet fall in anyway. "What here again? I tried not fall in."
The fourth day, you walk down the street and very carefully walk around the hole.
You congratulate yourself for not falling in.
The fifth day, you walk down a different street.
Breaking old habits, creating new patterns is such work. Yesterday, it rained all day and so by the time I was leaving for work, with a small window of opportunity, I began the drive home. As I drew nearer, the lightening began and the storm started whipping up. I knew I had to go to the grocery store to pick up some dog food, so I decided to do that first and hoped that by the time I was done, the storm would have passed and I would have a clear sky to walk under.
But as I drove home from the store, the rain began to fall heavily and I resigned myself to having to figure out another way to exercise.
I walked in the door and unloaded all the stuff I regularly mule to and from work (computer, purse, lunch box) and the groceries. I opened a can of soup and put it on a low flame and then went over to my laptop and opened it.
Old pattern. It was raining, I wasn't going to get to go for my walk. I could feel the guilt starting. But surfing helped me to push that feeling down. If I'd had a bottle of wine in the house, I probably would have opened it and poured out a glass.
My partner walked in the door shortly after I had just about talked myself into abandoning the idea of using the elliptical in the basement. As we sat and caught each other up on our day, I saw the rain stop and the sky begin to lighten...and something, somewhere deep within said, "Time to build the ladder..."
I said, "Honey, I'm going to go for a walk while the rain has stopped." I jumped up and went to change into my walking clothes. Got the dog leashed and headed out.
It was beautiful. The air was clean and crisp. We walked fast and took the big loop. As we were on the home stretch, the sun ripped through the dark clouds and lit the way...it was a sign, right?
I felt exhilarated. We did it...10 days straight.
On the walk, I was thinking about how easily it is for me to fall back into that hole. A small setback and I give in. It's not like we don't have other ways to exercise...we have the elliptical and a Wii Fit for crying out loud. But I didn't want to do the elliptical because it would be too hard and I didn't want to do the Wii Fit because it would be too easy...at least that's what I was telling myself. But if I think about it, both of those scripts are wrong. The elliptical isn't too hard. It's a great way to cross-train! And the Wii Fit isn't too easy...I could have done all the yoga on it. After the day I'd had, it would have been a good thing.
And who am I? Goldilocks?
I guess my shadow is. She wants things to be just right...it's too hot outside, it's too cold outside...it's too dark...it's too late...it's too early.
I gave away that thinking the day before.
So how do I get out of this hole that I've fallen into? And once out, how do I avoid it? The parable of recovery above says it all, right? Walk down a different street. I'll have to think about that. Right now I'm just trying to build the ladder.
The thing that makes it so hard for me to get out of this hole, this rut, is that I'm very, very good at making the rut into a comfy place. I fill the house with yummy things to eat, like cake and bread and cheese and wine. I surround myself with things that will entertain me...television, computers, music, books...and I forget that those things can't replace love. They don't nurture me. How can I ever feel full when I'm feeding myself things that, ultimately, don't nourish me?
I was so tempted to weigh myself this morning. The tug of that old habit was strong and hard to fight. I was feeling like, "Surely I've lost 3 or 4 pounds since I last weighed!" But I don't want to get on the scale because I know I put way too much stock in those numbers and I know if I don't see what I want to see or what I expect to see, I will be disappointed. And that disappointment will derail me. I will go back down that hole...and I'm so much closer to the top now...I don't want to go back down a few rungs.
It's raining again today.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Rebirth...
As I was walking today, I thought about resurrection and rebirth...I thought about how, to make way for the new, one must get rid of the old.
I thought...I need to let go of some old patterns...some old ways of being...
I give away my addiction to TV...how many hours do I spend wasting my time just sitting around, watching TV...waiting to be entertained?
I give away my fear of change.
I give away my excuses for getting outside to exercise (it's raining, it's going to rain, it's too hot, it's too cold, it's too windy, it's too early, it's too late, it's not light out yet...).
I give away my habit of eating something just because I am craving it.
I give away weighing myself everyday...and judging myself if I don't like the number.
I give away thoughts of "I can't..."
I give away thoughts of "I don't have time to exercise or make myself a healthy meal."
I am preparing to be reborn...I invite in change, time to exercise and nurture myself in healthy ways...I invite in "I can..."
I thought...I need to let go of some old patterns...some old ways of being...
I give away my addiction to TV...how many hours do I spend wasting my time just sitting around, watching TV...waiting to be entertained?
I give away my fear of change.
I give away my excuses for getting outside to exercise (it's raining, it's going to rain, it's too hot, it's too cold, it's too windy, it's too early, it's too late, it's not light out yet...).
I give away my habit of eating something just because I am craving it.
I give away weighing myself everyday...and judging myself if I don't like the number.
I give away thoughts of "I can't..."
I give away thoughts of "I don't have time to exercise or make myself a healthy meal."
I am preparing to be reborn...I invite in change, time to exercise and nurture myself in healthy ways...I invite in "I can..."
Friday, April 10, 2009
Mirror, Mirror...On the Wall...
When it comes right down to it...the nitty gritty of dieting is all about the pursuit of beauty, isn't it? I mean, when I starting dieting at 13...when I first became addicted to diet soda...the appeal to me was that I could drink soda that wouldn't have all that sugar in it. And what my little friends told me was that sugar made you fat. And, you know, the last thing we wanted to be at 13 was fat.
And that's where it began. Because where I grew up...one couldn't be fat and beautiful. Right?
So it was all about being beautiful. And being beautiful meant that you would be loved. If you were beautiful, then you'd attract the right kind of boy and you would fall in love and live happily ever after.
Wow. Those fairy tales did a number on me, didn't they?
It has taken me so long to really understand that beauty isn't a physical thing. As Helen Keller said, "The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they must be felt from the heart."
For years I have laughed at the notion that Super Models are beautiful...yeah, I guess if by "beautiful" you mean a woman with the body of a pre-pubescent boy with a boob job, then yeah, I guess Super Models are beautiful.
Alright, there are some really pretty models but, to me, they are so skinny, that I find that actually very unattractive.
Still...even though I don't believe in our society's idea of beauty...there's still something that makes me not love me, not think that I am beautiful, with all this extra weight.
When I pause and listen to what's in my heart...what my body says to me is that it isn't that I don't feel beautiful...it's that I don't feel good. Having a big belly actually doesn't feel good to me. When I overeat and my stomach is feeling really full, I feel physically sick. Somewhere along the way, I have twisted that feeling into "I'm not pretty. I'm a fat, lazy good-for-nothing!"
Now that's twisted, right? I gotta change the way I think about those things. But part of that is learning how to nurture myself that doesn't make me feel sick. It's about nurturing myself in a way that makes me feel "beautiful," I guess.
If you look to the sidebar on the right, you'll see a link to the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty. It's a little film that shows the Evolution of a Super Model...it's pretty interesting. The message is that it takes a lot of work for Super Models to look like they do...and yeah, I get that...but they are still super skinny.
America's Next Top Model...season 10 (TEN!!! It took 10 Seasons!) finally had a "plus sized" lady win. She was a size 10. Ten is plus-sized or as they finally said at the very end of the show...it's "full-figured"...my ass. And you know how they play with sizes. A 10 on ANTM is probably a 5 at Macy's.
Progress Update: I've walked everyday since last Sunday. I have been eating very little processed food. I have cut back on my glass of wine per night intake. And, I'm kind of embarrassed to say, I did give in to temptation and jumped on the scale a few days ago.
I really don't want to be weighing myself everyday or really every week. I think I get too wrapped up in the numbers. I think it is more important for me to focus on what I'm eating and moving my body.
So I won't be posting my stats again until the weekend before the Flying Pig. That'll be about a month from when I started this blog, so you'll be able to see my progress, if any, then.
And that's where it began. Because where I grew up...one couldn't be fat and beautiful. Right?
So it was all about being beautiful. And being beautiful meant that you would be loved. If you were beautiful, then you'd attract the right kind of boy and you would fall in love and live happily ever after.
Wow. Those fairy tales did a number on me, didn't they?
It has taken me so long to really understand that beauty isn't a physical thing. As Helen Keller said, "The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched, they must be felt from the heart."
For years I have laughed at the notion that Super Models are beautiful...yeah, I guess if by "beautiful" you mean a woman with the body of a pre-pubescent boy with a boob job, then yeah, I guess Super Models are beautiful.
Alright, there are some really pretty models but, to me, they are so skinny, that I find that actually very unattractive.
Still...even though I don't believe in our society's idea of beauty...there's still something that makes me not love me, not think that I am beautiful, with all this extra weight.
When I pause and listen to what's in my heart...what my body says to me is that it isn't that I don't feel beautiful...it's that I don't feel good. Having a big belly actually doesn't feel good to me. When I overeat and my stomach is feeling really full, I feel physically sick. Somewhere along the way, I have twisted that feeling into "I'm not pretty. I'm a fat, lazy good-for-nothing!"
Now that's twisted, right? I gotta change the way I think about those things. But part of that is learning how to nurture myself that doesn't make me feel sick. It's about nurturing myself in a way that makes me feel "beautiful," I guess.
If you look to the sidebar on the right, you'll see a link to the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty. It's a little film that shows the Evolution of a Super Model...it's pretty interesting. The message is that it takes a lot of work for Super Models to look like they do...and yeah, I get that...but they are still super skinny.
America's Next Top Model...season 10 (TEN!!! It took 10 Seasons!) finally had a "plus sized" lady win. She was a size 10. Ten is plus-sized or as they finally said at the very end of the show...it's "full-figured"...my ass. And you know how they play with sizes. A 10 on ANTM is probably a 5 at Macy's.
Progress Update: I've walked everyday since last Sunday. I have been eating very little processed food. I have cut back on my glass of wine per night intake. And, I'm kind of embarrassed to say, I did give in to temptation and jumped on the scale a few days ago.
I really don't want to be weighing myself everyday or really every week. I think I get too wrapped up in the numbers. I think it is more important for me to focus on what I'm eating and moving my body.
So I won't be posting my stats again until the weekend before the Flying Pig. That'll be about a month from when I started this blog, so you'll be able to see my progress, if any, then.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
The Magic of Motivation...
My momentum is directly related to my omentum. I woke up thinking that this morning. I think because I'd watched Dr. Oz on Oprah the night before (yay! TiVo!).
The omentum is nasty looking. Look at this. Here's another one. If you don't know what an omentum is, wiki it...you'll get a few somewhat accurate facts. But basically, it's a fatty piece of "mass" that sits in front of the stomach. From what I understand, it catches all the fat. It can get really huge. This was eye-opening for me, because I'm what you'd call an apple...so I'm guessing my omentum is pretty big.
Thinking about it makes me what to move my body and shrink my omentum. Yes, I'm weird. I've been dieting for over 30 years. It's crazy-making in that way. Breaking all those thought patterns is hard. I am motivated to shrink my omentum. At least right now.
What is most frustrating for me about "dieting" is keeping the momentum going...keeping my motivation level up. When I was on Weight Watchers, I haunted the WW boards...which, by the way, are populated by some vicious, nasty, hilarious, smart, and stupid people (it takes all kinds!)...and there was a school of thought there that you don't need motivation to lose weight. Or at least that you shouldn't rely on motivation. The saying went, "do you need motivation to get up and brush your teeth in the morning, or to take a shower? Then you don't need motivation to eat healthy and exercise because it's just another way of caring for yourself." And, yeah, yeah, I get that but when I'm hit with a craving for cake, I'm pretty likely to "care" for myself by treating me to an incredible, indulgent piece of high-fat goodness like cake.
I have tried so many ways to motivate myself over the years...this is probably why I have an actual library of diet/exercise/nutrition books and magazines. I've watched all the shows...Celebrity Fit Club and Biggest Loser included. (I haven't gotten into that one about Ruby, the really huge lady on, is it Lifetime? I can't keep up).
A little side rant about Kristen, current contestant on Biggest Loser Couples. Every week she goes on and on about how "if [she] can do it anybody can do it" blahblahblah. And every week I think, "Shut it!" Yeah, I'm pretty sure that if I spent 3 months on a fat farm where I did nothing but concentrate on losing weight...could work out 8 hours a day (with Jillian Michaels! screaming at me) and sit around and process my feelings about why I'm so fat and what has kept me from losing weight permanently for all these years and where I had the accountability of being on national TV...yeah, I'm pretty sure I'd lose weight. But Kristen...Kristen...you went on the show as a 350+ young lady...clearly, you had some issues and it took being in those special circumstances for you to turn it around. Talk to me in about 5 years and let's see if you kept the weight off. In the mean time, don't tell me that "if [you] can do it anybody can." Seriously. We all get that you're motivated on "the ranch."
What is motivating about shows like Biggest Loser is seeing the transformations...seeing someone lose weight and feel good about themselves. I think what motivates me the most is watching them exercise and get stronger. I wish the show would focus more on how those of us at home, without a personal trainer and/or the money to join a gym could work at home with minimal investment in equipment.
Right now I'm trying to keep my motivation pretty simple. I've created a short list of goals that might help me:
- Flying Pig Half Marathon (to keep me walking everyday)
- Fit into my golf pants by Memorial Day weekend (to keep me eating healthy)
Ultimately...I'm trying to finally make this shift because I want to like what I see when I look in the mirror. Right now I see someone who looks really tired and sad. I want to change that for myself. I want to give myself the gift of abundant energy and a good night's sleep. I want to give myself a sense of...I don't know...happiness?...maybe that's not the right word because I know from past experience that being skinny does not equal happiness or self-love. But I do think that my low-level, clinging depression is tied to my extra weight.
Meh. Still figuring it all out...
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
When Pigs Fly...
I have commited to walking the Flying Pig Half Marathon on May 3rd.
Some people think I have lost my mind because I have barely moved off the sofa for months. They wonder how in the world I'll be able to walk 13 miles after 30 days of training.
I've got a few things on my side. I am basically healthy...you know, aside from being fat. ;>
The only thing really wrong with me is that I have a very mild case of asthma.
And, I know from past experience, my body responds really well to exercise. Though I'm off to a slow start, I'll be up to 3 miles daily next week.
It is important to me to do this because I think it will jump start my commitment to exercise. I know that I need to move my body everyday if I want to be my healthiest.
Until I hit 40, I always had a job where I spent most of the day on my feet. Once I turned 40, I started working in an industry where I sit all day. I think this is part of the reason why I've gained 40 pounds in the past 4 years.
This week I'm just getting started. I'm walking around my beautiful neighborhood with my dog, Riley. I'm keeping in mind that I have the time to exercise. I have the time everyday to do at least 30 minutes of exercise. I can do this. I know I can.
Some people think I have lost my mind because I have barely moved off the sofa for months. They wonder how in the world I'll be able to walk 13 miles after 30 days of training.
I've got a few things on my side. I am basically healthy...you know, aside from being fat. ;>
The only thing really wrong with me is that I have a very mild case of asthma.
And, I know from past experience, my body responds really well to exercise. Though I'm off to a slow start, I'll be up to 3 miles daily next week.
It is important to me to do this because I think it will jump start my commitment to exercise. I know that I need to move my body everyday if I want to be my healthiest.
Until I hit 40, I always had a job where I spent most of the day on my feet. Once I turned 40, I started working in an industry where I sit all day. I think this is part of the reason why I've gained 40 pounds in the past 4 years.
This week I'm just getting started. I'm walking around my beautiful neighborhood with my dog, Riley. I'm keeping in mind that I have the time to exercise. I have the time everyday to do at least 30 minutes of exercise. I can do this. I know I can.
In the beginning...
I weigh more today than I have ever weighed in my life.
I've been dieting since I was 13. Oddly, though, I have been at a healthy weight most of my life. So, how did I end up here?
Where is here, exactly? Today my stats are as follows:
Age: 44
Height: 5'3"
Weight: 199
Bust: 46"
Waist: 43"
Hips: 46"
Thigh: 27"
Calf: 16.5"
Upper Arm: 14"
Yikes. And that's all I'm going to say about that, for now.
My point? This blog is about my journey from fat, tired (make that exhausted all the time!), and just so fed up and frustrated with my weight to the healthiest me I can be.
I am so sick of the "diet industry." Seriously. I have spent so much money over the years. I have a whole library of diet, nutrition, and exercise books. I've paid thousands of dollars to gyms that I barely even stepped into. I've bought so many exercise gadgets and pieces of equipment that I could open my own gym. (In fact, I have a "gym" in the basement of my house).
The diet industry is a $35 billion dollar a year business. I knew it was big business, but I didn't know it was that big. I think about all the money I've thrown onto that bonfire and I'm still gaining weight and it is so frustrating. I'm 199 pounds. And thousands of dollars poorer. The "diet industry" hasn't helped me at all.
So, I'm done. No more diet books, no more diet programs (Weight Watchers I'm talking to you!). I'm starting fresh. I forgive myself for all the diet failures I've had over the years. I am letting go of all the mistakes I've made.
My focus is on getting healthy...I want to rid my diet of processed crap. I want to feel good and strong. I want to go up a few flights of steps without taking 5 minutes to recover when I reach the top. I want to be able to feel like an athlete. I want to look good in what I wear.
I hope you'll join me in this journey.
I've been dieting since I was 13. Oddly, though, I have been at a healthy weight most of my life. So, how did I end up here?
Where is here, exactly? Today my stats are as follows:
Age: 44
Height: 5'3"
Weight: 199
Bust: 46"
Waist: 43"
Hips: 46"
Thigh: 27"
Calf: 16.5"
Upper Arm: 14"
Yikes. And that's all I'm going to say about that, for now.
My point? This blog is about my journey from fat, tired (make that exhausted all the time!), and just so fed up and frustrated with my weight to the healthiest me I can be.
I am so sick of the "diet industry." Seriously. I have spent so much money over the years. I have a whole library of diet, nutrition, and exercise books. I've paid thousands of dollars to gyms that I barely even stepped into. I've bought so many exercise gadgets and pieces of equipment that I could open my own gym. (In fact, I have a "gym" in the basement of my house).
The diet industry is a $35 billion dollar a year business. I knew it was big business, but I didn't know it was that big. I think about all the money I've thrown onto that bonfire and I'm still gaining weight and it is so frustrating. I'm 199 pounds. And thousands of dollars poorer. The "diet industry" hasn't helped me at all.
So, I'm done. No more diet books, no more diet programs (Weight Watchers I'm talking to you!). I'm starting fresh. I forgive myself for all the diet failures I've had over the years. I am letting go of all the mistakes I've made.
My focus is on getting healthy...I want to rid my diet of processed crap. I want to feel good and strong. I want to go up a few flights of steps without taking 5 minutes to recover when I reach the top. I want to be able to feel like an athlete. I want to look good in what I wear.
I hope you'll join me in this journey.
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